Duckduckgoose Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Hmmm a lot of women wouldn't date cops or people in military or law enforcement. I wonder why that is? My dad is retired military and while I find that the military lifestyle can be exhausting or heartwrenching for some women other women are just fine with it. My parents have been married 30 years. I also find interesting that a woman wants a man with a good job and ambition but men are more willing to overlook those aspects of a woman... if she's hot, puts out, and got a good personality it doesn't really matter if she's got a job, her only job is to get back in the kitchen and make him a sammich. AND to pop out babies. I'm being somewhat silly about that last paragraph. I understand the not wanting to date a guy that is fine working in fast food for minimum wage the rest of his life... of course that is coming from someone with a college degree, some intelligence, and some ambition in life. My exH made donuts and while it was a far cry from what I was doing (Geospatial) I never judged him for it, even when tax time came around and my income was twice his. Of course him being the male, and the "provider" it probably rankled with him. So I just didn't bring it up, and used the privilege of his donut making ability to the max. That said... I probably wouldn't date people who are in fields I am morally opposed to. If they are in politics regardless of whether I agree with said politics, if they are a preacher or other clergy, drug dealers, sex industry, and probably abortion doctors. Not because I disagree with abortions so to speak. I am pro-choice but seeing a person who does that every day and when you ask them how their day was they would be like "well I killed 10 babies today". That just doesn't sit well.
Thedude22 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 You know I'm never really sure why it matters that much. I totally get why a girl wouldn't dig it, it's a possible signifier of laziness or incompetence However you have to know that it's likely you won't be in a long term relationship with these people. It is embarrassing to have to tell friends the person you're dating works some loser profession and is uneducated but hey it's short term so who cares? Now to me the unattractive feature is they aren't in school and while I don't want to sound elitist, I've always found non-college people are simply unable to meet to intelligence requirements of college people. I try dating non-college girls all the time and their lack of intelligence is a huge turn-off. But as I remember, you just got out of a relationship, savvy? I'll tell you right now the next guy you date will last just under 3 months. It's the natural cycle of getting over your ex. So if you can get over the fact you have to tell your friend your guy is a snake wrangler or a fast food jockey for the next three months I say have at it.
zengirl Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) probably abortion doctors. Not because I disagree with abortions so to speak. I am pro-choice but seeing a person who does that every day and when you ask them how their day was they would be like "well I killed 10 babies today". That just doesn't sit well. In most places, an "abortion doctor" is just a Gynecologist/Obstetrician with the appropriate background to perform that and other surgical procedures. I believe all OBGYNs who work in trauma settings have to be capable of it and most had to do their residency somewhere where they probably, at one point, assisted on an abortion, at the very least. (Sometimes the procedures are emergent.) Not to diss your choice, but I don't think there's any clinic where a doctor would ONLY do abortions all day; it's my understanding that most of the doctors who do them spend their other time on well women's visits and even OB care for pregnant women who want to stay that way. At least that's how it is in the Planned Parenthood (I do some local neighborhood outreach for the PP in regards to HPV vaccinations) and in hospitals. Not checked with every abortion clinic. Though I can understand not wanting to date OBGYNs to be honest. Seems like a noble profession, but I don't even like GOING to a male OBGYN, haha. I don't think I could date one. Edited April 4, 2011 by zengirl
Nexus One Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) And most of them..just don't work at all, and have no plans of going to school. Sounds worrying. 33% of the people at my office got laid off this year, luckily I wasn't one of them, but that was a major cut. Shareholders and investors basically removed several management layers. Business has slowly been picking up since February though and it seems like the ship is changing course, but I wouldn't say the economy is out of bad weather just quite yet. How old are the guys you're talking about and do they at least have some form of income in order to pay their bills? Edited April 4, 2011 by Nexus One
Author Lilmisus Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Sounds worrying. 33% of the people at my office got laid off this year, luckily I wasn't one of them, but that was a major cut. Shareholders and investors basically removed several management layers. Business has slowly been picking up since February though and it seems like the ship is changing course, but I wouldn't say the economy is out of bad weather just quite yet. How old are the guys you're talking about and do they at least have some form of income in order to pay their bills? You're very, very lucky that you weren't laid off, that's a pretty high number, scary! And they are all in their early twenties. So, young enough to still rely on mom and dad to help them out if they need it, but old enough to live on their own and try to classify themselves as an "adult" with no ambition.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 I think not working at all would be a problem unless its just temporary and he's making efforts to find a job. How far can a relationship go if one does not work? Seriously? Also, I think if you are feeling this way and you're posting about this, then it is important to you. I think you may do fine with them if you are looking for short term relationships but as far as a long term relationship is concerned, you'd definitely want someone who would like to better themselves (not to be super rich) but to at least be able to work something they actually like than just wanting to 'get by' with Walmart or McDonalds.... That's how I feel about the not working thing. It just shows laziness and shows that our dates will consist of us staying at his place all the time, and if we go out, I'll have to foot the bill. I've done that type of relationship before, I don't want it again. Especially if what they do with their free time is stay at home, playing X-box all day or watching tv all the time(which, a couple of them admitted to doing). Plus, it just shows a whole bunch of other bad habits that they may have, or may end up having later on. I just hate the idea of trying to get romantically involved at all (even if it's just for a couple of dates or a couple of months for a short term relationship) with someone who doesn't have at least some hope for the future, and who can't say where they see themselves going. If they work at Walmart or McDonald's but are looking for a better job or to better themselves there, then I wouldn't have an issue with it. Especially if they were in school, studying to be whatever they want to be. My ex though, worked a low pay job (with me) and wasn't in school, but at least he had hopes and dreams of becoming a rapper (a white rapper..) since he's really, really great at it. Or to start his own business later on, and had a game plan for it. He kept saying that he wanted to save up to go to school in the fall, and he talked about getting such and such job to build a career off of. If nothing else, just hopes and dreams is what I'm looking for. A guy doesn't need to have all is stuff straightened out now for me to find him ambitious enough.
Thedude22 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 And they are all in their early twenties. So, young enough to still rely on mom and dad to help them out if they need it, but old enough to live on their own and try to classify themselves as an "adult" with no ambition. Honestly I don't know too many people who are self-reliant right now. It seems like the non-college degree people are more self-reliant just because they've been working for the last 4 years while I was in school getting good grades. I'd consider myself a heck of a catch but I've technically been unemployed since I graduated last December. Once you graduate you'll know how bad it sucks. You're in this bizarre transitional period where you're too good to be a store manager or a secretary but not experienced enough to get a real job. So you end up just sitting around at your parent's house waiting for a break. Too much of an "adult" to date college people but not enough of an adult to date people in the real world. Madness.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Honestly I don't know too many people who are self-reliant right now. It seems like the non-college degree people are more self-reliant just because they've been working for the last 4 years while I was in school getting good grades. I'd consider myself a heck of a catch but I've technically been unemployed since I graduated last December. Once you graduate you'll know how bad it sucks. You're in this bizarre transitional period where you're too good to be a store manager or a secretary but not experienced enough to get a real job. So you end up just sitting around at your parent's house waiting for a break. Too much of an "adult" to date college people but not enough of an adult to date people in the real world. Madness. Good point. I've been warned about that countless times from my professors. Especially since grad school is very competitive for psychology students and you basically need to have a doctorates in psychology to really have any type of job or be taken seriously(or be considered a psychologist). I'm not even self-reliant right now, and am still relying on mom and dad somewhat just like a few of the guys I've met. But at least I'm planning on ending that this summer, and at least I have some hope to a brighter future than working at a dead end job the rest of my life like too many people are doing these days it seems. Like I said before..dreams are what really matter to me, not if you have everything worked out right now, ya know?
Thedude22 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) Good point. I've been warned about that countless times from my professors. Especially since grad school is very competitive for psychology students and you basically need to have a doctorates in psychology to really have any type of job or be taken seriously(or be considered a psychologist). I'm not even self-reliant right now, and am still relying on mom and dad somewhat just like a few of the guys I've met. But at least I'm planning on ending that this summer, and at least I have some hope to a brighter future than working at a dead end job the rest of my life like too many people are doing these days it seems. Like I said before..dreams are what really matter to me, not if you have everything worked out right now, ya know? Ambition and intelligence are attractive. I really think that is the key factor here, not the job itself. Let's face it a person without a Bachelors or at least an Associates is likely not going to amount to anything, ever. I graduated magna cum laude and I still am having a rough time of it, I have no idea what someone who graduated with under a 3.0, let alone someone without a degree is going to do in this economy. I dated a girl earlier this year who graduated with a 3.8, had a full ride to college, but in the end she had to move back home and get a menial job at a gym. I still knew she was intelligent and I still knew she'd go on to do great things one day and that's all I cared about. The fact she couldn't find a job was unimportant to the reality that she was in all likelyhood in the top 15% of Americans intelligence wise. We all have our tastes though but in my case I simply care if the person is smart, not if they work 60 hrs a week in the hopes they become Assistant Executive Branch Associate Senior Director Paper Pusher Officer. Life is too short to be a slave with a white collar. Edited April 4, 2011 by Thedude22
Hurtbunny Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 To me, work is work. Unless its something unethical. But if someone is in paid employment of any kind, (and have the right attitude in terms of wanting to improve themselves) I couldn't give a toss about where they work. If I met a funny, articulate, intelligent guy who was also a toilet cleaner I wouldn't be put off at all. As long as he was going forward in the right direction, and doing the right things, knowledgeable and intelligent, reads up on current affairs, has the general 'drive' to become better. Even if they aren't doing much at that moment in time. I haven't met many like that that ARE toilet cleaners, but there will be many. I don't date someone for what they are, I date them for what they could become. Its called dating POTENTIAL. Plus I guess I am the type of person that is arrogant enough to believe I can help 'make somebody' - I'm really focused and determined to succeed, so as a partnership that would rub off on him and we would both benefit. Later on in a rship he then might overtake me and be a big wage earner which would be nice but I would never turn down someone on their job. If they had a bad attitude on the other hand, I would turn them down straight away, and likewise a guy with a bad attitude who is CEO of a major company has no chance with me. I like men to be educated though, so he would have to be willing to (with my help) go back to college, get his degree or whatever. Get super qualified and be at the top of his game. But I would invest plenty time and effort in making that happen. For the right person. Too many women want a ready made prince to swan over on a horse and scoop them up out of their lives. Too bad they haven't seen some of the real life fairytales that are happening everyday, where people - shock horror - take a leap of faith and believe in each other first. To me character is key.
NoMagicBullet Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Good point. I've been warned about that countless times from my professors. Especially since grad school is very competitive for psychology students and you basically need to have a doctorates in psychology to really have any type of job or be taken seriously(or be considered a psychologist). ... at least I have some hope to a brighter future than working at a dead end job the rest of my life like too many people are doing these days it seems. Like I said before..dreams are what really matter to me, not if you have everything worked out right now, ya know? Okay, so I'm going to scare the hell out of you now. I have a friend with a PhD in psychology who has struggled with the job search for the last two years. The academic jobs are very limited. (From the little I've heard, clinical might be a better choice for employment purposes.) As for dating, it's okay if someone isn't a right fit for you or there isn't that spark without having to say it's their job or some other specific thing. In other words, don't use these guys' jobs as an excuse not to date them if you weren't interested in dating them anyway. If you're not interested, then you're not interested. No harm, no foul. No need to have a specific reason why, but if you do, then so be it. Others have listed "no go" occupations for them, and I think most people have a list of that type. But then the question is, is it a hard and fast rule that you will never date someone who does XYZ for a living, or would you be willing to give an exceptional individual a chance? Although there are certain occupations I would avoid dating, I'd proabably take a chance on the rare individual if I thought an awesome relationship could happen. There are other, non-occupational things that would be hard and fast rules for me. I think your focus on wanting someone who aspires to be better in some way than they are today, is better than ruling out dates according to jobs right now. Given the current economic conditions, that might be a good rule of thumb for any of us who are looking for a relationship.
Nexus One Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) You know what it is with guys and ambition. Many guys, by default, would like to achieve something, to have their own company for example. However, most of them have no idea of how to go about doing it. Guys like that need to get inspired by others. They need to see what others are doing and how they are doing it. I've been a bit lucky when it comes to having learned about how to build a business and I'm very thankful for that. When I was still in university I stumbled(<- the lucky part) upon a group of entrepreneurs. I've read over a thousand business models and got to learn from that what works and what doesn't. You will not believe that 90% of business plans have NO profit mechanism in them. Meaning A LOT of people try to start businesses without actually knowing how they'll be making money, so those businesses just cost money and are pits where investors throw their money into, money that they will never see back again. And believe it or not, but many investors actually realize that very fact and that's why they spread their investments. Long story short, one of the entrepreneurs I met was an older business man that had over 8 companies. He had a lot of experience and he needed help founding a new company. So me and an international group of people helped co-founding that business. I learned so much from that it's insane, you learn so much from doing that and from seeing how the experienced people operate it's worth doing it FOR FREE. It gave me the experience and insight to start my own business and perhaps even more businesses in the future. So it wasn't just ambition that was enough, it wasn't just money that did it, it wasn't university or mere education. It was a patron, a guy with an incredible amount of experience that knew how to get sh*t done. And guys look at that, they watch that and they think: "Wow, that guy is amazing, he really shows how it's done, I can do that too, I want to do that too." He said to me: "Nexus, when you start a business make sure of the following. Everyone involved and everyone around you should be winning from the endeavor." From him I kind of learned that there are good businessmen out there too, not just men that want to grab everything for themselves. I always wanted to do it the right way, the good way, the ethical way. That guy showed me that that was indeed possible and that luckily I wasn't the only one who thought that way. But despite all that, this is what I've learned throughout everything. Nobody, NOBODY, will just hand it to you. So don't let yourself get seduced into such a mindset, because you'd be fooling yourself. When it comes to starting a business, stick to products or services that you know and look at what others are doing and how they're doing it. PAY ATTENTION to (their) internal business processes and profit mechanisms, because it's so easy to glance over that and not realize what it actually is that you're witnessing there. Business is NOT easy, there is a lot of poverty in the world that emphasizes that. And this all seems straight forward and it probably is, but to really realize the most straight forward things and put them to use is a whole other ball game. Not sure how that is entirely relevant to this thread, but I just thought I should share that. Edited April 4, 2011 by Nexus One
elaina Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Anything sex-industry type or tobacco company is out of the question for me. yechhh. I am sure that there are a few more that make the list. Me too, same as any of the alcohol industry or anything illegal (selling drugs for example), and yeah there could be a few more too
Disillusioned Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I don't consider "drug-dealing" a job. Or any kind of illegal activity. Those are definite no-gos. So much for the myth that women are attracted to bad boys.
zengirl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 So much for the myth that women are attracted to bad boys. I assume some women are. Just not this one.
zengirl Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I think there is a difference between unemployed for now and unemployed for ever. I've dated people who had been laid off and were retraining. I've dated guys who were just out of grad school and teaching at a juco for very little money. thats different than just not working except to work the system so that the government pays the bills. I was dating a guy already WHEN he got laid off and thought no less of him (and we were living together and I made plenty back then, so I even took over the household bills for a bit so he could get things together---though never his personal bills, as I think that would've been too far). However, I wouldn't start dating a guy who was laid off unless he was already in grad school/actively working on the next plan AND financially viable/independent because I don't think starting a relationship when you're in that uncertain state of life is generally a good thing. (If I were laid off, I wouldn't date anyone "new" until I had a plan in action either.)
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