Hope

[Johnny85]

Sometimes in life, what you want and what is good for you are two very different things. Yet my actions up until this day have been solely focused on what I want. I was in a four year relationship that ended approximately three months ago. After the breakup, we had very limited contact. My heart was still filled with hope, and to be perfectly honest, it still is. I am convinced that once I am able to remove every last inch of hope from my heart, I will be able to move on.

 

The idea of letting go, the fear of losing someone is sometimes too overwhelming for my heart and my mind to accept. Our relationship set so many habits, of which some were good and some bad. As time went by, these habits became less and less appreciated. Habits turned into routine, second nature. It seems as if though a part of my heart just couldn't realize at the time how important these habits were to me; and they still are. Irony, that I didn't appreciate what I had until it was gone.

 

It is funny really, how I allowed myself to place so much of my happiness in the hands of another person, without even realizing it. Now that everything is said and done, words like "I miss you" and "I wish it were all different" or "do you know when you can visit me yet?" have the power to send my heart into a euphoric state, only to be crushed a few days later by silence. Hope is the culprit, and my heart is the victim.

 

Last week, I followed my desire, "my want" and visited her. I drove 23 hours just to see her pretty face, beautiful eyes and smile that can light up a room from miles away. I suppose that I needed to see her for three reasons: 1) to get my inessential possessions back; 2) to seek closure and hear those three heartbreaking words, "it is over"; 3) to see if she still cares, the most important reason. I knew what I was setting myself up for; failure, to feel sad, all because I cannot let go.

 

All of these ideas of hope going through my mind. If I had only approached the situation differently, perhaps talked about "our" jokes or been non-confrontational, it may all be different. If I had only shown strength instead of crying in front of her. But that would just be silly, for if she truly wanted to be with me, we would be together now. She wasn't playing any games when she said that "if it's meant to be, we will find each other in the future" or "if you can't be friends, I really understand." My words or actions did not influence hers; that makes me so sad.

 

Instead I am writing these words having to begin the healing process all over again, while she is in a new relationship with someone who she hardly spends any time with. He appears to be non-committal, and everything that I am not. He was fine with me being at her apartment alone with her. And he has a child with another woman. She has changed her appearance, her habits, bought a new cellphone, car, Ipad, wardrobe, new hairstyle. She has moved on and when she feels lonely or sad, or her new boyfriend isn't there to make her happy, she contacts me and fills my heart with hope, just to be crushed again. If I continue our friendship, I have the chance to be there when he breaks her heart, but if I end it, my heart will heal and I can finally move on with my life.

 

Is anyone going through something similar?

[Jerrica]

you sound like such an amazing guy - she doesn't know what she is missing.

 

unfortunately though, you have to let her go....you HAVE to cut all contact and all ties. TRUST ME. Right now she knows you are waiting in the sidelines, she can call you for comfort, or whenever she needs you at her convenience. You deserve better than to be that person for her, cut her off. It will hurt, like hell. But let yourself hurt and feel the pain, know it won't last forever, it WILL pass.

 

my bf broke up with me a month ago. We were in LC til he just got the last of his stuff yesterday. So I am just beginning NC as well. It freaking sucks let me tell you, I just finished balling my eyes out because I miss him so much but hey, at least he didn't see me in my moment of weakness.

 

Don't let her know how you feel, don't show her your emotions because she doesn't deserve to know how you are feeling. Let her feel what it is like to completely lose you, 100% lose you.

 

know you are not alone, so many of us including myself are going through this as well.

[Country_Girl]

Johnny,

 

Your story was really heartbreaking, and I can feel the depth and emotion from your words. Listen, you gave it your all, you went above and beyond, and truth be told, she just isn't worthy of your love and dedication.

 

Cut the chord Johnny, it will be hard. There will good days and bad days, but it will be far more worth it than to be strung along and kept on the back burner. Sure, you could wait in the wings for their relationship to fail- but just think, after those pieces get picked up and she's had your shoulder to cry on on, who's to say she won't break your heart all over again and find someone else.

 

NC all the way buddy.

[Johnny85]

you sound like such an amazing guy - she doesn't know what she is missing.

 

unfortunately though, you have to let her go....you HAVE to cut all contact and all ties. TRUST ME. Right now she knows you are waiting in the sidelines, she can call you for comfort, or whenever she needs you at her convenience. You deserve better than to be that person for her, cut her off. It will hurt, like hell. But let yourself hurt and feel the pain, know it won't last forever, it WILL pass.

 

my bf broke up with me a month ago. We were in LC til he just got the last of his stuff yesterday. So I am just beginning NC as well. It freaking sucks let me tell you, I just finished balling my eyes out because I miss him so much but hey, at least he didn't see me in my moment of weakness.

 

Don't let her know how you feel, don't show her your emotions because she doesn't deserve to know how you are feeling. Let her feel what it is like to completely lose you, 100% lose you.

 

know you are not alone, so many of us including myself are going through this as well.

 

Hi Jerrica,

 

That is some very good advice. I just cannot get over the idea of her being fine with letting me go so easily. How can it be so easy for her to let me go without a single doubt in her heart? She understands if I cannot be friends? Just one month ago she contacted me telling me how much she missed me, how she wishes it was all different. Unfortunately, our relationship is second rate to her new relationship and there isn't anything I can do about it. I have to let her go and give her the change to really miss me.

[Johnny85]

Johnny,

 

Your story was really heartbreaking, and I can feel the depth and emotion from your words. Listen, you gave it your all, you went above and beyond, and truth be told, she just isn't worthy of your love and dedication.

 

Cut the chord Johnny, it will be hard. There will good days and bad days, but it will be far more worth it than to be strung along and kept on the back burner. Sure, you could wait in the wings for their relationship to fail- but just think, after those pieces get picked up and she's had your shoulder to cry on on, who's to say she won't break your heart all over again and find someone else.

 

NC all the way buddy.

 

Thank you Country_Girl. I will try to follow your advice as best as I can. It doesn't exactly help when she says that "she can't say that our relationship is entirely over" and that we may get back together in the future. My situation is, unfortunately, a textbook case of being second rate to her; I am her backup plan. That really sucks!

[tambourinesfelrte]

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