Why does a guy want you in his life if he is " " about continuing relationship

April 4, 2011

Ok you can call me "crazy" if you want. I will try to make this my last thread for awhile.

So ex told me today he still has feelings for me, cares for me and he still wants to be in contact but he is "confused" about salvaging relationship. Now with him it isn't so he can keep me around for sex. He doesn't have sex unless he is in a relationship. If I even tried to initiate he would I know turn me down.

I told him I have to have no contact with him. He asked me why and said "your really not gonna call-text me anymore?" I said no. I don't know if he thinks I'm serious but I meant it.

Told him if he decides to save "us" in a reasonable amount of time, I would be open to talking if I'm still available.

So why does a man want you in his life if he "needs time" to think?

April 4, 2011

In quotes should say "confused" not sure why its not there..

April 4, 2011

You should not have gone to lunch with him, it was too soon.

Listen, you are just going to analyze every little thing he says or does at this point. I'm trying to spare you some heartache, we don't have the answers, nobody is a mind reader. And you can't ask him for answers either, you know why, I am betting he doesn't even know! He's confused, let him figure himself out and adjust accordingly.

He probably doesn't want to cut you out of his life...for the same reason dumpers string dumpee's along. They don't necessarily do it on purpose, but they are missing something in their life- a void that the dumpee used to fill. So when it hits them, they don't know how to react. So what do they do? They reach out to the dumpee, it's a safe zone, a place of comfort, the only thing they know.

April 4, 2011

You should not have gone to lunch with him, it was too soon.

Listen, you are just going to analyze every little thing he says or does at this point. I'm trying to spare you some heartache, we don't have the answers, nobody is a mind reader. And you can't ask him for answers either, you know why, I am betting he doesn't even know! He's confused, let him figure himself out and adjust accordingly.

He probably doesn't want to cut you out of his life...for the same reason dumpers string dumpee's along. They don't necessarily do it on purpose, but they are missing something in their life- a void that the dumpee used to fill. So when it hits them, they don't know how to react. So what do they do? They reach out to the dumpee, it's a safe zone, a place of comfort, the only thing they know.

Yeah I know I'm out of my mind. I know. So its just about being a safe zone..ok.

April 4, 2011

This is why NC is good for you when you are so emotionally tangled.

He still wants to have you in his life because I am sure he did/does enjoy your company, would like to have you there to talk to, and keep the friendship going eventhough there is no more R, etc. He doesn't want to give that up. So he gets to have his cake and eat it too. He is fine just having that with you as long as there is no expectation of a commitment. It's perfect for him. Suits his needs. You on the other hand want the the package. Who stands to get hurt here, YOU.

He will get used to having no contact with you. Plus it will also give him time to figure out what he wants. And you don't implement NC and worry about how it is going to affect the dumper. NC is all about you and what you seek to accomplish from it.

April 4, 2011

Yeah I know I'm out of my mind. I know. So its just about being a safe zone..ok.

It's normal to be "out of your mind" after a breakup. But the only way to get off the roller coaster is to step off the ride. I have been there, and it's not pleasant. Try to stick to NC, and don't analyze what he says, it's just going to drive you crazy. Focus on you, I know that's not what you want to hear (heck, I for sure didn't) but you are really going to save yourself many sleepless nights by just taking things day by day.

April 4, 2011

This is typical in any breakup, guy or girl, and if you are talking and or seeing him, it will be worse.

He is trying to ease the guilt, he knows he doesnt want to be with you but he may actually really care for you, so what better way to relieve the guilt, make you feel like YOU are pushing away contact.

Im not even going to type much more because this is simple - you have exhausted all means to "make it work", dont talk to him and start healing, the reality is everything you are doing now is not helping, so try something new - NC.

April 4, 2011

I won't be contacting him anymore unless there is a miracle and I hear from him first. I don't think he would only be keeping me around out of guilt. That I disagree with but everything else is spot on.

He was genuinely disappointed that I had to sever communication. I will hope that he misses me and wants to reconcile but I know I need to be realistic.

April 4, 2011

i have to put this out there cause it is really getting to me. No one on here can tell another person that "he doesn't want you, or she doesn't want you" They dont know anyones feelings but their own.

What if he does want you? What if he really is going through something that confused him? I agree with the NC because obviously he needs time to figure whatever it is out, but girl dont let anyone tell you he doesnt want you. Just try the NC and see what happens. You will either get him or you wont. Either way you will get sick of waiting around if thats what he does to you.

Just remember you are a superstar and if he doesnt want to be your costar that is his loss.

I am super weak right now and my advice is advice I should take for myself.

April 4, 2011

i have to put this out there cause it is really getting to me. No one on here can tell another person that "he doesn't want you, or she doesn't want you" They dont know anyones feelings but their own.

What if he does want you? What if he really is going through something that confused him? I agree with the NC because obviously he needs time to figure whatever it is out, but girl dont let anyone tell you he doesnt want you. Just try the NC and see what happens. You will either get him or you wont. Either way you will get sick of waiting around if thats what he does to you.
Just remember you are a superstar and if he doesnt want to be your costar that is his loss.

I am super weak right now and my advice is advice I should take for myself.

I think a lot of people here are also hurting and no one wants to tell someone what they want to hear. I want to realistic but I also want to be positive. Some people don't know what they go till its gone. And sometimes that changes things. Sometimes not.

April 4, 2011

I know it is super hard to think about yourself right now.... I am in the same boat and lost my oars to get back to dry land.... I have two kids to take care of so them seeing this depression is killing me even more.

Mine is playing games with me which means he wants me to feel the pain he feels.... He left stuff here so that he can see how things work out..... ok thats keeping one foot in and one foot out.... confusing the heck out of me and hurting me all at the same time. What if I just close that door and make the decision mine? I am sure he isnt going to like that but I am so angry right now that NC is going to be super easy now. Im done letting him treat me that way. Its not even been two weeks yet and he is being super mean to me and as I laid in bed last night I though to myself, do I want someone who can say I love you and miss you and want to work things out but doesnt show up to do so? And if I call and he answers,,,, he talks for one second and says I will call you back. That to me is not the love I am looking for. That shows his immaturity and boy oh boy have I been stooping to his level. I cant do it anymore. I really cant.

So all that to say... do what you must to ease your mind.... if he wants you he should come get you .... you will get sick of waiting if he doesnt give you what you deserve. You deserve to be loved.

April 4, 2011

I won't be contacting him anymore unless there is a miracle and I hear from him first. I don't think he would only be keeping me around out of guilt. That I disagree with but everything else is spot on.
He was genuinely disappointed that I had to sever communication. I will hope that he misses me and wants to reconcile but I know I need to be realistic.

There is guilt in the sense of he feels bad for what is happening, the reality is most dumpers do feel bad even when us dumpees think they dont. Dont get me wrong, i think he genuinely doesnt want you out of his life but my reponse to that would be that you dont just want a friend, or him just as a friend. So if you arent together it will be constant problems and pain for you.

Keep doing what you are doing, and everything you are saying about him i said about my ex who is a female, so we all do it, feelings change and things change, just gotta roll with it and own it.

April 4, 2011

There is guilt in the sense of he feels bad for what is happening, the reality is most dumpers do feel bad even when us dumpees think they dont. Dont get me wrong, i think he genuinely doesnt want you out of his life but my reponse to that would be that you dont just want a friend, or him just as a friend. So if you arent together it will be constant problems and pain for you.

Keep doing what you are doing, and everything you are saying about him i said about my ex who is a female, so we all do it, feelings change and things change, just gotta roll with it and own it.

I know he feels bad about me hurting. But what I'm saying is I don't think he wants time to think about things out of guilt. I think he is really conflicted over being with me or not. He asked me if he could have time. I told him he can do what he wants, but I can't wait for him. If he decides he wants to salvage things, sooner than later, he knows how to find me.

April 4, 2011

People are giving you very good advice on the thread you started in the Dating forum.

Hope you find it useful.

April 4, 2011

"Ok you can call me "crazy" if you want. I will try to make this my last thread for awhile."

Nah, you are not crazy, you are just being heartbroken.

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"So ex told me today he still has feelings for me, cares for me and he still wants to be in contact but he is "confused" about salvaging relationship. Now with him it isn't so he can keep me around for sex. He doesn't have sex unless he is in a relationship. If I even tried to initiate he would I know turn me down."

My ex bf said the same thing to me too before I went into strict NC for myself, he said he still love me, cares for me and confused about us. It's nice to hear that he's not the kind of man who will humiliate a woman's virtue.

However, you still have to understand that being with a man who is confused in his relationship is going to be very unhealthy for you, and the relationship.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I told him I have to have no contact with him. He asked me why and said "your really not gonna call-text me anymore?" I said no. I don't know if he thinks I'm serious but I meant it."

Best is just go disappear from his life and not telling him you are not contacting him.

I will say generally dumpers trying to keep us, dumpees at their arm's length because it is a way for them to feel less guilty if we still remain contact with them. If he wants you, let him do the sincere action to move on. It's good you are meaning it your not contacting him anymore.

My ex bf said he had no intention to hurt me from this break up, however his actions of breaking up with me did hurt me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Told him if he decides to save "us" in a reasonable amount of time, I would be open to talking if I'm still available."

You don't tell a man you are waiting for him because he will then believe no matter what happens to his future relationships or to his life, you will be there waiting for him.

In this case, even if he still cares about you and wants to be with you (say for example), he may no longer find the need and urgency to woo you back.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So why does a man want you in his life if he "needs time" to think?"

If a man wants you, he will wants you without any questions. Once he needs time, it means he feels something wrong about this relationship or he has completely lose interest in you and the relationship.

April 4, 2011

People are giving you very good advice on the thread you started in the Dating forum.

Hope you find it useful.

Gave up on going in that forum. Too many "internet bullies".

April 4, 2011

"Ok you can call me "crazy" if you want. I will try to make this my last thread for awhile."

Nah, you are not crazy, you are just being heartbroken.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So ex told me today he still has feelings for me, cares for me and he still wants to be in contact but he is "confused" about salvaging relationship. Now with him it isn't so he can keep me around for sex. He doesn't have sex unless he is in a relationship. If I even tried to initiate he would I know turn me down."

My ex bf said the same thing to me too before I went into strict NC for myself, he said he still love me, cares for me and confused about us. It's nice to hear that he's not the kind of man who will humiliate a woman's virtue.

However, you still have to understand that being with a man who is confused in his relationship is going to be very unhealthy for you, and the relationship.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I told him I have to have no contact with him. He asked me why and said "your really not gonna call-text me anymore?" I said no. I don't know if he thinks I'm serious but I meant it."

Best is just go disappear from his life and not telling him you are not contacting him.

I will say generally dumpers trying to keep us, dumpees at their arm's length because it is a way for them to feel less guilty if we still remain contact with them. If he wants you, let him do the sincere action to move on. It's good you are meaning it your not contacting him anymore.

My ex bf said he had no intention to hurt me from this break up, however his actions of breaking up with me did hurt me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Told him if he decides to save "us" in a reasonable amount of time, I would be open to talking if I'm still available."

You don't tell a man you are waiting for him because he will then believe no matter what happens to his future relationships or to his life, you will be there waiting for him.

In this case, even if he still cares about you and wants to be with you (say for example), he may no longer find the need and urgency to woo you back.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So why does a man want you in his life if he "needs time" to think?"

If a man wants you, he will wants you without any questions. Once he needs time, it means he feels something wrong about this relationship or he has completely lose interest in you and the relationship.

I didn't tell him I was waiting. I said if he came to the conclusion he wants to salvage it than if I'm still available and interested I'm open to talking. I told him I was already actively moving on. I told him I couldn't wait. Don't think its a "guilty" thing for him. I think he really is confused. Do I like that he's confused, no. Do I think its a bad thing? Of course.

April 4, 2011

If you feel that he is truly confused at this moment, he will come back on his own to get you back. At the meantime, concentrate on yourself first. You will be fine.

April 4, 2011

If you feel that he is truly confused at this moment, he will come back on his own to get you back. At the meantime, concentrate on yourself first. You will be fine.

I'm trying to concentrate on anything but my feelings for him. I'm tired of thinking about this stuff. I find it funny that I actually felt bad about cutting contact with him. Its a little harder for me since I know he doesn't really know anyone in this state and only has a few friends he sees maybe a few times a month. When he wasn't working he spent most of his time with me.

But I know its his choice keeping us apart as a couple. But I just can't keep contact and "wait". As much as I love him and want to talk to him, its too painful. Bits and pieces of time and attention isn't enough for me. I want and deserve more.

Edited April 4, 2011 by TryingtoUnderstand32

April 4, 2011

Bravo for concentrating on yourself This is a good sign.

"I want and deserve more."

I love t his quote from you, keep it up.

April 4, 2011

Bravo for concentrating on yourself This is a good sign.

"I want and deserve more."
I love t his quote from you, keep it up.

I'm trying to keep telling myself that

April 4, 2011

im in same boat with the time to think, my ex said that to me,,, been broken up since feb, casually hung out feb/march he took me out for my bday and then i did NC since after my bday dinner since things didnt pan out the way he thought they would

Usually time to think means, they are uncertain about the relationship or think grass is greener on other side. i know that NC Is hard especially the first few weeks, but the more time goes by the easier it gets.

Id love to call or text my ex, but what would the purpose be since he wants time to go think? by us not contacting them we magnify the fact of their decision, we make them miss us more and wonder about us, if they are used to use texting calling they will start thinking hey wonder why she hasnt called, has she moved on, did i make the right choice? etc. even if they DO or DO NOT have someone else occupying their time.

Focus on yourself, and remember they usually come back begging for another chance but that happens after you get over them,, karma is funny

April 4, 2011

Yup you are so right.... I went NC for a couple of days and he was texting me... hello, u ok?

Of course I didnt answer but the next day I did cause all I could think about was oh he wants to talk to me.

Well he said he wanted to work things out, I got all excited, he said it twice in the past week but doesnt do anything about it. WORDS are just WORDS.....

Anyhow decided it was time to crawl out from under the rock and go total NC and focus on me. Yes Karma happens and most do come back if in fact they did love you and you have a viable relationship for some period of time.

I went as far as changing the locks last night because he thinks he can treat me the way he has been and come in my house when I am at work to do what? Last time he grabbed a few of his things, ate some food, took some snacks.... probably used my toilet and maybe even my shower.

What else did he do that I did not see? This morning I went to every window in my house and made sure it was locked. I took his stuff to the garage yesterday and locked it up too. HE doesnt want me, he will see what it is like for me to be out of his way....

April 4, 2011

im in same boat with the time to think, my ex said that to me,,, been broken up since feb, casually hung out feb/march he took me out for my bday and then i did NC since after my bday dinner since things didnt pan out the way he thought they would

Usually time to think means, they are uncertain about the relationship or think grass is greener on other side. i know that NC Is hard especially the first few weeks, but the more time goes by the easier it gets.

Id love to call or text my ex, but what would the purpose be since he wants time to go think? by us not contacting them we magnify the fact of their decision, we make them miss us more and wonder about us, if they are used to use texting calling they will start thinking hey wonder why she hasnt called, has she moved on, did i make the right choice? etc. even if they DO or DO NOT have someone else occupying their time.

Focus on yourself, and remember they usually come back begging for another chance but that happens after you get over them,, karma is funny

Good points. When I saw him yesterday, he asked me what I liked about him..though it was weird since that's not something he ever asked me before. He also asked me if I had put my profile back up on the dating site we originally met on. And of course I naturally want to analyze these questions but than I remind myself that he still "isn't sure what he wants". It would hurt me still but at the same time make it so much easier if he just told me he didn't care or have feelings for me anymore.

April 4, 2011

Yup you are so right.... I went NC for a couple of days and he was texting me... hello, u ok?

Of course I didnt answer but the next day I did cause all I could think about was oh he wants to talk to me.

Well he said he wanted to work things out, I got all excited, he said it twice in the past week but doesnt do anything about it. WORDS are just WORDS.....

Anyhow decided it was time to crawl out from under the rock and go total NC and focus on me. Yes Karma happens and most do come back if in fact they did love you and you have a viable relationship for some period of time.

I went as far as changing the locks last night because he thinks he can treat me the way he has been and come in my house when I am at work to do what? Last time he grabbed a few of his things, ate some food, took some snacks.... probably used my toilet and maybe even my shower.
What else did he do that I did not see? This morning I went to every window in my house and made sure it was locked. I took his stuff to the garage yesterday and locked it up too. HE doesnt want me, he will see what it is like for me to be out of his way....

Sometimes people don't know what they got till its gone...

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