How can I believe what hes telling me? Should I stand by him or not?

[Hollywood04]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years and I recently just found out a whole bunch of interesting facts about him. In the past month I found out that he may have a child by an ex, he knew a month before he told me, he spent all his tax money on drugs, stole from people he was close to and basically changed into a completely different person.( I found out about the stealing and drugs on my own b/c he said he was too scared to tell me)When I found out he had a drug problem and about this little girl that might be his, I told him I would be there for him and help him with whatever he needs because I truly do love him. He admitted that he had a drug problem and took the appropriate steps to get help with that. Due to the problem he has I can't trust him or believe anything that comes out of his mouth so I'm always second guessing him and playing the privat investigator.

 

A few days ago, the girl that's sending him to go get a DNA test called him and he acted real immature about the whole situation. He called her names and then hung up on her but thats all he would tell me. He keeps hiding her phone number so no one can talk to her and he refuses to tell me what she said. I know hes scared and I'm worried so I tried to talk with him about it and he completely flipped out and told me he wasn't going to deal with this right now. We got into a huge argument and I told him to get his things and leave and he through a fit but finally left. I feel guilty for breaking up with him but I don't want to deal with all his lying and hiding things anymore.

So I called him to see how things were going and he acted like the whole break up was my fault. Granted I did tell him to leave and that I couldn't be with someone who couldn't own up to his responsibilities or sit down and have a reasonable conversation with me, but I've never lied to him or hid things from him. We've been through a lot of crap in our relationship and I know that it's supposed to make you stronger but I don't know when to say enough is enough. I feel like this relationship is draining the energy out of me but I don't know how to just give up on him!

 

If there is anyone out there with any kind of advice whatsoever, I would greatly appreciate it. Should I finally call it quits or stand by him yet again during another one of his many times of need? How can I begin to believe what he's telling me again? Should I belive what he tells me? I know he loves me but I just don't understand why he does things to hurt me?

[SoleMate]

My advice? Leave him now. Yes, it's great to stand by your loved ones when they are in need. But that applies fully only when you chose wisely in the first place. If you had known about his irresponsible and cruel attitude towards his illegitimate child and her mother, drug dealing, theft, and lies, you never would have made a commitment to him, would you? Saying goodbye can be very hard. If I were in your shoes, I would make it easier for myself by imagining that I was the mother of an illegitimate child by this man and he spoke to me the way you heard him doing to his ex. Name calling and hanging up, after she risks her life bringing THEIR child into the world. In fact, I might not just say goodbye, I might actually kick his rear down the steps and out into expressway traffic. All the puppydog eyes in the world can't change the reality of what he is, unfortunately.

[zarathustra]

Close this chapter of your life and keep it shut. That man is TROUBLE. He's a user. He used the mother of his child and he'll use you.

 

There are too many good men out there, men who are drug free, men who accept responsibility for their actions and men who won't only do that which makes them happy, for you to waste another minute with this guy. He's toxic.

 

You've said your good-byes. Now, move on and don't look back.

[Velveteel]

I agree. Unless he's seventeen, there's no excuse for this kind of behavior. We all have to face the consequences of our choices. He sounds too immature and volatile to have a relationship with. And blaming you for the break-up is just another example of his refusing to own up to his actions.

 

Of course, it's easy for complete strangers to tell you to move on, but you do need to think seriously about whether helping this guy limp through life does any good for you at all.