nothingpersonal Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 First time poster... That's actually rather depressing. Anyway, I've been lurking this forum for about a month know (depressing, too. I know.), and I could really use some advice... I'll try to keep it short. My ex and I broke up about 5 weeks ago. She ended it, via the phone, about 10 minutes after attempting to make plans to see me the following weekend. Clearly, I was very thrown off by this. We had been arguing for a few days, and I had attempted to break things off out of anger and she told me she couldn't believe I'd give up everything over a stupid fight... Figures. She sighted reasons such as wanting to be single, feeling smothered, etc. I'll be the first to admit I was too controlling. I didn't like her drinking and didn't like most of her friends (drugs). It wasn't a trust issue at all. She has a family history of both alcohol and drug abuse and has mentioned in the past that she was afraid of ending up like her father. Before anyone says "women don't like needy men," I'd better clarify I'm a girl, too. That should be irrelevant but, the fact of the matter is that I was NOT the only needy one in the relationship. The day we broke up, she was upset with me because I didn't answer the phone the night before, as I was watching TV. We were together about two years. I graduated college in May and she graduates in a month. I was holding out hope, thinking maybe when all of her "friends" suddenly disappeared, things would work themselves out. We were pretty serious. She broke all the major milestones ("I Love You," talking about moving in together, looking at rings, all that stuff.) In typical fashion, I spent a week doing everything I wasn't supposed to do ie: calling, texting, e-mailing, etc. She deleted me from Facebook and Twitter but didn't block me on either site. She changed her pictures on them to things she knew would make me upset, and started "tweeting" more than ever, to rub in my face all the fun she was having (I only know this because she only ever used Twitter when she was with me.) I am aware how petty this sounds. So then, after heeding the advice of you wonderful people, I went NC. I didn't send a message, I just stopped contacting her. It's been a month. I deactivated Facebook, stopped getting on Twitter, stopped getting on AIM, and stopped checking my phone compulsively. I started seeing a therapist to figure out why I'm so controlling and threw everything I had into my crappy retail job. And then she texted me yesterday... It's funny, because she swore she deleted me out of her phone but evidently still has my number. She is trying to make arrangements to get her things back... three weeks from now. I honestly have nothing of value of hers, maybe a couple of T-shirts and a pair of pajamas. I don't want any of my things back. Nothing is worth having to deal with the memory of all of this. I mean, I want her back, really, I do. I know NC is for me but I was also hoping the space would make her miss me. So I didn't reply to the text. I figured she could at least make a phone call if her few, unvaluable things were worth that much to her. But then she texted me again today asking. I'm FAR from over her. The past month of NC has been complete hell, but I've stayed strong and now I'm not sure what to do. Do I text back? I definitely cant meet her face to face. I could text back and tell her I'll send her stuff and she can donate mine, but I'd still be breaking NC. She knows I work retail, so for her to ask me when I can meet up three weeks from now is absolutely ridiculous, as I have no idea what my schedule will look like, or my family plans for Easter. Is this just a check-in text, since I've essentially fallen off the grid? How should I react? Should I ignore it? After all, SHE broke up with ME. I don't owe her ANYTHING, even if she really wants her pillow and t-shirt back. But I'm hesitant to burn my bridges because I really do want things to work out. Any advice would be appreciated.
todd Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Past advice I have read on this is to just remain in NC and get a friend of yours to drive the stuff over for you (or you can mail it). There is no need to send a response or contact her on this matter.
geegirl Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 NC. NC. NC. Pack her stuff now and have a friend drop it off to her. Or mail it to her. Do it soon so you don't keep getting text messages. Don't text her back. You went from hounding her to falling off the face of the earth. I'm sure she is curious and is now throwing out the fishing line. Don't fall for it. Don't break NC. You don't want to give up all that hard work and stall your progress.
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