Girlygirl1977 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 So I think for me as a woman I can likely consider -3 and +10 - without feeling a bit strange. Recently I was invited to a party by a friend and I met the host. He followed up about meeting for a drink. This ended up being dinner at a pretty nice restaurant. I actually get along with him and we have things in common (same ugrad etc.) but he is 14 years older than me! This is not something my mind likes. I have to try to be careful with my follow-now because we have some friends in common. It has made me curious - so what is the barrier for people? What age differences start to feel innappropriate for you (like a natural instinct)?
Darren Taylor Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Depends on the age. I'll be 23, so at 23 anything less than 20 would probably fall into that category. For those that are older than me, probably anything over 28.
HopelessR Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I'm 21. I won't date anyone younger than 20 or older than 30ish, I think. But it really depends on what you are looking for. LTR, children in the furture, etc.
Eeyore79 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I'm early thirties, so I'm happy to date from mid twenties upwards. Ten years older is early forties though; I can't date a guy over forty, it would be like dating my dad! Apart from anything else, I want marriage and kids, and a guy over forty is a little too old for that - I don't want my kids to be in high school when their dad is in his sixties! So 25-35 is my ideal range, but tbh I prefer a younger man.
ReturnToSender Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Depends on the guy...when I was in my early 20s I met my ex who was literally twice my age... But he was in amazing shape, very fun and lived/loved life. Only a couple times did anyone look at us funny or make a comment....for the most part people said we vibed together so well the age difference wasnt a big deal. My current ex though, hes in his late 30's and he really does act like an old man, always sick, complains a lot and is a home body. Even though hes only 4 years older than me, everyone always assumed he was much older than me. When he left me for the girl in her early 20's, everyone thought he was a perv and still cant get over it that they were/are involved. Personally...my lower limit is -5, and I guess my upper limit would be that I cant be young enough to be a guys grandkid...but other than that Im open. Ive come across guys my age who say "Im too old for this" like a mantra and yeah....they feel way too old for me even though we are the same age...and Ive met guys 20+ years older than me that I wonder if I can keep up with their energy. Also, many guys my age are just now thinking about the idea of settling down and having kids...Im done having kids. The one I have is enough and now that shes a teenager, it would take one heck of a ridiculously amazing guy for me to start over again. Much older guys tend to have kids around my age or older, and dont want to start over like that again anyway. Eh....yeah...it depends on the guy.
Intricategirl Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I am 34. In the last year or so, I've dated as young as 26. I'm okay with it as long as I don't start doing the math and figuring out how old he was when I graduated from high school. On the high end, I'd consider up to 59. I just don't think I could cross the big 6-0 line without feeling weird. I prefer guys that are a little older than I am. I'm really ambivalent about having any more kids, so I'm looking for a guy that has already had his kids, already established in his career, pretty overall stable in his life. Ideally... 38-45
denise_xo Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 When he could be my father. My ex was 12 years older than me, and that was fine.
orangelady Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 So I think for me as a woman I can likely consider -3 and +10 - without feeling a bit strange. Recently I was invited to a party by a friend and I met the host. He followed up about meeting for a drink. This ended up being dinner at a pretty nice restaurant. I actually get along with him and we have things in common (same ugrad etc.) but he is 14 years older than me! This is not something my mind likes. I have to try to be careful with my follow-now because we have some friends in common. It has made me curious - so what is the barrier for people? What age differences start to feel innappropriate for you (like a natural instinct)? I am the same as you, my friend. -3 and +10 but I find that the ones who are about the same age as me don't seem to be attracted to me and find them a little unstable (even the ones that are 10 years older). Trust me, 14 years is nothing. My parents were 11 years apart and my cousin's husband is 15 yrs older than her. They get along well. I guess it depends how your culture is like. do you think 28 yrs is a lot of difference? Does it really matter if two people get along okay and what does it have to do with others? They also live their own lives and you live yours. It may seem very 'odd' to the public but they don't know what the couple is like, where their hearts are and what they are going through. So at the end of the day, it's all down to you. Are you comfortable with this person? Or you just don't like the 'idea' of it? Do you not like the idea of it or the person?
BeginAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 For other people more and more I don't care about the age gap in the couple. I'm sick of the ageism I see in the news and in the culture in general. Too many people now think if a guy is dating a girl who is 18-25 and he isn't merely a few years older he is some kind of pedophile. Personally for myself I want a woman who could safely have children so somewhere in their twenties maybe even 18 or 19. Mainly this is since I have yet to have a child and I'd like hopefully at least two. The particular age doesn't really matter to me. After I have children I wouldn't care. Women from eighteen to their forties or fifties can be equally attractive. Though women are sensitive about age gaps. It probably wouldn't feel comfortable for a woman in their 40's or 50's to be with me. Might not be comfortable for a woman even in her 30's. A few months ago a woman asked me why I was out of school and if I had a day off. I hadn't been in high school for 10-11 years. Reminds me of the time I was in my mid twenties and they wouldn't allow me into the mall on a Friday night because the curfew for those under 18 is set at 4pm or something.
Ross PK Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 If a girl was under 18, or if she was over 45. I'm 35.
zengirl Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I don't know about inappropriate. I'd say anything over +10/-10 is inappropriate in general (though depends on ages, making sure everyone is legal, etc). But for ME, personally, as a 26 year old woman, I consider my dating range of men 23-32 year old men. My preferred range is 25-30 in theory, though my BF is now 31 (recently) and that's fine. I really don't like the idea of dating someone vastly older than me, and I'm a bit wary of dating anyone under 25 because I feel like most people are still getting their stuff together in their early 20s and figuring out who they want to be. And even with my boyfriend, I struggle a bit with him being too settled/set in his ways, which is the issue with men well into their 30s. He owns property. He is pretty much tied to this city. But at 31, he is still not SO very stubborn about how he sees his life going that he cannot incorporate me. I think the key is to find someone close to the same life stage as you, which theoretically can be different than their age --- but if someone is very much below their age/immature for their age, that turns me off, so I wouldn't want to date guys who are too much older.
tigressA Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I'm 24 and my absolute limit is -3/+10. Any younger or older and they are automatically ruled out as I'm just way too uncomfortable with the idea. My preferred range is -1/+6. Though I hardly ever drink, I wouldn't want to date someone who couldn't legally accompany me/my friends if I were so inclined. My BF is turning 30 soon. He's the oldest guy I've been in a relationship with. Most of the time I'm unaware of the age gap between us.
Gala Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 When I was 37, a guy who was 49 became very interested in me. I hadn't dated anyone that age, or dealt with that large an age difference before. He was considered handsome, was an accomplished businessman, and 6'6" to boot -- so quite a presence. I tried it out briefly, but didn't continue the relationship. One factor is definitely what "seems" too old in abstract, but just as important is the set of life experiences that one shares with people within one's own age range. When we were in our late 20's, a friend of mine married a guy who was in his late 40's. I never understood it, and still think she had a need for someone older due to her own father's emotional immaturity. They're still married, but have had lots of issues -- many of them tied to her husband's immaturity (surprise!). I feel most comfortable dating guys who are within, say, 3 years on either side.
smudge21 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I never really think about the age gap, I just go with whatever works. Sometimes I'll hit it off with girls the same age or older (I'm late thirties) and sometimes younger. My most recent ex was 20, but we hit it off as friends before anything serious happened because we had a similar sense of humour and interests. Before her, a girl 3 years older than me. Some part of society will frown upon you if you have a large age gap but I think you should just be with someone because you like/love them and not let an age gap interfere (as long as it's legal).
somedude81 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I'm 29. So inappropriate for me is under 18 till about 30. Honestly though, I don't go after girls my age. I don't have anything in common with them.
BeginAgain Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 One factor is definitely what "seems" too old in abstract, but just as important is the set of life experiences that one shares with people within one's own age range. I never feel like I share any sort of common ground or experience with a woman no matter her age.
Nexus One Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Being 29 my general comfort zone is at -10/+10, but do I think anything outside of that range is inappropriate? No, because what it really comes down to is if you feel attracted to the person and if you click with them and feel a connection and if you feel you can lead a happy and fulfilling life with them.
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