ASG Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 My bf and I broke up on friday, after dating for almost 8 months. It was a completely mutual break up. For a few months now we had been going around in circles, cause some things weren't working and we'd talk about it and about wether we should stay together or break up. We would decide to try again and things would be ok for a week or two until some sort of argument brought on the "crisis talk" again. Last Thursday we had one of those stupid arguments and he brought up the "crisis talk" again. We were on the phone, so didn't get into it, but I had time to think about things that night and decided that I was tired, not of trying, but of not getting anywhere. And of always having those "crisis talks" hanging about. So I made up my mind. If we didn't reach an actual solution to our problems, we would have to break up. Friday came and we got together late at night to talk about the latest crisis. He once again laid out his issues, and say he felt he was giving up on us (which is obviously not a good thing) and that he didn't know how to fix our relationship, to make it work. I had to agree with him. And even admit that although I had spent the last few months trying (maybe harder than him), the reason I was doing it was because it was easier than breaking up. So it really left us no choice and we decided to end it. We also have very different views on what we want for the future, because he doesn't want to get married or have kids (or even move in with anyone) and I do, so the truth is, even if we had worked things out in the past few months, we were likely headed for heartbreak down the line. Yesterday I went to his place to get my things and give him back my keys, and it was hard... For both of us. Even though we know that it is the absolute right thing to do. I have been keeping busy and spent the night with friends, rationalizing the break up, in order to be able to move forward. I have been the crazy ex and that scares the hell out of me. I don't want to go there again. My last breakup I was dumped and I begged and I cried and I stalked and I called and texted and we ended up having sex for months, even though he had a new gf already... it was just NOT pretty and I don't want to go back there. I managed get over him though. After a few months of feeling used and like nothing, things changed in my life and I just didn't want to call him anymore. But things are different this time. He wants to stay friends. I want to stay friends (and before everyone jumps out of the woodwork saying that that is impossible, that is not my experience. I am still friends with some of my exes - the guy I described before being one of those exes. We aren't best friends, but we do keep in touch). But I think I may need some time to get over this first initial breakup shock.. But he's already called me today (I didn't answer) and texted me (I haven't replied). I want to, though. I'm not sure strict NC is the answer here...
Little_Bee Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 You don't need to stay completely NC if you think it will work for you the otherwise. However, your really should consider an initial NC for a couple of weeks so that you both have time to come to terms with the break up. If you then feel already able to just being friends, go for it.
Country_Girl Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I agree with Little Bee, maybe just some short term NC in the beginning to get your barrings straight, then proceed into Low Contact. I wouldn't just cut him off or anything, just let him know you need some time before you both speak again but would like to remain in his life.
Author ASG Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Thank you for your replies. I did end up calling him afterwards and it was fine... But I will need to go NC for a while, as he is expecting me to kinda be his sounding board on his day... I don't want to talk to him every day! And it annoys me slightly that he's being all "brave" and worried about me and wanting to help me... I don't need his help. I will be fine. But I guess he always did have a protective side and I always positioned myself as slightly defenseless, which makes him worry... I don't know. What I do know is that I don't want to see him in the near future. At all. I completely broke down yesterday when he drove me home, after I went to his house to get my stuff. We both did... We reeiterated that it was the right decision, but I'm not looking forward to that happening again, any time soon!
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