Author justnotthere Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 You're making a lot of inferences into her behavior. You don't know if she flirts with lots of men, or if she flirted with you b/c she really meant it, since you don't really know her. You don't know why she did not respond to either of your attempts to make contact, but I'd say, if she had the crush on you that you think she had, she would have responded, and been pretty darn excited about it. I agree, I figure either 1) she wasn't as interested as I thought, 2) something about my approach really put her off, or 3) she was waiting to get back on campus (of course unaware that I was leaving) Also, since you were not forthcoming, did it occur to you that she thought that she would run into you again on campus or be able to find you after the holiday break? She had no idea you were moving 1,000 miles away, so she may have made an assumption that you would be around, and that's only logical on her part. I think this is likely what happened. That's what I was getting at in paragraph 4 of post 12 She's an undergrad, she's young, and there's no telling how serious she is about getting into a relationship with you or anyone. I agree If your guilt is eating you alive, the only recourse you have is to call her (no text messages, that's tacky) to explain your behavior. You could say that you underestimated your own feelings and regret that you weren't honest, even though it was very unlikely you could have a LDR with 1,000 miles between you (and this is very, very true). I decided that I'm going to call. If we both want it to work, I have no doubt that we can make it work. The timing and circumstance of this whole thing was crappy from the start. I have to work with what I have. You can stick your neck out and try calling her, but if she rebuffs you, that is something you'll have to live with. I think I can handle this. If she's not receptive right now, it's likely that she never will be. I don't presume to control the universe. If not, you have to think very clearly as to WHY you are making contact with her and what you want that contact to be about. I mean, what do you really want from her from 1,000 miles away --- realistically? mmmmmm. Do you even know? I want to see if there is potential here and I want peace of mind. I also want to apologize in the interest of decency. Do you think that's realistic? I figure now seems like as good a time as any to get this handled.
Author justnotthere Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Thanks WT, it looks to me like she was playing him so or maybe had a crush on an 'authority figure' rather than a genuine love interest. When the dynamic changed at the end of the year she didn't reply to his call/text. Certainly plausible
Author justnotthere Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Thanks all for posting. This is really helping me sort this out. I feel a lot more relaxed and in control now.
NXS Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Thanks all for posting. This is really helping me sort this out. I feel a lot more relaxed and in control now. Good luck with it JN, hope it works out for you. Either way at least you'll know if she's interested or not and can then then go forward without regret/indecision. Have you decided when to make the call? Keep us updated.
Author justnotthere Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Good luck with it JN, hope it works out for you. Either way at least you'll know if she's interested or not and can then then go forward without regret/indecision. Have you decided when to make the call? Keep us updated. Thanks About a week from now. Maybe 4-5 days before I head back to her area. I don't want too much waiting time in there.
NXS Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Thanks About a week from now. Maybe 4-5 days before I head back to her area. I don't want too much waiting time in there. Yeah that's good timing, not too long or short. Again try to keep it light and interesting, no gushing of feelings, no big apologies, just a light-hearted conversation and a hint that you'll be back in the area and would like to meet up.
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