brutalglide Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) Hey guys, Having some issues in my relationship, original thread regarding breakup is here if you want to read (kinda long): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269731/ So me/my 2 year LDR girlfriend broke up last 2.5 weeks ago. She's always loved me more than I loved her and we rarely fought before. However, my lack of commitment/making her feel insecure/LDR even drove her to emotionally cheat with some guy and eventually she broke up with me/I kinda broke up with her. In the days following the breakup, I found out from one of her friends she felt like I didn't love her/wouldn't ever commit to her and eventually I called a few days later and told her I was ready to commit (move to same city in a month) and loved her. For some reason, it felt like she didn't "want" to get back together (she wasn't pressing getting back together it was more me), but she ended up saying she wanted to get back together as well. She admitted she was wrong to become close with this guy and ignore me, but claims nothing happened between them. I admitted I was wrong to make her feel insecure by never fully committing to the relationship (I tried to always live in present not future). However, ever since the breakup, I've become extremely untrusting/insecure in our relationship. All I can think about is how she emotionally cheated and then wanted to break up with me. Ever single time she says she'll call me/doesn't call/ignores my text/responds slow, etc. my brain tries to come up with a reason. I've tried explaining to her that I'm being insecure/untrusting because of what she did and I can't just get over everything that happened that quickly. However, I'm really really sick of feeling like this and she isn't helping the situation (ie. she apologizes for not calling when she says she will, yet something else will happen a few days later like her not responding to my text/call although she always seems to have some sort of excuse). We've been "fighting" (well, more like me accusing her of something and getting upset then her explaining herself and me apologizing for accusing her and explaining its cause I'm untrusting/insecure since the breakup and can't help it), but it's happening more than we've ever fought in our relationship. I love her to death and I want to make it work, but at this point I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I feel so ****ty and feel like she doesn't care about me at all that I want to just break up with her. She's handled my lack of trust/insecurity very well and hasn't lashed back at me a single time (with the exception of last night where I called and we started arguing after she just spent the entire day arguing with her parents) Help? Edited April 3, 2011 by brutalglide
0hpenelope Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 depp had great insights on your situation, brother. Did you re-read them?
Author brutalglide Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) Doesn't matter, it's over. Ex-gf lied about everything. Her friend felt bad that my ex-gf decided to get back together with me and told me. She's been cheating probably for a month behind my back and went so far as to get engaged to the other guy (to which her parents refused to let her). Looking back, my ex has got some serious insecurity issues and both me/her friend agree that she probably thought that getting engaged/married means that the guy will never leave her and that's why she got engaged so quickly (naive). And that's also why she ended up cheating on me, because I wasn't ready to get engaged/married that quickly and never made a commitment to her so she felt insecure. Then this other guy enters the equation, proclaims his undying love for her, says he will propose to her, treats her well, etc. She then decided to accept his proposal (why take a ? when u can have something else for certain), but then her parents refused to let it continue (they knew each other like...1-2 months? and she was dating me WHILE seeing him). I'm guessing that after this happened, she figured I'm her next best shot at getting married and decided to lie to me about everything in order to get me back. Pretty funny that when I tried talking to her about all this stuff, she's the one who got all pissy at me and tries to make me feel guilty when she's the cheater and lair. And then she goes so far as to be like: as of today we no longer have a relationship and I've decided I'm marrying that guy. It's like she's holding him over my head being like, if you don't want me I have this guy on the back burner and I can get married to him. I'm betting she'll come to her senses sometime in the near future and realize how badly she ****ed everything up. Way worse than I ever thought it could be. Everything that happened makes crystal clear sense now. I'm moving on now, she deserves 0 sympathy, a chronic cheater/liar is a waste of my time. Edited April 4, 2011 by brutalglide
Fufu Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 This is truly a blessing in disguise. I'm happy to see you moving on
WTRanger Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Imagine that. A second chance that ends the same way the first chance did. Who would have thunk? Learn from this for any future relationship. People do not change in the span of 3 weeks. If you really want a second chance to succeed, you need to fix what was broke the first time. You can't put a coat of paint over it and call it a fix.
Author brutalglide Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) No, these aren't "new" things that happened. These are all things that happened pre-breakup, but when we broke up / got back together she lied about what really happened pre-breakup (claimed it was "only" emotional cheating, nothing else). When I was talking to a mutual friend telling her that me/my ex-gf got back together she was really surprised. When I asked why, I learned the truth from her (ie. her cheating, the proposal, etc.) In reality, my ex-gf was actually doing a good job on the whole second chance thing. She had completely stopped talking to that guy and was honestly doing her best to try to rebuild my trust. But given she lied to me about what really happened pre-breakup (and considering what she did pre-breakup), I'm not willing to give her a second chance anymore, thus I broke up with her. Honestly, I'm sure that if I forgave/forgot all that happened and just tried to continue the relationship it probably would have turned out alright, but to me, what she did is unforgivable. Personally, I agree, it's definitely a blessing in disguise. No matter how hurt I am, I now know my ex-gf isn't someone I wanted/want to be with and I saved myself from a potential disaster in the future. Edited April 4, 2011 by brutalglide
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