WindyCityGirl Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Me and my ex have been officialy broken up for 3 months. We dated for 5 years. He's loving and caring, but has a hard time with communication. We've hung out at his place several times over the past month. He took me to get a rental car when mine was being repaired and he checks in via text almost every other day. I went out of town last weekend and borrowed some music from him. He was hesistant but eventually asked where I was going. The problem is over the past month we've seen each other on the weekends. He claims that I'm using him. 2 days ago I went to his house and as we were watching TV he says that we can't keep doing this and that this is the last time we should hang out. I didn't respond. I'm not sure if he said that to see my reaction because he didn't bring it up again and made sure I was comfortable and had something to eat. I admit it, I've been selfish and hanging out to get my emotional needs met. My girlfriends say that we're both holding on. I don't know. Is this a good time to start NC since we have moved from the relationship and have created a habitutal pattern of hanging out? Is there hope that we could get back together?
WTRanger Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 So him having a hard time with communication is him telling you that you two should stop doing the "hang out" thing because it's getting too hard for the both of you being that it's close to your breakup? Him checking in with you is bad communication as well? What about you ignoring the question at hand? How's that good communication on your part? Unless you two are getting back together, you should not be in the company of each other. You are ex's, not friends. It's just too soon to be friends and neither of you two are progressing along. Think about it, 3 months of being in neutral. You two are just delaying the coping process of the actual break up. Now is the best time to do mutual NC. You are not using him, at least in a technical sense, because he's agreeing to let you into his place. He's choosing, be it forced or hoping for some ex-sex, but none the less he's playing an active role.
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 In addition to the excellent advice above, I presume he ended the relationship - or was that you?
Author WindyCityGirl Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Thanks for the feedback everyone. The breakup was mutual. Communication began to break down and we both walked away. Or at least we've tried. At his place there are a few of my things exactly where I left them.....toothbrush, hairspray (in drawer). It kinda gives me hope that nobody else is in the picture, not right now anyway. I'm just confused.
betterdeal Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Agree to take a break of a month with no more contact. In that time, you can both do what you want (obviously) but I think it will be a good time to reflect on your own needs and desires, what you liked about the relationship, what you disliked. If in a month you both decide to contact each other, you can go over what you have thought about and see if you can resolve any issues. If not, you can move on a bit easier because you will have broken much of the habitual behaviour. Just an idea.
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