Women, is it true that you don't need to do anything and guys just approach you?

[Ross PK]

My clothes and hair are already fine.

 

Besides, I don't like any other hair styles or any other styles of clothing. They all look really lame to me.

[Kelemort]

I'm probably "average" at best. I've never been asked out randomly. My relationships all began after a period of friendship...that I initiated. I was always the first to strike up the conversation, usually the first to propose going out to lunch or something like that. I asked my current boyfriend to be my boyfriend. So, I'd say it's unlikely that most women "don't have to do anything" to get sex, a date, a boyfriend, etc. I most certainly had to work.

 

Of course, the bitter side of me acknowledges that if I were hotter, I might have guys coming up and asking me out. Or maybe not - maybe they'd be intimidated!

[Ross PK]

I'm probably "average" at best. I've never been asked out randomly. My relationships all began after a period of friendship...that I initiated. I was always the first to strike up the conversation, usually the first to propose going out to lunch or something like that. I asked my current boyfriend to be my boyfriend. So, I'd say it's unlikely that most women "don't have to do anything" to get sex, a date, a boyfriend, etc. I most certainly had to work.

 

Of course, the bitter side of me acknowledges that if I were hotter, I might have guys coming up and asking me out. Or maybe not - maybe they'd be intimidated!

 

Nothing to be bitter about. Average is good. It means you're not ugly and you look just as good as most other women. Plus you've experienced guys being attracted to you and you've had relationships and sex.

[zengirl]

I think the notion that it's "work" depends a great deal on your personality. I've never felt I needed to "work" to get dates (I'd say: relationships are always a bit of work when they get serious, but dates are easy). That doesn't mean every guy I fancy fell all over me or even liked me at all. However, I get asked out a lot, even when in relationships and not attempting to flirt with people at all. Why? I'm friendly, I talk to strangers/make eye contact with people in daily life/look and act approachable, and I'm pretty. I really think that's all it takes. If you're a chatty person, people kind of sense it and chat with you. They just do.

 

It is probably something in the way of carrying one's self (looking open, approachable, making eye contact, smiling at the world so to speak, talking to people freely), and it doesn't feel like work to me, because that's how I am. I suppose this seems to feel like "work" to a lot of people here, in this thread?

 

So, I'd say: No, even if you're beautiful, if a woman puts on blankface or bitchface and goes out in the world, never chats with strangers, doesn't smile, and just looks generally closed off to new people. . . . she probably isn't getting approached (except if she's super-gorgeous and even then only by Alpha Jerk Idiots). It seems like getting approached would depend on a combination of looks and general demeanor. I would think it'd be slightly more likely that a beautiful, friendly woman would be the approachee than a beautiful, friendly man, but that's just because so many women feel they should be approached rather than make the approach (even the beautiful, friendly ones sometimes). Which I think is silly, but it's just life.

[BeginAgain]

I'm pretty. I really think that's all it takes.

Yes, that is all it takes.

[stepka]

I think a lot of it comes down to where people live. I live in a medium sized city in the UK, and the only time I ever get approached in the day to day is by people new to town who looking for directions or drunks/drug addicts/mentally ill people looking for somebody to engage with them.

 

Normal strangers making polite and interested conversation seems more usual in either capital cities or the small, picturesque towns. Anywhere that's popular with tourists.

 

I know exactly what you mean. I've done quite a lot of traveling and I've noticed that certain places were better for meeting people. I'm talking about just meeting people though--not necessarily getting approached for dating, though I think the principle is the same. I took a 3 month trip thru Oz a few years ago, camping all the way, and the only time that people seemed willing to engage in conversation was when we were camped in the largest cities. We met friends in Cairns, Melbourne, and Sydney, and once at an eco village. The rest of the places were too closed--people just wanted to kick back and relax I think. If we had been of a different age group though, the places we met people might have been different. Also, I think when you're out away from home you're likely to be braver about starting conversations b/c if you embarrass yourself, you'll never see them again anyway unless you want to. I've always thought that a great way to get flirt practice would be to go to another city and hang around and flirt outrageously.

[BeginAgain]

I would be very careful about flirting as a woman even if you expect to never see anyone ever again. Uncontrolled flirting could lead to some very bad scenarios with rape not even being the worst.

[dispatch3d]

Yeah, I'm working on improving a lot of stuff. I'm using CBT, and listening to mp3's (some of which are hypnosis ones) like Paul McKenna and Anthony Robbins, etc.

 

you need to foster competence/autonomy/relevance and your self esteem should be good. That's from self-determination theory. There may be other theories out there about self esteem (I am not sure!!).

 

Those three things fit into have solid friendships, make your own damn mind up, and give yourself a pat on the back cuz damn it ur good at shiat.

[allina]

I think it is true. I rarely go out alone without being approached and I'm no model. However, getting attention, even genuine, positive attention isn't the same as finding a loving relationship.

[DreamerGirl27]

For a woman to get male attention, all she needs to do is dress in a way that exposes a lot of flesh, and go to a place where there are men and alcohol. To get the kind of attention she wants, from the kind of man she is interested in, is a bit more complicated.

 

^This, is spot on.

 

and no I'm not english, I just felt like saying "spot on" for some reason.

[Thedude22]

My question is really: Do women like being hit on randomly?

 

I find it really awkward to hit on a girl I don't even know at all. Honestly it should be easier because if she rejects you chances are you'll never even see her again anyway.

 

I guess if I knew girls really enjoyed it regardless of the setting I'd be more prone to do it.

[stepka]

My question is really: Do women like being hit on randomly?

 

I find it really awkward to hit on a girl I don't even know at all. Honestly it should be easier because if she rejects you chances are you'll never even see her again anyway.

 

I guess if I knew girls really enjoyed it regardless of the setting I'd be more prone to do it.

 

Depends on what you mean by "hit on." If you mean a guy trying to pick us up, then no. If you mean a man making pleasant conversation and being friendly and mildly flirty and funny and acting interested but not desperate, then yes, we do like that. Assuming that the man is attractive to us, and you'll never know if you are unless you try. If a woman looks totally stressed out, you should probably not bother her though, unless you can pop off a funny comment and make her laugh--you may just turn her day around.

[zengirl]

My question is really: Do women like being hit on randomly?

 

I find it really awkward to hit on a girl I don't even know at all. Honestly it should be easier because if she rejects you chances are you'll never even see her again anyway.

 

I guess if I knew girls really enjoyed it regardless of the setting I'd be more prone to do it.

 

No. I dislike it.

 

However, I do like talking to people. I have no issues with a man who has a reason to talk to me (besides the fact that I look pretty) or making small talk in an appropriate setting. And sometimes small talk can become bigger talk. It happens. I've made friends while waiting in line before.

 

I don't think men (or women!) should go about afraid to approach people because it might offend them. I also don't think they should go around all predatory, looking to provoke specific reactions or pick people up.

 

The difference between being friendly/gregarious and trying to pick a girl up is intent, particularly intent to control her reaction. In being friendly, there's almost no potential for rejection except in extreme cases, as you're just expressing a general demeanor/approach to life and meeting people and being happy about your day. In trying to pick someone up, you're trying to get a "Yes." From a stranger, that feels. . . predatory to me. And silly. Because he doesn't really know me.

 

Then again, I know some women who DO like it (mostly women who are insecure about their looks, whether beautiful or not, and need the validation). So I suppose it depends.

[bac]

My question is really: Do women like being hit on randomly?

 

 

I guess if I knew girls really enjoyed it regardless of the setting I'd be more prone to do it.

 

Yes, it is often fun. Women like attention. It is more fun to get attention and reject guys than being rejected yourself.

[bac]

What do you mean by working hard? She has to approach men and join dating sites?

 

She has to take an initiative to direct his brain into her. She can not approach and ask him out directly. She needs to spend a lot of time on glances, smiles, small talks, flirting and other activities like that. It takes a while to make him ready to ask her out because quality guys do not ask out every girl easily.

[Thedude22]

No. I dislike it.

 

However, I do like talking to people. I have no issues with a man who has a reason to talk to me (besides the fact that I look pretty) or making small talk in an appropriate setting. And sometimes small talk can become bigger talk. It happens. I've made friends while waiting in line before.

 

I don't think men (or women!) should go about afraid to approach people because it might offend them. I also don't think they should go around all predatory, looking to provoke specific reactions or pick people up.

 

The difference between being friendly/gregarious and trying to pick a girl up is intent, particularly intent to control her reaction. In being friendly, there's almost no potential for rejection except in extreme cases, as you're just expressing a general demeanor/approach to life and meeting people and being happy about your day. In trying to pick someone up, you're trying to get a "Yes." From a stranger, that feels. . . predatory to me. And silly. Because he doesn't really know me.

 

Then again, I know some women who DO like it (mostly women who are insecure about their looks, whether beautiful or not, and need the validation). So I suppose it depends.

 

Well I know I would never try to "pick a girl up" ie. try to get them to sleep with me as soon as I see them. Power to ya if you can accomplish that, but I have to work up enough courage to just say "hey, what's up?" to some girl walking down the street let alone "Hey let's have sex!". My issue with the whole thing is it's so full of BS. I'm just talking to a girl because she's attractive and I want to get to know her, yet I have to pretend like this is something I do with anybody that walks down the street. Plus hitting on girls within a group or in public with people watching just gives me stage fright I guess.

[zebracolors]

You're not alone. It happens to me too. And when they're in another country, you know there's no chances of it working out. Do you think there's a reason why people like us don't have a chemistry with people in the same country as us?

 

It depends on your definition of "chemistry". I think attraction can develop from verbal communication and even seeing them like photos or Skype for examples. But can you really know if there is physical chemistry until you meet them in person?

 

Anyway, I think if one's situation is anything like mine is/was, where all their social interaction is pretty much "online", then the only way they usually meet people is online and most likely, those others are somewhere else like another country.

[BeautifulMan]

Truth is, women just want to get plowed by desperate guys who try their hardest to act alpha and it's usually these guys who are amped off of whiskey and a chocolate protein shake that do this desperate approach.

 

Women approach men with class, like myself but unfortunately many men set off on goals with only one end game.

 

Do what you love, enjoy your hobbies, stay focused and along will come the confidence then the women will come flocking.

[zengirl]

Well I know I would never try to "pick a girl up" ie. try to get them to sleep with me as soon as I see them. Power to ya if you can accomplish that, but I have to work up enough courage to just say "hey, what's up?" to some girl walking down the street let alone "Hey let's have sex!". My issue with the whole thing is it's so full of BS. I'm just talking to a girl because she's attractive and I want to get to know her, yet I have to pretend like this is something I do with anybody that walks down the street. Plus hitting on girls within a group or in public with people watching just gives me stage fright I guess.

 

To me, picking a girl up includes trying to get her to go on a date IF you have attachment to the answer. It's really the attachment to the answer that bothers me (i.e. the guy feeling like he's putting himself out there for rejection) because that's when social interactions begin to get murky and dishonest. And you're right, it is BS, if you go up with that attachment to the outcome/wanting a date, because you don't know the girl or even know if you really want a date with HER --- you just think you do because she's pretty. That's lame.

 

However, continually talking to strangers, cultivating a friendly attitude, meeting those people, and THEN seeing something that engages you and makes you want a date, beyond her pretty face, is way less lame, feels less predatory, and is a horse of a different color. But it seems that people are determined to be unfriendly towards strangers in this day and age, unless they "need" something from them (whether that be a date or something else). Odd way to live.

[bac]

yet I have to pretend like this is something I do with anybody that walks down the street.

 

In fact, it is the major reason for the guys' rejection. As for me, I reject the guys because I believe that they do the same to every girl they meet everywhere they go. Why would I need to deal with the guy who picks up every girl around him on daily basis?

I believe I deserve some respect and I want to feel special and valuable. Most girls think the same way.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

If a girl is majorly unattractive, she won't be approached. Ever.

[somedude81]

 

In fact, it is the major reason for the guys' rejection. As for me, I reject the guys because I believe that they do the same to every girl they meet everywhere they go. Why would I need to deal with the guy who picks up every girl around him on daily basis?

I believe I deserve some respect and I want to feel special and valuable. Most girls think the same way.

That's the reason why I don't ask out random girls.

 

I simply can't see why a girl would say yes to a date from a guy she just met.

 

I much prefer to build a little rapport first over a couple of days then ask her out.

 

One thing I'm really curious is to find out how often the average girl gets asked out in college or other social environments. I may need to make a thread about that.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

If a guy is desperate, and every girl rejects him because he asked out all the other girls, what girl WILL accept him?

 

This is flawed logic, bac.

[Andy_K]

you don't know the girl or even know if you really want a date with HER --- you just think you do because she's pretty. That's lame.

 

But that's the whole point. If I'm single, I pretty much DO want to go on a date with her just because she's pretty. Because that's how I'll figure out what she's really like, and whether she's what I'm looking for. I can't possibly expect to find out that sort of information in a casual 2 minute conversation. Unless she tells me she's a single mum of four kids from five different dads, or has a penchant for microwaving kittens, I'm highly unlikely to find out anything which would prevent us being compatible.

 

As for the intent of the majority of guys on this planet, I'm sure nobody needs to be told that attractive girls will find a lot more men start up 'casual, friendly conversation' with them than unattractive girls. Lets not pretend they're mostly just 'being friendly'.

[Kamille]

But that's the whole point. If I'm single, I pretty much DO want to go on a date with her just because she's pretty. Because that's how I'll figure out what she's really like, and whether she's what I'm looking for. I can't possibly expect to find out that sort of information in a casual 2 minute conversation. Unless she tells me she's a single mum of four kids from five different dads, or has a penchant for microwaving kittens, I'm highly unlikely to find out anything which would prevent us being compatible.

 

As for the intent of the majority of guys on this planet, I'm sure nobody needs to be told that attractive girls will find a lot more men start up 'casual, friendly conversation' with them than unattractive girls. Lets not pretend they're mostly just 'being friendly'.

 

Bull****.

 

It takes the average human less than two minutes to form a judgement on someone else's personality. Sure, that snap judgement might be wrong, but it's a useful mechanism that helps us quickly identify friends or foe. If you're in tune with yourself and aren't suffering from too many cognitive distortions, those judgements will usually prove to be right. We have this ability because it's vital to our survival.

 

And please note, that snap judgement isn't considered to be based solely on looks. We base it on interactional styles, demeanors and subtile body language.

 

If you're incapable of seeing beyond of a woman's beauty, then you're saying that when it comes to women, you don't trust your own judgement. You're letting your sexual instincts over-ride your social ones. That, or you've already decided you don't care about her personality, so long as you get to get laid.