Women, is it true that you don't need to do anything and guys just approach you?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Expanding on what Tara said, when I was in Honolulu for work - I got chatted up way more than I do in my city.

[BeginAgain]

Still you can try again. All you need is one, right?

Yes, Ahab go catch your white whale.

 

Marly, that's a hell of a lot of exclusions.

Marly is a very exclusive establishment catering only to the most posh, discerning individuals. This is most apparent with the plushness of the velvet rope. Barring entrance to all matter of scum and lowlife, not even they would sully the exquisite velvet rope with their touch.

 

Of course, I get approached more in a bar/club type setting. But even then I would have nights where I would just dance with friends and we won't get approached by anyone.

Never ever do that. Never huddle together with your friends at a club/bar/etc. You might be doing it since it feels more comfortable and secure or at least you are guaranteed a fun night if you stay with friends whether the guys show or not, but all you are doing is making yourselves unapproachable. Only a man with reckless abandon would go after a goose within a gaggle. Clumping together like that is also a very common way girls use to have fun at another's expense so the hesitation is justified.

 

Ross, it's gotten so bad for me that even though I'm married with a baby, guys try to break into my home to ask me out.

 

Sucks to be a woman.

So you came to the loveshack because no one expects any love to be had here.

[Ross PK]

No, it's not true. It's never been true for me and I'm not below average in looks.

 

With no encouragement whatsoever, the only men who approach cold (no previous intro, no mutual friends, no exchange of glances, no work or school connection) are jerks.

 

I saw a study recently that said before a man approached a woman in a bar an average of 19 exchanges took place (looks, hair flipping, posturing, smiles, etc...)

 

It may be subtle or maybe even unconscious, but mostly there's a dialogue before the first word is ever spoken.

 

I was thinking more like do women not have to do anything when they do have male and female friends, they socialise, have a job, and they sometimes go on nights out.

[orangelady]

Ross, it's gotten so bad for me that even though I'm married with a baby, guys try to break into my home to ask me out.

 

Sucks to be a woman.

 

Oh that must be such a trial for you.

[orangelady]

I really do wonder how often the average girl gets asked out or get told by guys that they like her.

 

And no, I'm not really interested in the bar or club data as that isn't the real world.

 

None. Only pretty ones get a lot of guys going after them by trying to get their contact through their friends. Guys are always asking me for my friend's numbers coz she's pretty. And sometimes I will help but usually my friends already have a boyfriend.

[Ross PK]

Hi Ross.

 

A woman can get a ONS but only with not so looking guys and maybe with janitors, older men who are not successful. But an average or below average women might can't get an ONS with a good looking, successful guy. Why would he need HER? He's got other models and hot chicks lined up for him.

 

 

Now, that would be for ONS.

 

 

As for dates, we have to work VERY hard. Too much competition for us ladies.

 

Lol @ the janitor comment.

 

I don't think any guy has models and hot chicks lined up for them, even average chick, unless they're some giant rock/pop star.

 

I think really succesful guys (not rock/pop star successful with women) would still have a ONS with an average women because they're still not going to have chicks lined up for them, and it could at the very least be around a week before they end up having their next ONS.

[orangelady]

I was thinking more like do women not have to do anything when they do have male and female friends, they socialise, have a job, and they sometimes go on nights out.

 

You're delusional. Even though I have had jobs, most of the people in my company are women. I don't have many male friends OR female friend and my social life is pretty dead at the moment.

[orangelady]

Lol @ the janitor comment.

 

I don't think any guy has models and hot chicks lined up for them, even average chick, unless they're some giant rock/pop star.

 

I think really succesful guys (not rock/pop star successful with women) would still have a ONS with an average women because they're still not going to have chicks lined up for them, and it could at the very least be around a week before they end up having their next ONS.

 

You didn't answer my other question about meeting someone with chemistry in our own country.

[Ross PK]

You're delusional. Even though I have had jobs, most of the people in my company are women. I don't have many male friends OR female friend and my social life is pretty dead at the moment.

 

I never said every woman get men falling in their lap as long as they socialise, have friends, occasionaly go on nights out, and have a job.

 

That's why I've made this topic asking if they still have to be proactive.

[Ross PK]

You didn't answer my other question about meeting someone with chemistry in our own country.

 

Where's the question?

[Ross PK]

She's being sarcastic, you stupid bitch.

 

Was there really any need for that?

[Ross PK]

Yes, just like yo udecided to put up this boring thread.

 

Lol. *shakes head*

[Ross PK]

Yes, just like yo udecided to put up this boring thread.

 

I'm just wondering why you've bothered to make an account to just troll and flame people in such an obvious way on here? Surely you know you're not going to last long at all?

[BeginAgain]

Typically among the young, girls don't have to work to get the guys to approach unless they are below average or standoffish. They don't even have to make themselves presentable. Guys will just approach anyways. Everyone else outside of those girls has to put some work into a first contact.

[orangelady]

Lol. *shakes head*

 

LOL. *shakes her head too*

[orangelady]

Yes, just like yo udecided to put up this boring thread.

 

Nah, I think Ross is one of the most tolerant, considerate and interesting members on this forum.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Nah, I think Ross is one of the most tolerant, considerate and interesting members on this forum.

 

You two should hook up

[BeginAgain]

You two should hook up

or

 

1.) orangelady has trouble getting a SO

2.) she meets a lot of available women through the groups she joins

 

PROBLEM SOLVED

[Kamille]

If I understand correctly, you have two questions. The thread title, which can include cold approaches and then the one about: can you just go about your everyday life and meet someone?

 

I was originally going to answer (to the thread title): I think that, just like there are men out there who struggle, there are women out there who struggle. You and I both know, also, that there are men and women for whom dating comes easy.

 

The second question and the answers it got made me think though. I have met all my bfs through my own social networks (with the exception of current - and even then, it turned out we were in the same extended networks).

 

But I had to work a lot on myself to not be just the "friend" in those networks. I used to be the girl who had lots of guy friends, but none who were specifically interested in me. I've come to realize, with hindsight, that this was because I had low self-esteem and was more likely to play it safely in the friendzone, rather then be playful and get guys to ask me how. I've changed my tune and, lo and behold, back when I was last single, I was considered a "hottie" in my network, even though I'm average in looks at best.

 

All that to say: attitude goes a long way. I know it sucks to hear it when you're feeling down and feeling like you were given a raw deal. I know it sucks to hear this when you think changing yourself is lots of work with potentially little reward. And yes, I know the typical answer you guys give to this line of thought is that generally, your self-esteem was good until you encountered lots of rejection on the dating scene (but, hey, maybe you encountered lots of rejection because you, like me, didn't know how to go about flirting the right way). But in the end, if you work on improving your self-esteem, you might not land a girl, but you'll have a better self-esteem!

[Ross PK]

Nah, I think Ross is one of the most tolerant, considerate and interesting members on this forum.

 

Thanks. I appreciate it.

[Ross PK]

If I understand correctly, you have two questions. The thread title, which can include cold approaches and then the one about: can you just go about your everyday life and meet someone?

 

I was originally going to answer (to the thread title): I think that, just like there are men out there who struggle, there are women out there who struggle. You and I both know, also, that there are men and women for whom dating comes easy.

 

The second question and the answers it got made me think though. I have met all my bfs through my own social networks (with the exception of current - and even then, it turned out we were in the same extended networks).

 

But I had to work a lot on myself to not be just the "friend" in those networks. I used to be the girl who had lots of guy friends, but none who were specifically interested in me. I've come to realize, with hindsight, that this was because I had low self-esteem and was more likely to play it safely in the friendzone, rather then be playful and get guys to ask me how. I've changed my tune and, lo and behold, back when I was last single, I was considered a "hottie" in my network, even though I'm average in looks at best.

 

All that to say: attitude goes a long way. I know it sucks to hear it when you're feeling down and feeling like you were given a raw deal. I know it sucks to hear this when you think changing yourself is lots of work with potentially little reward. And yes, I know the typical answer you guys give to this line of thought is that generally, your self-esteem was good until you encountered lots of rejection on the dating scene (but, hey, maybe you encountered lots of rejection because you, like me, didn't know how to go about flirting the right way). But in the end, if you work on improving your self-esteem, you might not land a girl, but you'll have a better self-esteem!

 

Yeah, I'm working on improving a lot of stuff. I'm using CBT, and listening to mp3's (some of which are hypnosis ones) like Paul McKenna and Anthony Robbins, etc.

[orangelady]

You two should hook up

 

Ross has too many girls smiling and making eye contact with him .... and calling him petnames.

[BeginAgain]

Ross has too many girls smiling and making eye contact with him .... and calling him petnames.

Yeah he is a loveshack graduate. He no longer needs our fine tutelage. See you later Ross. Good Luck in your future endeavors.

[orangelady]

Yeah he is a loveshack graduate. He no longer needs our fine tutelage. See you later Ross. Good Luck in your future endeavors.

 

Indeed.

 

BeginAgain, where are you going? Don't leave us.

[SteveC80]

Yeah, I'm working on improving a lot of stuff. I'm using CBT, and listening to mp3's (some of which are hypnosis ones) like Paul McKenna and Anthony Robbins, etc.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6RZVUFDOuI

 

This is the truth,you need to consult people around you on how to dress groom change hairstyles etc how you look is a huge part of the mating process

 

All this self esteem love yourself and youll automatically become attractive stuff is all nice and sweet but its bs,yeah thats part of it but if somebody doesnt like how you look then you have no shot reagardless of how much you are confident or love yourself