Logik Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 17 months now since she left me. D over a year ago. Thought I was making good progress until I found out about OM months ago. Started getting better again until I have to see him at my chrildren's birthday parties. Got bitter again. Saw them yesterday at my daughter's 4th birthday party. Been resenting her the whole weekend. Then she picks the kids up now. I see her and I still feel the same as on our wedding day. All the bitterness goes. I go back inside feeling like I layed eyes on her for the first time. Excited. Exhilarated. This is not good. What can I do? I thought by now I'd be over her. Obviously I'm not.
tojaz Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Do nothing Logik. The one bit of advice that most of us have the hardest time with is that we need to just let ourselves feel what we feel, rather then getting wrapped up in where we "should" be in the recovery process. Im a full 2 years the other side of divorce now. Battered and bruised. Licked my wounds, started dating, restarted my life and really am not all that unhappy with it even though it is miles away from where I thought, planned and would have liked to be. Yet, I can admit I still hold love for my ex despite all the damage done, all the ugly things that have been said and terrible experience I have shared here, and a lot that i havent. Having that love for her and moving on with your life alone are far from exclusive. In fact things make a lot more sense once i believed that they could coexist. If you really ever loved them, you never get over them, but eventually you give yourself permission to move forward and life marches on. TOJAZ
trippi1432 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) If you really ever loved them, you never get over them, but eventually you give yourself permission to move forward and life marches on. TOJAZ I would have to agree here..as hard as it may seem Logik, with that much time invested..it may be time to push on. Good post Tojaz. Edited April 4, 2011 by trippi1432
Author Logik Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Do nothing Logik. The one bit of advice that most of us have the hardest time with is that we need to just let ourselves feel what we feel, rather then getting wrapped up in where we "should" be in the recovery process. Im a full 2 years the other side of divorce now. Battered and bruised. Licked my wounds, started dating, restarted my life and really am not all that unhappy with it even though it is miles away from where I thought, planned and would have liked to be. Yet, I can admit I still hold love for my ex despite all the damage done, all the ugly things that have been said and terrible experience I have shared here, and a lot that i havent. Having that love for her and moving on with your life alone are far from exclusive. In fact things make a lot more sense once i believed that they could coexist. If you really ever loved them, you never get over them, but eventually you give yourself permission to move forward and life marches on. TOJAZ Thanks for the reply Tojaz. I thought as much, the fact that you never really get over them. I'm not really an emotional person, as my handle suggests, so when the emotions come out I don't know how to deal with them. You're right. Trying to force feelings in order to be where you thought you would be is counter-productive. I also keep closing myself to the idea of dating properly because I think I'm protecting myself from a possible repeat of history. I also think I'm holding onto the memory of her, which is prolonging the pain. Time to let go and move on.
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Steadfast Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 You're right. Trying to force feelings in order to be where you thought you would be is counter-productive...I also think I'm holding onto the memory of her, which is prolonging the pain. Time to let go and move on. Great idea, as long as you realize what you're letting go of. In your case I think, it's coming to grips with the fact that she is gone and now with someone else. That's good. Having to see her with someone else? Not so good. Thinking you're not going to 'feel it' anymore is not only unrealistic, it probably goes against what your heart is telling your head. We can suffer when that happens, instead of just letting the those two work it out. In time, they will, but the heart loves who it loves. Great post Tojaz!
marqueemoon4 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 unrequited love sucks, no way around it. somehow you just have to take her off the pedestal and remember all the things you didn't like about her.
tojaz Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks for the reply Tojaz. I thought as much, the fact that you never really get over them. I'm not really an emotional person, as my handle suggests, so when the emotions come out I don't know how to deal with them. You're right. Trying to force feelings in order to be where you thought you would be is counter-productive. I also keep closing myself to the idea of dating properly because I think I'm protecting myself from a possible repeat of history. I also think I'm holding onto the memory of her, which is prolonging the pain. Time to let go and move on. Theres no set schedule man, its time when its time. Its not a switch you can just shut off, thats what makes emotion a royal pain in the arse. Trying to force feelings to let go can be just as damaging or even more then trying to keep it alive. There are no trail markers, no road maps and no instruction manuals for what your going through, you just have to do what you can handle as it comes and some times thats going to be 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. Theres nothing wrong with that. Of course your holding on to the memory of her man, shes been the most important adult in your life for awhile now. Once again, nothing wrong with that, as a matter of fact I think its a good thing. I see so many people so quick to take a match to the memories thinking it will set them free, it doesn't work that way. Those memories shaped your life and i for one try very hard to keep all the memories of the important people in my life alive and well, regardless of what the final chapter turned out to be. Don't even try and make sense of it. You cant apply Logik to emotion..... there is none! TOJAZ
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