robdrm32 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 So i've been seeing this girl who is a bit younger than me, i'm 25, she's 18. I am having trouble getting past her being so shy and awkward, we have decent talks but I find it hard to joke with her sometimes and when we kiss its like a short little peck and thats it. Like there is no emotion. Certain things tell me she is very into me, like texting me all the time, always asking me to meet her friends/family (she talks about me all the time to them) which i have. But when we are alone and i try to show affection it's almost as if she can't be bothered with it. I don't know if it's because she is too nervous or what. I think she has a good heart and she is very calm and that's alot of what I like about her because i can't stand attention whores but I don't know how to get past her being so awkward without calling her out on it. It sucks because last night we went to the movies and I really didn't have a good time, I just kept thinking "why do i bother?" I'm nice to her, compliment her, tease her, try to flirt. I'm a good looking guy, friendly and I know i'm not coming on too strong we've been talking for months now. Is the only way around this for me to have a difficult conversation with her? because i've noticed she only says the sweet and intimate things through texts, never face to face. So maybe she is really just THAT awkward?
Hules Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 To all of your concerns yes to all of the above. Shy girls are shy which means the following: They are going to be awkward They are going to have a hard time talking to you (especially giving you compliments in person). With my ex she was super shy at saying sweet intimate things when we first started dating especially in person! The best she could do was write a letter for me with how she felt and gave that to me and was blushing like crazy (I thought it was quite possibly the sweetest, cutest thing ever. Was one of the reasons I liked her so much ) They are going to take a long time opening up to you. If they don't trust you they never will. If your endgame is just to get into this girls pants your wasting your time, because you could be in for a long wait. If you call her out on been shy, she will resent you often they are very unhappy about their shyness if you make her feel bad about it she will withdraw. What might be a short peck to you is massive to her. She is probably nervous as hell been alone with you. If you can't handle taking things slow dating with a shy girl is not for you.
Author robdrm32 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 i'm not just trying to get in her pants, i dont mind waiting for sex its more just feeling wanted. maybe i'm being a little needy but at the same time in my experience when a girl wants me she will show me non-verbally with touching, kissing etc. I dont get that and it makes me feel un-wanted so it turns me off to a point.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 i'm not just trying to get in her pants, i dont mind waiting for sex its more just feeling wanted. maybe i'm being a little needy but at the same time in my experience when a girl wants me she will show me non-verbally with touching, kissing etc. I dont get that and it makes me feel un-wanted so it turns me off to a point. It's because you're dating a girl fresh out of high school. She's barely seen most of the world ( just entering college) and you're a grown man half way between the party scene and starting a family/ career in the future. The problem here isn't that she's shy it's the fact that you expect her to act like a woman.
Hules Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 It's because you're dating a girl fresh out of high school. She's barely seen most of the world ( just entering college) and you're a grown man half way between the party scene and starting a family/ career in the future. The problem here isn't that she's shy it's the fact that you expect her to act like a woman. There is that as well, I try not to judge people on that but yeah I would not date a girl 7 years younger than me for that exact reason. Thats just me though.
elaina Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Is the only way around this for me to have a difficult conversation with her? because i've noticed she only says the sweet and intimate things through texts, never face to face. So maybe she is really just THAT awkward? I'm shy until I get to know someone well, then I open up and I'm quite silly. About you and this shy girl, there are different things that could be going on. 1. She could be afraid to be herself around you... insecure, afraid you won't like her, nervous because she likes you and cares a lot that you like her too. Sometimes liking someone an awful lot causes some people difficulty in behaving normally and talking normally with a person. They get struck speechless... and maybe she has "stage fright" of you... I am like this with dancing. I like dancing just for fun, but if a guy I like is watching me, I get all flustered and can't think straight, so this is something that I need to work on overcoming, and maybe she has to work on overcoming getting flustered around you? 2. Your personalities could simply just not jive together, even though you really like each other. I have had this experience before, that the man I loved and I just had incompatible personalities, though most everything else was awesome and sex was phenomenal. So, it is possible that people's personalities could just not naturally mesh wonderfully. This is a concern and I would recommend keeping a look out for this, but you don't want to break her heart or her break your heart, but at the same time, it is really hard to be in a relationship when the two people involved are incompatible. 3. She is naturally quiet and is naturally like this. This is possible too. Just like there are men who don't tend to talk all that much, so there are some women who don't tend to talk all that much or get exuberant or whatever. That is again something to watch out for and if it's fine with you to be with a woman who is naturally quiet and very calm, that's great, but if you want to be with a woman who's not, then you need to let her go. Hopefully there are men who have no problem with a quiet woman.
Hules Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 1. She could be afraid to be herself around you... insecure, afraid you won't like her, nervous because she likes you and cares a lot that you like her too. Sometimes liking someone an awful lot causes some people difficulty in behaving normally and talking normally with a person. They get struck speechless... and maybe she has "stage fright" of you... I am like this with dancing. I like dancing just for fun, but if a guy I like is watching me, I get all flustered and can't think straight, so this is something that I need to work on overcoming, and maybe she has to work on overcoming getting flustered around you? Cute lol sorry couldn't help myself sorry for derailing the thread
Author robdrm32 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 It's because you're dating a girl fresh out of high school. She's barely seen most of the world ( just entering college) and you're a grown man half way between the party scene and starting a family/ career in the future. The problem here isn't that she's shy it's the fact that you expect her to act like a woman. Well i've been out of the party scene for a while but I wouldn't say i'm expecting her to act like a woman. I worked at a deli with a bunch of girls all around her age and none of them had the same traits, they all flirted with me had no problems talking to me etc. so i'd say it is her personality. I think i see that she has a good heart and thats so hard to find so i don't want to write her off, but the awkwardness is getting in the way.
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