madkidddx Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 So basically, last night at a party me and this guy friend of mine kissed....and he has a girlfriend of 3 years. I feel absolutely awful. I'm very confused right now, as to what I should think. It sort of just happened, and in the moment, I knew what I was doing was wrong but it felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening. We were with a bunch of friends, but we distanced ourselves from the group for most of the night and we started holding hands and gradually getting more touchy feely and when we were completely alone we made out. I had had a bit to drink so I was slightly tipsy, but he claimed to be okay. We promised each other that we wouldn't tell anyone, and I haven't spoken to him since. We have classes together, so it's going to be incredibly awkward. I feel like a horrible person especially since I really thought him and his girlfriend were happy, until he told me last night he has been thinking about ending it. I don't know why he let this happen...he's really not the "bad" type of guy. We're pretty good friends and I guess I had felt a slight attraction before but ignored it, obviously since he is in a long term relationship with this girl. I don't know what to do at this point, especially since I can't talk to any of my best friends about this because they would freak out. Especially since one of them is good friends with his girlfriend, and it would be absolutely terrible. I would lose everyone's respect and so would he. Also this other friend of ours made a comment after seeing us spend time alone together, and I'm scared she was slightly suspicious. Anyways, if anyone has been in this situation or has some insight or advice, it would be great! By the way, I'm 18 years old if that helps. Thank you!
Carrot2000 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I don't think there is anything for you to actually do at this point. You had a lapse in judgment (no doubt because of the alcohol); just don't do it again. Are you at all interested in this guy?
Yellowbug Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 So basically, last night at a party me and this guy friend of mine kissed....and he has a girlfriend of 3 years. I feel absolutely awful. I'm very confused right now, as to what I should think. It sort of just happened, and in the moment, I knew what I was doing was wrong but it felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening. We were with a bunch of friends, but we distanced ourselves from the group for most of the night and we started holding hands and gradually getting more touchy feely and when we were completely alone we made out. I had had a bit to drink so I was slightly tipsy, but he claimed to be okay. We promised each other that we wouldn't tell anyone, and I haven't spoken to him since. We have classes together, so it's going to be incredibly awkward. I feel like a horrible person especially since I really thought him and his girlfriend were happy, until he told me last night he has been thinking about ending it. I don't know why he let this happen...he's really not the "bad" type of guy. We're pretty good friends and I guess I had felt a slight attraction before but ignored it, obviously since he is in a long term relationship with this girl. I don't know what to do at this point, especially since I can't talk to any of my best friends about this because they would freak out. Especially since one of them is good friends with his girlfriend, and it would be absolutely terrible. I would lose everyone's respect and so would he. Also this other friend of ours made a comment after seeing us spend time alone together, and I'm scared she was slightly suspicious. Anyways, if anyone has been in this situation or has some insight or advice, it would be great! By the way, I'm 18 years old if that helps. Thank you! I'm going through the same thing, but my situation is a lot more severe . . . I slept with my ex and he has a GF. Not good, and it is good that we realize that what we did is wrong. Do not do it again. Do not say anything and just let it be. You must deal with it on your own, and just be patient for the next steps. If he leaves his GF, then you guys can talk, but until then . . . Lay low, be cordial to him and her, and don't act guilty . . . It was a kiss . . . Also, you can't take all the blame . . . It took 2, so assume responsibility for your action . . . Not his.
Flabbergaster Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Ok, an older man (mid 30s...which you probably think is one foot in the grave...ah to be young again) with some male perspective here. You're 18. At your age you know that men think differently then women but (no offense) you are years from beginning to really understand that. I'm going to tell you why i did stuff like that when I was around 18, which is the same reason men at that age sometimes do stuff like this. Guys (esp in their teens) want to kiss pretty girls. Period. They'd like to sleep with them as well of course. The fact that he has a gf doesn't mean he doesn't want to kiss you. It just means he knows he probably shouldn't, esp if he's going to get caught. He was drunk enough to be willing to 'go for it' and kiss a pretty girl. He kept telling you that he was ok, because he knew you were more drunk than he was and if you thought he was drunk you'd say "we should go back to the others." His best chance to kiss you was if you thought he was sober. he was hunting, you were his prey. I have been there, done that; this is what was in his mind. With less alcohol..maybe he would have shown some restraint. At 18...maybe not. If he's been dating her for 3 years...that's a long time, for HS! MOST guys that have dated this long in HS...are either 'ready to leave and meet a new girl,' or kissing girls here and there on the side (maybe more). To an 18 yr old guy, kissing a girl on the side after a few drinks isn't such a bad thing; it's often a 'male ego victory' thing. So what should you do? First, stop feeling guilty. He was the one that kissed you; you were too drunk to be able to focus on objecting. It's ok to enjoy the kissing, it's ok to have wanted to be kissed. you're not a bad person for this, ok? If you were I'd tell you. Now, i want you to respect yourself (and the other girl). Don't drink alone with him, while he's still dating her. Since you're good friends with him...consider a direct confrontation. Tell him you enjoyed kissing him, it was fun, it's not going to happen again because he's dating someone and you will not be something on the side for him. Keep being friends, just avoid situations that would put you alone with him. If he says he'll leave her for you, tell him "i'm not asking you to leave anyone, I'm telling you that I'm not fooling around with a guy that isn't single. This is about me, not about you." If he does leave her...you can decide whether you want him or not, then. If he comes to you and says he just did it, tell him you need a few days to think before you go out with him. This is out of respect for her. If the girl finds out, your story is that you were drunk and very embarrassed, that you told him it wasn't going to happen again because you won't stab a girl in the back, like that.
Author madkidddx Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Thank you lots for your reply! Male insight definitely helps. I didn't really consider the possibility that it was something common for him... as in, that he kisses girls on the side regularly. I still doubt it but you just never know...I never saw him as that guy. In my mind (and everyone else's) he's the sweet, caring, long term boyfriend who loves his girlfriend to death, won't go near any other girls and respects the fact that his girlfriend does not want to have sex - actually I think that might have played a role in how he is thinking about ending it, well at least that's what he let on. I sat next to him in one class today as I usually do, and he acted completely normal, he acted like nothing had happened and talked about the night in general when other people were around, which is the best way to go about it I guess. I must admit I found it hard to ignore the night's other events, and not talk to him about it or something, but I didn't. People were suspicious again, and asked questions like, "Why were you guys gone together for so long?"... I guess the thing I'm finding the hardest is having to keep a dirty little secret, and knowing this side of him that probably no one else does (at least I presume), as well as the guilt I feel when I see him with his girlfriend. But I'm just going to give it some time now, and it'll be like it never happened. Anyways, sorry for rambling, just felt like I could let it out by writing about it some more, or something. It helps! Thanks again!
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