The Story bout my LDR

[Torpedo]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm gonna start saying that I have a problem and I'm possibly a prick, so with that being said let me tell this story (Going to try and be imparcial in my sayings, but i'll probably fail).

 

I met my girlfriend and started dating in the summer of 09, everything was going great, we started to know each other more and more. I like her instantly, she was intelligent, funny, she liked to play games (which was a good thing for a LDR), and living 450 km's away from me (by then was "Ok fine, i'll travel no big problem").

 

About her, at that time she was going to uni. and starting her own independent life, had everything going out for her, going to look for a job and having a place to be already, and when she let go of this details I thought to myself, ok, independant woman who knows what she wants. She encouraged me to go beyond my skills, to do better and to accheive higher in life.

 

About me, at that time I was finishing cooking school, and after that i really didn't know what to do, I'm not a person who gives up easily and people need to go through great lengths to drive me nuts.

 

Everything was going good for the first couple of months, we would laugh, play, have our fair share of romance humanly possible at 450 km's but after those "honeymoon-phase" months things got weirder and weirder.

 

At one time, she called me late at night, and she was sick, she was at her place near campus and I told her to call 911 or call someone to be with her because I really couldn't go there at the time, since i had to wake up extremely early the next day and there wouldn't be any transportation at the time she called me. So I was there on the phone without having anyone else to call to, to help her, and so I tried to help her out as much as possible. She started saying to me the symptoms and I got to the conclusion that she had food poisoning, but she wouldn't listen to me and started eating chocolate saying she was feeling better, and after some time she hang up. She calls the next day, and tells me that she went to the hospital and her dad picked her up. "Ok" I said, crysis adverted, and we went to our normal thing.

 

Some days later, I started asking her when was she going to back to her university, restarting taking classes and such, and she never got me a straight answer, "In a couple of days" was the most common thing i heard. At that time, she pushed me to take the exams to join in a university myself since i'm crazy 'bout psychology, and I actually got in. So she also changed the conversation to me, and this started to make me ponder why?

 

I started going to her place, and meet her parents since she always stayed at home, I got worried that something might've happened to her and she couldn't attend uni so I went there, and what I found out was, that her parents prohibited her for leaving her parents house. I felt kinda awkward knowing this and still she was a med student and she said she was still taking classes but at home, but what makes it worse is that she was also prohibited to go to my place and meet my folks (this was bout 1 year since the beginning, 6 months after the food poisoning incident) which was something I really had in mind. I also starting knowing something that she failed to mention, she said at the time she was a bit fragile in the health department but she is constantly sick and that most of what she said about her family is just (in my view) a weird reality. Her parents always argue and she sometimes gets the ugly part of the discussion, her brothers mistreat her and she doesn't have anyone to talk to (except some people I'll delve into later on)

 

Oh a thing I forgot to add, since 2 months after the beginning of the relationship, at that time of the month, she always gets extremely pissed at me, and says im crap and stuff like that and that she wants to break up with me, so to later on she says she doesn't want to break up with me and its because of her hormones :S

 

Sometime later, we started having discussions, she started being extremely jealous of my female friends and that made me stop seeing them so often and to the point that I really couldn't talk to them at all without starting to have a serious backlash from her, and while this was happening she sometimes (rarely) was going out with her friends, and later on male friends who seem rather suspicious. So when she told me that she had gone out for lunch with them, i asked her how it went out, and she told me that sometimes her male friend bought her flowers, never let he pay her lunch and so on, and I started to get suspicious, until later on he told her that he needed to stop seeing her because he was falling for her. I was extremely jealous and extremely angry at her, because she didn't listen to me when I warned her about this kind of situation.

 

After that male friend episode happened, this went downhill, her parents prohibited me for going there for 6-7 months, and we got into a routine its not even funny. She started to be more curious about my previous relationships, to the point where I'm feeling like I'm being interrogated for murder, she's always quiet and she doesn't talk and I have to be the one trying to find new ways to talk to her, and in the past month I started to get fatigued about the relationship.

 

I know she won't be near me any time soon (8+ years), due to her parents, and she started acting like a child, something I really can't stand and get utterly pissed at her for being like that, so we argue a lot now mainly me starting (told i'm a total ass) because she can always step on my toes asking me weird questions or talking about marriage (which is funny and ill tell you later why) . She is always with her "I told you so" talk and worse of all I have to do what she wants, she doesn't want to watch a film I want, it has to be her film, and in other things as well. My time is very limited and I have to spend all my free time talking to her, because if not, she says I don't like her any more. She gets immensely insecure about me, because most of my friends are female and she's always waiting for "The Break-up Call".

 

That's not all, there is a lot more, too much to write here, I think i could make a book about this relationship, I feel like a total prick, because most of the arguments we have are my fault, because I don't have the patience I had before to listen to her childish talk and questions like "whats a cougar? and its infinite why's questions", and I stopped doing what I used to do to vent which was, going out with friends, relax at home and so on. The marriage conversation is the one which really gets to me, since she doesn't have the necessary requirements (lets say it like that) to talk to me about it, but she asked me to marry her, and I said if she was joking or not, and she wasn't. I love much, and most of her conversations would make men run for the hills if your not patient enough to listen to her, but she wasn't like that

 

I don't know what to think anymore, probably as your reading this it must be confusing, its kinda late here, so it must be confusing, I just needed to vent about it and maybe to find a solution. I don't want to go back to her place knowing that if i do it she will think everything is ok and that everything will go into place again (me going there, she won't be comming here and we can keep going). So any help around here? :S

Edited April 3, 2011 by Torpedo

[folieadeux]

First off, you're not a prick, you're in a relationship with someone that just isn't working out. Everything was going great in the beginning (as it quite often does in most relationships) and now you've had time to see each other for who you really are and it seems to me that you're very imcompatible. Some of this I can attribute to the distance and some of it, like her health problems, is no one's fault. But some of this stuff is just downright disfunctional. I'm not sure how old the pair of you are, but her parents forbidding her to leave the house borders on abuse. If she's in Uni, I'm gonna go ahead and assume she's over 18. She's an adult and needs to get out of that situation for herself. I'm also confused by how you initially described her as independent. Her living at home and being locked in the house hardly qualifies as such.

 

With that being said, you dropping important things out of your life like friends and doing things for yourself in your own day to day life isn't good either. Relationships are supposed to be fun and add something positive to your life. This whole situation is an unhealthy mess you really need to get out of. From what you've posted, I really have no clue why you've stuck it out this long because you've never said once why you're still dealing with this, which speaks volumes on its own.

[Torpedo]

Thank you for your reply, after some sleep and some work to wake me up I can now answer some of the things that I didn't make sense.

 

She 21 and im 25, and when we started out this relationship she had her own place near campus (by this i mean she was there on her own), which was being payed by her parents until she either got a job or finish uni. After she got sick with food poisoning, she went to her parents house to heal up but something happened at her home and she got "stuck" at home, but it ain't just her.

 

Her brother, is in the same situation and he's 24, the difference is that he goes to uni (takes the train waaaay early) and comes back the same day. Anyway, her house in campus has been rented away by another person according to her, but her stuff is with her landlord (very friendly woman).

 

But there was also something I didn't let out which was the main catalyst for my actual "rage" in the arguements, she kinda blackmail's me saying that if I break up with her to be with another person I'm the one who is going to lose, and she always says that all her male friends say that she is the most beautiful girl around which makes me extremely jealous and ... well angry. Even her (i think only real female) friend says why do I take this crap up. I can't believe i let this things slide yesterday...

 

But the main reason is, I freaking love her, and I knew the answer when i logged in now because this is like my third opinion. I think im trying to find someone that tells me to endure or anything, I don't know. I'm hopeless :S and this story is novel worthy imo, but i never knew i would be the main character

[folieadeux]

I'm sorry you didn't get the answer you were looking for, but I don't believe in sugarcoating things. Anyone who tells you to endure this doesn't have your best interest in mind.

 

And any person (regardless of gender) that tells you you'll be the one missing out if you break up with them has some serious issues. Sure it'll hurt, but you deserve alot better and hopefully you'll see that.

[Torpedo]

Thanks for the quick reply, I think it's time, alot of people can't be wrong. This just sealed the deal, now i need to know how to do such a thing :S

[folieadeux]

Just be honest and get it over and done with. From what you've posted, she most likely sounds like the type to turn this all around on you...so I'd suggest going NC as well.