jlola Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Please read!!! Does anyone see the parallels of "The art of seduction" which is about how to psychologically manipulte someone to fall madly in love with you to the point of obsession and affairs? The author Robert Greene says you cannot use all the rules as they will only confuse. But yoy can use many of the rules as i think people having affairs do subconsciously use these "seduction rules" without trying. Unhappy,start off as friends,Isolate others from their world,fantasize,triangulate,push-pull,uncertainty,obsession. Ultimately, the by the time they get to the last stage reality starts to set in. Which means the cycle of seduction either must end, or you need to start all over again. what a way to live. Phase One: Separation Stirring Interest and Desire Stirring Interest and Desire 1. CHOOSE THE RIGHT VICTIM Everything depends on the target of your seduction. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose only those who will prove susceptible to your charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill a void, who see in you something exotic. They are often isolated or unhappy, or can easily be made so- for the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce. The perfect victim has some quality that inspires strong emotions in you, making your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim allows for the perfect chase. 2. CREATE A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY- APPROACH INDIRECTLY If you are too direct early on, you risk stirring up a resistance that will never be lowered. At first there must be nothing of the seducer in your manner. The seduction should begin at an angle, indirectly, so that the target only gradually becomes aware of you. Haunt the periphery of your targets life- approach through a third party, of seem to cultivate a relatively neutral relationship, moving gradually from friend to lover. Lull the target into feeling secure, then strike. 3. SEND MIXED SIGNALS Once people are aware of your presence, and perhaps vaguely intrigued, you need to stir their interest before it settles on someone else. Most of us are much too obvious- instead, be hard to figure out. Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthly, both innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle. Create such a power by hinting at something contradictory within you. 4. APPEAR TO BE AN OBJECT OF DESIRE- CREATE TRIANGLES Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid and neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. To draw your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability- of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers. Build a reputation that precedes you: If many have succumbed to your charms there must be a reason. 5. CREATE A NEED- STIR ANXIETY AND DISCONTENT A perfectly satisfied person cannot be seduced. Tension and disharmony must be instilled in your targets minds. Stir within them feelings of discontent, an unhappiness with their circumstances and themselves. The feeling of inadequacy that you create will give you space to insinuate yourself, to make them see you as the answer to their problems. Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure. Learn to manufacture the need that you can fill. 6. MASTER THE ART OF INSINUATION Making your targets feel dissatisfied and in need of your attention is essential, but if you are too obvious, they will see through you and grow defensive. There is no known defense, however, against insinuation- the art of planting ideas in peoples minds by dropping hints that take root days later, even appearing to them as their own idea. Create a sublanguage- bold statement followed by retraction and apology, ambiguous comments, banal talk combined with alluring glances- that enters the targets unconscious to convey your real meaning. Make everything suggestive. 7. ENTER THEIR SPIRIT Most people are locked in their own worlds, making them stubborn and hard to persuade. The way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adapt yourself to their moods. In doing so you will stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses. Indulge your targets every move and whim, giving them nothing to react against or resist. 8. CREATE TEMPTATION Lure the target deep into your seduction by creating the proper temptation: a glimpse of the pleasures to come. As the serpent tempted Eve with the promise of forbidden knowledge, you must awaken a desire in your targets that they cannot control. Find that weakness of theirs, that fantasy that has yet to be realized, and hint that you can lead them toward it. The key is to keep it vague. Stimulate a curiosity stronger than the doubts and anxieties that go with it, and they will follow you. Phase Two: Lead Astray Creating Pleasure and Confusion 9. KEEP THEM IN SUSPENSE- WHAT COMES NEXT The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken. More: You have ceded them power. The only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense, a calculated surprise. Doing something they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity- they will not be able to foresee what comes next. You are always one step ahead and in control. Give the victim a thrill with a sudden change of direction. 10. USE THE DEMONIC POWER OF WORDS TO SOW CONFUSION It is hard to make people listen; they are consumed with their own thoughts and desires, and have little time for yours. The trick to making them listen is to say what they want to hear, to fill their ears with whatever is pleasant to them. This is the essence of seductive language. Inflame peoples emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them is sweet words and promises, and not only will they listen to you, they will lose their will to resist you. 11. PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL Lofty words of love and grand gestures can be suspicious: Why are you trying so hard to please? The details of a seduction- the subtle gestures, the offhand things you do- are often more charming and revealing. You must learn to distract your victims with a myriad of pleasant little rituals- thoughtful gifts tailored just for them, clothes and adornments designed to please them, gestures that show the time and attention you are paying them. Mesmerized by what they see, they will not notice what you are really up to. 12. POETICIZE YOUR PRESENCE Important things happen when your targets are alone: The slightest feeling of relief that you are not there, and it is all over. Familiarity and overexposure will cause this reaction. Remain elusive, then. Intrigue your targets by alternating an exciting presence with a cool distance, exuberant moments followed by calculated absences. Associate yourself with poetic images and objects, so that when they think of you, they begin to see you through and idealized halo. The more you figure in their minds, the more they will envelop you in seductive fantasies. 13. DISARM THROUGH STRATEGIC WEAKNESS AND VULNERABILITY Too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself, you will make your actions look more natural, less calculated. Physical weakness- tears, bashfulness, paleness- will help create the effect. Play the victim, and then transform your targets sympathy into love. 14. CONFUSE DESIRE AND REALITY- THE PERFECT ILLUSION To compensate for the difficulties in their lives, people spend a lot of their time daydreaming, imagining a future full of adventure, success, and romance. If you can create the illusion that through you they can live out their dreams, you will have them at your mercy. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason. Lead the seduced to a point of confusion in which they can no longer tell the difference between illusion and reality. 15. ISOLATE THE VICTIM An isolated person is weak. By slowly isolating your victims, you make them more vulnerable to your influence. Take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, and home. Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo- they are leaving one world behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside support, and in their confusion they are easily led astray. Lure the seduced into your lair, where nothing is familiar. Phase Three: The Precipice Deepening the Effect Through Extreme Measures 16. PROVE YOURSELF Most people want to be seduces. If they resist your efforts, it is probably because you have not gone far enough to allay their doubts- about your motives, the depth of your feelings, and so on. One well-timed action that shows how far you are willing to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking foolish or making a mistake-any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for your targets sake will overwhelm their emotions, they wont notice anything else. 17. EFFECT A REGRESSION People who have experienced certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat or relive it. The deepest-rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those of early childhood, and are often unconsciously associated with parental figures. Bring your target back to that point by placing yourself in the oedipal triangle and positioning them as the needy child. Unaware of the cause of their emotional response, they will fall in love with you. 18. STIR UP THE TRANSGRESSIVE AND TABOO There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are more superficial, simply defining polite acceptable behavior. Making your targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive. People yearn to explore their dark side. Once the desire to transgress draws your target to you, it will be hard for them to stop. Take them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond. 19. USE SPIRITUAL LURES Everyone has doubts and insecurities-about their body, their self worth, their sexuality. If your seduction appeals exclusively to the physical, you will stir up these doubts and make your targets self conscious. Instead, lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art, the occult. Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited. Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two souls. 20. MIX PLEASURE WITH PAIN The greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice. At first, perhaps, your kindness is charming, but soon it grows monotonous; you are trying to hard to please, and seem insecure. Instead of overwhelming your targets with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Make them feel guilty and insecure. Instigate a breakup- now a rapprochement, a return to your earlier kindness, will turn them weak at the knees. The lower lows you create, the greater the highs. To heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement of fear. Phase Four: Moving In for the Kill 21. GIVE THEM SPACE TO FALL- THE PURSUER IS PURSUED If your targets become too used to you as the aggressor, they will give less of their own energy, and the tension will slacken. You need to wake them up, turn the tables. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and they will start to come after you. Hint that you are growing bored. Seem interested in someone else. Soon they will want to possess you physically, and restraint will go out the window. Create the illusion that the seducer is being seduced. 22. USE PHYSICAL LURES Targets with active minds are dangerous: If they see through your manipulations, they may suddenly develop doubts. Put their minds gently to rest, and waken their dormant senses, by combining a non defensive attitude with a charged sexual presence. While your cool, nonchalant air is lowering their inhibitions, your glances, voice, and bearing-oozing sex and desire-are getting under their skin and raising their temperature. Never force the physical; instead infect your target with heat, lure them into lust. Morality, judgment, and concern for the future will melt away. 23. MASTER THE ART OF THE BOLD MOVE A moment has arrived: Your victim clearly desires you, but is not ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it. This is time to throw aside chivalry, kindness, and coquetry and to overwhelm them with a bold move. Dont give the victim time to consider the consequences. Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victims charms. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you. 24. BEWARE THE AFTEREFFECTS Danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction-toward lassitude, distrust, disappointment. If you are to part, make the sacrifice swift and sudden. If you are to stay in a relationship, beware a flagging of energy, a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy. A second seduction is required. Never let the other person take you for granted- use absence, create pain and conflict, to keep the seduced on tenterhooks
East7 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Interesting. Sounds much like manipulation rather than natural seduction. The whole thing seems very calculated. IMO, most married people who get involved in A, don't calculate their actions, they mostly have a boundaries issue and conflicting desires (cake eating pattern).
TMCM Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Interesting. Sounds much like manipulation rather than natural seduction. The whole thing seems very calculated. IMO, most married people who get involved in A, don't calculate their actions, they mostly have a boundaries issue and conflicting desires (cake eating pattern). Sounds like something worthy of Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli the writer of the political treatise classic 'The Prince'. A great number of OM are predators who care nothing but having sex with married women to boost their egos. They probably use some of the principles in this book to attain their goal of bedding married women. I agree that it is a treatise on manipulation but it can be very educational in that it can show how they do it. Sadly many married women are too trusting and it doesn't even occur to them that their insecurities as women are being exploited for the benefit of a scoundrel who could hardly care for their total wellbeing.
East7 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Sounds like something worthy of Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli the writer of the political treatise classic 'The Prince'. A great number of OM are predators who care nothing but having sex with married women to boost their egos. They probably use some of the principles in this book to attain their goal of bedding married women. . Sorry, but I am single fOM . I am far from being a predator..
TMCM Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Sorry, but I am single fOM . I am far from being a predator.. Originally I wasn't implying that you were but if you are fOM as in 'Former' OM, then at one time you were a predator (though I'm glad you are no longer one). If a man is too lazy to woo a single woman and prefers instead to seduce a married woman because it's easier, then in my book, he is a predator.
East7 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Originally I wasn't implying that you were but if you are fOM as in 'Former' OM, then at one time you were a predator (though I'm glad you are no longer one). If a man is too lazy to woo a single woman and prefers instead to seduce a married woman because it's easier, then in my book, he is a predator. What if it was MW who seduced me? No really, it is too simple to resume thinks into being lazy and predator.
GiannasPapa Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 What if it was MW who seduced me? No really, it is too simple to resume thinks into being lazy and predator. Yes, I'm one of these rules/honesty zealots. I can say that I have resisted the lure of married/partnered women with success thus far in my 43 years. It is too icky and I don't understand how people can *not* think about the impact they are making on some poor man's life. Aren't we all brothers? And no, I don't give a whit about all her complaining about what a creep/chump/p***y/abusive/<insert other negative epithet here> her partner is. Just say no, walk away, and it won't be but a day or two that the endorphins that started to suck you in will have gone bye-bye. Making the choice to continue the dance of courtship is sometimes hard to get out of, but not if you nip it in the bud immediately. As Cartman sez, "It's wrooooooonggggg"! ;-)
threebyfate Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Strange that you would start a thread when I already started one a couple of days ago. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271532/
wheelwright Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Reading this article was amazing. I wrote a short form of this behaviour about xMOM in a thread that was mysteriously deleted many moons ago. However, at that point I was really putting that behaviour in the context of me having been thrown under a bus. I mentioned that as this getting thrown leaves empty the place where closure should be, it's the perfect seduction. The thrown person will continue to love you, never having glimpsed the sly seducer, and being provided with no further evidence. However, I now reflect and see I enjoyed/employed many of these arts of seduction, and enjoyed that he did, and that we both saw it going on. As I was in love with him, and assumed he was with me, it seemed like an intimacy we shared. We were both experienced enough to seduce, and the love and passion made that erotic. However, if I thought he never loved me, that would change how I felt about the seduction on his part. The artfulness becomes cruel, not beautiful. I did love him.
Author jlola Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Strange that you would start a thread when I already started one a couple of days ago. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271532/ I read your post. I don't think people in affairs have intent to manipulate or be PUA's. I think the SITUATION of the affair subconsciously CREATES the very same behaviors the rules tell us to do. In affairs often someone is unhappy, or dissatisfied initially. Most likely WS. All marriages go through ups and downs. Some people are better equiped at handling downtime then others. We have all read many who claim affair began as friendship. Guards were down. saring of problems with someone who seem safe is often the begining. Affairs are often based on fantasy. In Art of Seduction, insinuation,fantasy and having the person see you as the answer to their problems,mimick affair couple. Isolate the person. Affairs are often in a bubble. You and me against the world. No friends,family or anything to interfere with your little world. Affairs breed uncertainty. Do not be predictable is the norm of the affair because you simply cannot be predictable. Affairs are Triangles. triangles create uncertainty and competition. You want what you cannot have. Art of seduction advices giving pain to victim. Breakup with them, and then come back. Creating higher highs and lower lows to keep them attached. This behavior is common in affairs. Taboo aspect of affairs keeps you bonded as the guilt of a secret you both share. In the end, whether it is subconcious or conscious manilpulation the reselt is the same. pain,uncertainty,drama,longing. Nothing healthy comes out of that. This is why #24 says after the seduction, you will have to reseduce if yoy want to keep the same passion going. Bring about pain,uncertainty,creating highs and lows all over again if you want to keep control and do not want the spell broken. I would gather this is why many people in affairs rarely succeed when it becomes a reality based relationship. Since they are NOT practicing the Laws of seduction, they do not realize spell will soon be broken and the very reason the affair was sooooooo passionate is based on human psychology. Very interesting. I would think people who had affairs can see how these behaviors were the driving force in their obsession.Not the person, the behavior. I would wager a bet if both affair partners were single and had a regular relationship without the triangulations,drama,fantasy,obstacles,isolation the relationship would not wield all of the highs and lows, the rollercoaster effect the affair was able to create.
Author jlola Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Reading this article was amazing. I wrote a short form of this behaviour about xMOM in a thread that was mysteriously deleted many moons ago. However, at that point I was really putting that behaviour in the context of me having been thrown under a bus. I mentioned that as this getting thrown leaves empty the place where closure should be, it's the perfect seduction. The thrown person will continue to love you, never having glimpsed the sly seducer, and being provided with no further evidence. However, I now reflect and see I enjoyed/employed many of these arts of seduction, and enjoyed that he did, and that we both saw it going on. As I was in love with him, and assumed he was with me, it seemed like an intimacy we shared. We were both experienced enough to seduce, and the love and passion made that erotic. However, if I thought he never loved me, that would change how I felt about the seduction on his part. The artfulness becomes cruel, not beautiful. I did love him. Though I never did use any of these techniques, I realized in my younger insecure days some of those techniques were used on me by 2 men I feel deeply into infatuation with(I cannot call the situations love). I will also say the men did not use theses techniques int ntionally and they were not affairs. But rather one situation where bf was in law school and did not want relationship at the time because he needed to focus on studies. The other was a very successful young entrepreneur who'se business was his baby and required a large amount of his time.. He too did not want a relationship at the time because he was focused of growth. They both declared to be madly in love and I was a drug that came at the wrong time. These situations created a climate of anxiety. Stolen moments,break-ups in order to concentrate. But a few days or weeks later contact because they could not live without me. Those relationships kept me uncertain. Highs when I would get the little pellets of love and attention, lows when they were not around. They were created in isolation. Our dates consisted of US. Because so little time was spent together,when we had it we wanted noone else around. Sort of like the "affair bubble". I do feel the "Art of seduction " does eventually bring pain as the author describes as the last rule.. I also feel the reason these men were able to use the techniques on me were the situation at the time and also the fact they were type A personalities. I also see clearly now, in the long run I would not have been happy with them. But at the times I was obsessed. These relationships clouded my judgement on other relationships which would have had potential. But the adreneline was not there in those other relationships because the situation was not unhealthy. As I gained more prospective on life, I am able to recognize unhealthy situations and leave. Those 2 relationships from my past would not have had a chance in hell had they happened today. I would have left when the rollercoaster ride began.
2.50 a gallon Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 This is a warning to all husbands. Married Women Are Easy! I can say this as it was my experience when for a short period in my life I crossed over to the dark side and began pursuing MW. As a former BH, I myself find cheating to be abhorent. While we H's can scream and rant about cheating wives, the plain simple facts are that over half of our marriages end up in divorce. From my understanding they (being those who provide the stats) are not telling the whole story and that in truth over the life time of todays marriages those that will be lost to divorce are above the 70 percentile. And also from what I read over half of them are the result of the wife cheating. Now to add to that many wives cheat and are never found out. In only a couple of cases did the H of my partners ever become aware that his W was sharing her body with an OM. I now believe that way more than 75 percent of the married women, at one time or another in their marriages step over the line. Have you read the occassional posts of GG2W, he claims to be scoring with married women almost nightly. And having been on the dark side at one time in my life, I am sure that he is being truthful. I do not totally agree with all of the steps that the writer laid down. But can see that I followed most of his steps but not in that order. Yes it was a game of manipulation to get them to share their bed with me. But also the sad fact is that once I selected a victim, I NEVER failed. And another thing, they thought that they were seducing me, they never had a clue, that I had been manipulating and seducing them. As I said Married Women Are Easy. It was like playing dominos with a 4 year old. You always win and it it did not take long before one tires of the game. It is also a sad fact that there are predator OM's who get off on seducing MW, and most women do not have a clue. Even after the break up of their marriage, they are still defending their OM as being a nice guy who never meant to hurt them
Author jlola Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 I don't think most OM/Ow are preditors. I think many are psychologically messed up when it comes to affairs and wanting what they cannot have. I have read over and over again men who are very successful with women claiming they only fell in love during the affair. You would wonder why a "married woman" they cannot have, One who they have witnessed her deceitful side is who they want to spend their lives with when there are single women out there who have character and integrity. I have a friend who dated his AP before she ever got married and had kids. She gave him an ultimatum back then to get serious or she would start dating others since she was looking for marriage. He let her go without looking back. Six years later she calls him. She is now married with 2 kids. She pursues the situation. Her husband is very rich and my friend never spends a dime when they go out. They are in the affair for awhile before he tries to leave and realizes he cannot because he has fallen in love with her. They break-up to make-up numerous times for 2 years. Eventually his guilt catches up and he leaves. I ask him why he easily let her go in the past, but in the context of her marriage he fell in love with her. He can't answer that. Now his Ex AP is having another affair. The new man is also married and he is ready to leave his wife for this woman. She is also declaring love(do single people not fall in love with singles anymore:) But says she needs time to financially get situated. So it seems so easy for all in the affair to be "in love". Apparently for the MW it is not the man who she falls in love with, but the situation. The romance,the uncertainty. I do agree MW fall very easily in love with most any man she has an affair with. Which makes yolu wonder is it really love? Women do not falkl in love with every man she dates when she is single. It is a messed up situation which unhealthy people can get easily involved in. My friend is now realizing how unhealthy the situation with MW was. When he was in it, he could not see it. Now that he is aware of her new situation, he thinks her MM is a fool to let his marriage go for her. He now sees the XMW has many issues. He could not see that before. He thought she was so sweet. She has also never told new affair partner about my friend. MM thinks he is so special and this is her first affair.
spice4life Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Though I never did use any of these techniques, I realized in my younger insecure days some of those techniques were used on me by 2 men I feel deeply into infatuation with(I cannot call the situations love). I will also say the men did not use theses techniques int ntionally and they were not affairs. But rather one situation where bf was in law school and did not want relationship at the time because he needed to focus on studies. The other was a very successful young entrepreneur who'se business was his baby and required a large amount of his time.. He too did not want a relationship at the time because he was focused of growth. They both declared to be madly in love and I was a drug that came at the wrong time. These situations created a climate of anxiety. Stolen moments,break-ups in order to concentrate. But a few days or weeks later contact because they could not live without me. Those relationships kept me uncertain. Highs when I would get the little pellets of love and attention, lows when they were not around. They were created in isolation. Our dates consisted of US. Because so little time was spent together,when we had it we wanted noone else around. Sort of like the "affair bubble". I do feel the "Art of seduction " does eventually bring pain as the author describes as the last rule.. I also feel the reason these men were able to use the techniques on me were the situation at the time and also the fact they were type A personalities. I also see clearly now, in the long run I would not have been happy with them. But at the times I was obsessed. These relationships clouded my judgement on other relationships which would have had potential. But the adreneline was not there in those other relationships because the situation was not unhealthy. As I gained more prospective on life, I am able to recognize unhealthy situations and leave. Those 2 relationships from my past would not have had a chance in hell had they happened today. I would have left when the rollercoaster ride began. Thanks for sharing your insights on this...very enlightening. When I first read the OP I thought, "wow...scary stuff!" I wasn't sure what the point was for posting it and now see it was to inspire conversation. I'm. At the same point as you right now, where I would pick up on a potential roller coaster ride and would split the scene in two seconds flat. BTDT and have no desire to ride it again. Only a healthy relationship for me from here on out. I can see how I contributed to this kind of attraction though and have dealt with what was going on inside me to create that kind of unhealthy relationship. Thanks...great stuff!
Author jlola Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 hmmm....that list of "rules for seduction" sounds like a pretty framiliar "modus operandi"(sp.?) for some "other men/women" out there. It does go both ways... both married men/women and other men/women can act like that. Not sure why. yes, that list does seem familiar behavior to those having affairs. For every action there is a reaction. And whether intentional or not the reaction is the same. Obsession,pain,uncertainty,feelings of infatuation and longing. The author states in an interview you cannot do all the laws as it will backfire and confuse. But using many will create the seduction. Take a look at rule #24 though. The AFTERMATH AND AFTEREFFECTS!!! that is the most important thing. Because the warning says you either have to start the cycle again or end the relationship. Otherwise it begins to dissapoint after all of that drama when it settles into everyday relationship. You have to continue with the unhealthy behavior. Very sad indeed. Wish psychologist would look more into theseaddictive behaviors and need for drama as a reason people have affairs. Not blame the spouse. Because lord knows EVERY married person I know to have affairs which inlude sister,half sister and father as well as other relatives has been the selfish one. I have yet to see a couple where I have agreed spouse was horrible. Never! It probably happens but rarely. I have heard many people close to me who have affairs complain about spouse. But I have always thought in my head "Jesus, you are no prize either and your spouse is a Saint, to put up with your selfishness". Sadly I think AP rarely gets to see that side. But has empathy for WS who is only telling his or her side of the story. I do not really see OM/OW as preditors. More as guillible people who believe the BS and pity party the WS spews. If Ws is really as miserable as they say they would leave. But they always have some BS excuse why they stay. Usually it is one that maakes them seem like a self sacrificing martyr. With WS's though it is usually all about ME,ME,Me in the end.
woundedheart Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 But I have always thought in my head "Jesus, you are no prize either and your spouse is a Saint, to put up with your selfishness". Oh Lord how I wish someone would say those words to my WH right now!
wheelwright Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I don't think most OM/Ow are preditors. I think many are psychologically messed up when it comes to affairs and wanting what they cannot have. I have read over and over again men who are very successful with women claiming they only fell in love during the affair. You would wonder why a "married woman" they cannot have, One who they have witnessed her deceitful side is who they want to spend their lives with when there are single women out there who have character and integrity. My friend is now realizing how unhealthy the situation with MW was. When he was in it, he could not see it. Now that he is aware of her new situation, he thinks her MM is a fool to let his marriage go for her. He now sees the XMW has many issues. He could not see that before. He thought she was so sweet. She has also never told new affair partner about my friend. MM thinks he is so special and this is her first affair. Do you believe in love? If you do (I am thinking you do) do you believe it is possible to fall in love outside of M? I am thinking everyone in this triangle has issues. Are issues a reason to leave someone, or be suspicious of them? Let's let issues go, and understand the real factors. Duty and love. And wank*rs. That's about it really.
nyrias Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Do you believe in love? If you do (I am thinking you do) do you believe it is possible to fall in love outside of M? I am thinking everyone in this triangle has issues. Are issues a reason to leave someone, or be suspicious of them? Let's let issues go, and understand the real factors. Duty and love. And wank*rs. That's about it really. Love is probably a behavioral pattern emerged from evolution so that we can procreate more effectively. While there are always counter-examples, i don't think "love", or the same hormonal/excitement responses invoked in a person when he/she sees his/her lover, last very long. Duty .. probably ... love .. no. That is why i think it is not wise to base a relationship purely on how you feel.
wheelwright Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Love is probably a behavioral pattern emerged from evolution so that we can procreate more effectively. While there are always counter-examples, i don't think "love", or the same hormonal/excitement responses invoked in a person when he/she sees his/her lover, last very long. Duty .. probably ... love .. no. That is why i think it is not wise to base a relationship purely on how you feel. Crikey. That's all very Darwinian. It is of course entirely natural for people of an evolutionary mindset to evoke and espouse duty - an entirely cultural facet of humankind. It is culture which separates us from the animals and makes us believe we are superior. Or would that actually be love? That's why I think it's good to base a R purely on how you feel. Duty and ideas in human evolution are notoriously famous for paradigm shifts. The pants you wear may change, but the passion and the love are always right on the button.
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