stepka Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 But what I'm not sure about is what to do next. The slow fade? The breakup talk? Or the breakup email? Just stop answering his calls or texts or emails? This is an ex from years ago who lives a good 7 hours away anyway, and he contacted me out of the blue when he and his wife decided to divorce. At first he was calling all the time but then suddenly I don't hear from him for a week. When he texted I didn't even answer but he pursued until I told him that I"m looking for a real relationship--he swore that that's what he wants too and that he really did truly love me at one time and is dying to see me again--even mentioned future marriage. So I started to talk to him again, but again he's not calling that much or making any effort to come see me, so I'm not going to get sucked in any further. Given that we have a bit of a history, which of the options above would be best? (I don't think he was huge into me years ago either but I almost started to fall for it this time again b/c I was so crazy for him at one time. Fortunately, these days I have a bit more sense.) I"m totally done with this, but I'm afraid to talk to him on the phone for fear he'll talk me around again. This last part--him not calling much--has gone on for about a month now. He's not even that good looking.
Hules Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Just never talk to him again sounds like a total douchebag.
Author stepka Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Just never talk to him again sounds like a total douchebag. Yeah, leaning towards that. I think he just needed someone to perk up his ego while he's getting a divorce.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 When he texted I didn't even answer but he pursued until I told him that I"m looking for a real relationship--he swore that that's what he wants too and that he really did truly love me at one time and is dying to see me again--even mentioned future marriage. What a loser. He's still married to another woman, hasn't seen you in years, and is throwing out marriage as some kind of lure? He's scum. Delete him from your life and move on for good, I say.
Author stepka Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Just never talk to him again sounds like a total douchebag. What a loser. He's still married to another woman, hasn't seen you in years, and is throwing out marriage as some kind of lure? He's scum. Delete him from your life and move on for good, I say. You guys are great for my backbone. But he is very busy. I know, that's what they all say. I've pretty much come to the same conclusion--I can't get mad at him for not being into me, but I can be mad for him pursuing me after I made it quite clear that I was only interested if he was dead serious. (And I wasn't even asking for marriage--he threw that out, not me.) I guess I'm curious too--when you get in a relationship with someone and you can see that all the effort is coming from you and that you're spending more time in agony than in ecstasy and that you know you have to move on--how do you generally handle it? When do you know it's time? I'm asking b/c even though I'm a bit older I don't have much dating experience and getting back into dating and looking back, my husband wasn't that much into me either, so I really need help figuring out the signals. This one was pretty obvious, but at which point do you figure out that it's not going anywhere? And if a man is relationship material, is he calling a lot pretty early on?
Hules Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Stepka I'm very busy as well but if there is a girl im interested in I will make time to contact see her, which is not always easy. Once again total douchebag, drop him you can do better
Author stepka Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Stepka I'm very busy as well but if there is a girl im interested in I will make time to contact see her, which is not always easy. Once again total douchebag, drop him you can do better Yes, I'm very successfully not returning his phone call from Friday night right now.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I guess I'm curious too--when you get in a relationship with someone and you can see that all the effort is coming from you and that you're spending more time in agony than in ecstasy and that you know you have to move on--how do you generally handle it? When do you know it's time? I haven't really been in that situation, but I have found myself at the point when I realized a relationship wasn't going anywhere and I was wasting my time with the person. I end it, decisively and swiftly, and go NO CONTACT. I'm asking b/c even though I'm a bit older I don't have much dating experience and getting back into dating and looking back, my husband wasn't that much into me either, so I really need help figuring out the signals. This one was pretty obvious, but at which point do you figure out that it's not going anywhere? And if a man is relationship material, is he calling a lot pretty early on? I have never pursued a man, and the main reason is that I think if a man really likes you, nothing is going to keep him from calling and making plans to see you. To me, the signal that tells me he's "not that into me" is him not initiating contact or plans. If he doesn't do that, I don't bother with him at all.
Author stepka Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I have never pursued a man, and the main reason is that I think if a man really likes you, nothing is going to keep him from calling and making plans to see you. To me, the signal that tells me he's "not that into me" is him not initiating contact or plans. If he doesn't do that, I don't bother with him at all. Yes, that's my credo too--I figure if you have to chase you'll never have your man. This one is just really slow to call again, like every 5 days and sometimes less and then I agonize about it the rest of the time so I'm just done. Then he was supposed to call last Sunday evening and he didn't and he didn't text until Friday, so that was the last straw. For a man who claims that he was once in love, I'm just not feeling it. Then when he first called he was going to come up during spring break, but of course something came up and he said this sounds really lame but he has no money. My take is that if he really wanted to see me, nothing could stop him.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Yeah, just drop him, girl! Find something or someone else to dwell on. Believe me, I've been there. Throw yourself into your work, getting in great shape, or anything you really care about.
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