Nexus One Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) I don't want to go all Tyler Durden(Fight Club) here, but if you're looking for love, then better not waste your time by sitting around and waiting for it, because every second that passes is a second you come closer to death. While that sounds dramatic, it is reality. A (musical) reference to that Tyler Durden monologue: http://bit.ly/ggS3De Edited April 3, 2011 by Nexus One
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 this saying is BS I wasn't looking for love for years. I worked on my PhD, I didn't care about relationships. Do you know what happened? I went YEARS without going on a single date. It is only when I started looking hardcore that I got anywhere. By looking, I mean: opened up online dating profiles, went out to bars, clubs and parties with friends etc.. I was flooded with dates and eventually met my current bf (at a party). If I kept up my "not looking" thing, I would still be dateless. Oh and I am an attractive female. I can only imagine it gets worse for guys. 1
Ross PK Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 this saying is BS I wasn't looking for love for years. I worked on my PhD, I didn't care about relationships. Do you know what happened? I went YEARS without going on a single date. It is only when I started looking hardcore that I got anywhere. By looking, I mean: opened up online dating profiles, went out to bars, clubs and parties with friends etc.. I was flooded with dates and eventually met my current bf (at a party). If I kept up my "not looking" thing, I would still be dateless. Oh and I am an attractive female. I can only imagine it gets worse for guys. That's weird, because I always thought even below average women didn't really have to do anything and guys would just come up to them.
Isolde Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I think it's confirmation bias. When things work out for people, it seems like it was predestined and things just "fell into place." Yet people often did things to lead to that outcome, even if they were subtle things. For example, you might get a great job offer when you least expect it. But you probably took action to get it, it won't just come to you out of nowhere.
Author orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 That's weird, because I always thought even below average women didn't really have to do anything and guys would just come up to them. That's what I have been trying to tell you, Ross but you wouldn't believe me. You only believe Eternal Sunshine.
Author orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 I don't want to go all Tyler Durden(Fight Club) here, but if you're looking for love, then better not waste your time by sitting around and waiting for it, because every second that passes is a second you come closer to death. While that sounds dramatic, it is reality. A (musical) reference to that Tyler Durden monologue: http://bit.ly/ggS3De Hell yeah.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 That's weird, because I always thought even below average women didn't really have to do anything and guys would just come up to them. It's a huge myth and one lots of guys on LS just don't get. 1
Ross PK Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 That's what I have been trying to tell you, Ross but you wouldn't believe me. You only believe Eternal Sunshine. Hmmm? I can't remember you telling me that. If you did I'd believe you.
Ross PK Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 It's a huge myth and one lots of guys on LS just don't get. Okay, this is interesting indeed.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Ross, it's probably only true for super-attractive females like 9s or 10s. The night I met my current bf was kind of weird. My general mindset over the past year was "looking for a relationship" mode. It was Friday night, 8pm and I was already in bed. I got my period earlier that day and was bloated, having stomach cramps and feeling tired. I was getting ready to read a book and fall asleep when my phone rang. My super-energetic-perky friend was telling me "OMGOMG you must come to this house party with me!!! There will be many cute guys I promise you!!! I have noone to go with!!! PLEASE PLEASE COME! I will even come and pick you up. You have 30 minutes to get ready!!!GETUPGETUPGETUP" I agreed to go, as a favor to her. I looked like ****. I felt like ****. My hair was kind of dirty. I pulled it up in the pony tail. I tried to correct my bloated face with make up but did a poor job. None of my sexy dresses fitted properly so I actually wore dark work pants, a simple shirt and even tied a cardigan over my waist to hide the general bloatedness. I have never looked worse. I truly wasn't expecting to meet anyone that night. First half of the party was a snooze. I stood in the corner chatting to my friend for a good hour. Then I went to get us both drinks and some guy approached me. He started chatting me up. He was cute but about 7 years younger than me. It was also obvious within first 10 minutes of the convo that we had little in common. I just wasn't interested but was kind of killing time. He asked for my number and I gave it to him because I didn't know what else to do. Eventually, I excused myself and said that I had to get back to my friend. On the way to my friend another guy stopped me. We started chatting and I definitely liked this one. But he kind of didn't do much in terms of asking me for my number. People were starting to leave. He said "I will let you get back to your friend". I was kind of puzzled that guys were even talking to me as I looked like complete ****. There are so many nights where I am perfectly dolled up and barely anyone talks to me. But anyway, I decided not to let the second guy go. I came up to him and asked him for his Facebook. I pulled my phone out and he gave me his last name. Then he said "Well, I would actually rather you called me than Facebooked me ;)" Then we exchanged numbers. He called the next day. He is now my boyfriend.
Ross PK Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) That's cool, I'm happy for you. Edited April 3, 2011 by Ross PK
oaks Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 They keep saying "Stop looking, and it'll happen." I hear this as part of the "Hi Oaks, how's your love life?" conversation that close friends who are in relationships have with me from time to time. My single friends never say this to me. I don't think it means anything different from "Things will work out in the end". It's hokum.
Author orangelady Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 I hear this as part of the "Hi Oaks, how's your love life?" conversation that close friends who are in relationships have with me from time to time. My single friends never say this to me. I don't think it means anything different from "Things will work out in the end". It's hokum. I hear ya.
westernxer Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I'm not much for cliches when it comes to love et al, but I will say to expect the unexpected. That's about all I can say. I'm also not attached to anyone at the moment, and the last thing I want to hear is a slew of regurgitated phrases designed to make me feel better about myself, because deep down I don't mind the cold reality of solitude, knowing that it could be a lot worse. Furthermore, the sappy dime-store euphemisms are like paper cuts: they don't run deep, but they sure as hell can irritate to no avail. I acknowledge that people mean well when they say this stuff, or else they just don't know any better. But what do I know?
Knittress Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 That's weird, because I always thought even below average women didn't really have to do anything and guys would just come up to them. Sorta. Women still have to make themselves available, by either going out to social venues or actively expanding their social circle - which takes a lot of effort/guts and utterly sucks if you're shy. Oh. And a guy coming on to me when he doesn't know the first thing about who I am, automatically kills any attraction I might have had with him. Rather than being flattered that he's noticed my hotness, I'm annoyed that it's all I am to him. It doesn't count.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Let me translate this phrase to something a bit more appropriate: When you stop being needy, love will find you. You see, it's the neediness that makes you unattractive. I've found that, whenever a girl has pursued me, it's been when I've either been so sure that I'll be forever single, or that I'm not attracted to her, and it's been a turn on. Whenever I've pursued her, it's been a disaster, because I show my interest too early, and she walks away. Needy people are unattractive, both men AND women, and therefore you shouldn't be needy. Dating is like a dance, I've heard. Sometimes you have to dance a certain way. Needy people tend to grab the person and pull them right out on the dance floor, and are too aggressive. This doesn't translate well into the dating realm.
sunshinegirl Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 When I was single and looking, the adage "it happens when you're not looking" drove me mad. It was such a catch-22: okay, so stop looking... except the purpose of not looking anymore is to meet the right guy so in fact if I stopped looking, I was still actually looking. At one point in early 2009, I got so sick of the dating scene that I called a "guyaitus"... a genuine "I'm really done with dating for now" window in which I sought to create the life I really wanted aside from the relationship part. I focused on my hobbies (rock climbing, yoga, running), friends and family and I really had no thought of, or interest in, meeting men. And that's when I met my husband. And thus proving the adage to be true... for me.
love is dangerous Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 i think this is true for girls, as they also dont look desperate a big turn off factor, however not for boys as they have to do the pursuing most of the time.
ChessPieceFace Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 And do you also think if you stop looking at job postings, and give up looking for a good job and sit on your butt, your dream job will magically call you on the phone? Yeah, get real. People say stupid things all the time. You asked so I think you already know better.
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