orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) I've seen this saying going around a lot. But they usually come from people who ALREADY found someone. They keep saying "Stop looking, and it'll happen." I did that for a number of years where I wasn't thinking about it at all but nothing happened too. Do you honestly think when you stop looking and stop thinking about it, out of no where it will happen? What about those who did look and did find? Does that prove this saying to be a fallacy? Is there really one answer for all? Edited April 3, 2011 by orangelady
quietGuy13 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Totally balony. I"m proof ,i'm 31 and getting older and nothing really happens. i've never even get girls say hi to me. the only ones that that is true for are hunks, and badboys and rich nerds. But actualy, if you've seen the Millionaire match maker show on tv, you can see that not even rich guys can find women by themselves.
Hules Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 At least for me no, Iv'e had to go out and hunt down every GF I've ever had. You can't just sit around expecting love to fall into your lap.
Author orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 At least for me no, Iv'e had to go out and hunt down every GF I've ever had. You can't just sit around expecting love to fall into your lap. Yeah but for some of my girlfriends, they always have guys queuing up for them. They never really have to look. I guess it's like that for those who are good looking.
Author orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Totally balony. I"m proof ,i'm 31 and getting older and nothing really happens. i've never even get girls say hi to me. the only ones that that is true for are hunks, and badboys and rich nerds. But actualy, if you've seen the Millionaire match maker show on tv, you can see that not even rich guys can find women by themselves. Yep and millionaire reality tv shows aren't real.
quankanne Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I've found it to be true – I met my husband about the time my relationship with "The One" was falling apart, and and at the time he (husband) didn't even register on my radar. He was just some guy I'd met through my work and would see every so often. I didn't want to be with anyone else when the relationship ended, so imagine my surprise when things actually started picking up with Mr. Q!
gaius Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) It really does have more to do with how you act and what vibes you give off orange. I know a 10 who has never once had a guy try to strike up a conversation with her on the subway in the 2 years she's been riding. I know a 4 who is always drowning in male attention wherever she goes. And yes, it is a fallacy for some people. You often have to put in a lot of work to get yourself in a good position to find someone. Thinking you're less attractive then the girls you hang out with probably isn't helping. Edited April 3, 2011 by gaius
Author orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 It really does have more to do with how you act and what vibes you give off orange. I know a 10 who has never once had a guy try to strike up a conversation with her on the subway in the 2 years she's been riding. I know a 4 who is always drowning in male attention wherever she goes. And yes, it is a fallacy for some people. You often have to put in a lot of work to get yourself in a good position to find someone. Thinking you're less attractive then the girls you hang out with probably isn't helping. Yes, thanks, I know that gauis. But how do you know I think I'm not attractive with the girls I hang out? Just asking because I didn't mention that in my post. Hehe you call me orange. That's cute. Are you a girl? Are you a girl who is NOT attractive? Until you are in our shoes, you will never understand as long as you're a man. But yes, I do get what you mean.........thanks.
Hules Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) Yes, thanks, I know that gauis. But how do you know I think I'm not attractive with the girls I hang out? Just asking because I didn't mention that in my post. Hehe you call me orange. That's cute. Are you a girl? Are you a girl who is NOT attractive? Until you are in our shoes, you will never understand as long as you're a man. But yes, I do get what you mean.........thanks. So wrong for so many reasons. You would be surprised how many guys are very conscious about how they look, myself included (Us been males just don't like to talk about it). For context read that: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271726/ Most people say I'm above average in looks these days sometimes I feel bloody ugly. I'm a strong believer you are only as ugly as you make yourself feel/treat yourself. I can go from been the confident guy to the self loathing guy depending on whats going on in my life. It's something I've been dealing with for a long time. Edited April 3, 2011 by Hules
P&R Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Depends... The girl that I love came into my life when I was least expecting it... She was a friend of mine and we had a mutual attraction yet I still had to go after her with all of my might. We didn't just decide that to start a relationship... Despite the mutual attraction I had to spend 4 months dating and persuing her until we finally entered a relationship. Love didn't come right away either. It was more like I wasn't looking for a relationship, or to date anyone at the time but I made an exception for her.
Ross PK Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 It really does have more to do with how you act and what vibes you give off orange. I know a 10 who has never once had a guy try to strike up a conversation with her on the subway in the 2 years she's been riding. I know a 4 who is always drowning in male attention wherever she goes. And yes, it is a fallacy for some people. You often have to put in a lot of work to get yourself in a good position to find someone. Thinking you're less attractive then the girls you hang out with probably isn't helping. Whether you're attractive or unattractive, I think it's better to be real.
gaius Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 You pretty much said you feel unattractive when you mentioned your friends get all that male attention simply because they are. And yeah, hules is right, guys can suffer from those feelings just as easily as women. I can relate. I'm not sure if your actually unattractive or one of those beautiful girls that just thinks she is, but not having that self confidence can really mess up your dating life in ways you might not consciously be aware of. Whether you're attractive or unattractive, I think it's better to be real. Can't say I always agree with that. There are many people who's real selves will get them nowhere with the opposite sex.
red shoes Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 It's fate. Not sit-here-and-do-nothing-about-anything fate but it's something you can't chase. If it's meant to be, it'll be.
smudge21 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I have a friend who is simply one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. I would be totally honoured to date her, but I never would as we're close friends and it's nice to keep things like that. She's been single for nearly two years and never gets asked out or chatted up, I believe because her beauty puts guys off, they just believe she must be seeing someone. She also lacks that inner confidence and is very shy which adds to the problem. In regards to finding love, I've never really been one to ask girls out - you know, walk up to a stranger and just ask them out just like that. I generally just meet girls either through work or friends and just be myself, if we get along, then maybe things may start happening, but I never expect anything to. I do agree that love can come when you least expect it. My most recent ex was a model, totally stunning and I never for one second thought I had a chance. But we hit it off and she started chasing me! Even though things didn't last, it sure gave me an ego boost, lol. I don't think there's any gauranteed way to find love, it's different for everyone. I may just be easier to say "love happens".
Author orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 It's fate. Not sit-here-and-do-nothing-about-anything fate but it's something you can't chase. If it's meant to be, it'll be. I think that's it, seriously. I find that people who say "don't look and it'll happen the least you expect it" only use it because it has happened to THEM. I can easily give you so many examples of people who did not look or expect, just went on with their lives like that and nothing happened after 5, 10, 15 years. Till today, they're still very much alone and single.
Author orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 You pretty much said you feel unattractive when you mentioned your friends get all that male attention simply because they are. And yeah, hules is right, guys can suffer from those feelings just as easily as women. I can relate. I'm sure you can I suppose, but not to the extent of how some women feel. I mean, guys have less things to whine about. For example, they have no boobs. They don't complain about how big their ass is and check it every 3 times a day. I'm not sure if your actually unattractive or one of those beautiful girls that just thinks she is, but not having that self confidence can really mess up your dating life in ways you might not consciously be aware of. Can't say I always agree with that. There are many people who's real selves will get them nowhere with the opposite sex. I agree here. This happened to me quite recently. To tell you the truth, I only whine and put myself down about my looks when I'm online with people I don't see in real life. But recently, I met a guy in one of my classes. We exchanged MSN as friends and we chatted quite a bit. So I think once or twice it slipped from my mouth - I said that I have a face of dog's ass or something. And then he said this : "Well, I don't change people's minds on how they feel about their looks. I've had my fair share of girls who are insecure." After that, I never spoke anything negative of myself to him. I think when we talk so bad about ourselves, it does make our friends frustrated and some (like this guy) wouldn't even entertain it at all. So now I'm going to watch what I say about myself with others. But I have come across a few girls in my life, who were honestly quite real about themselves. We were having a girl talk and some of them did say "Yeah, look at that girl, she'd have no problems finding a man because......a, b and c." And these girls are usually not that attractive. While its nice to be real sometimes, I guess its not good to keep drilling it into others on how ugly you think you are.
Author orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 You pretty much said you feel unattractive when you mentioned your friends get all that male attention simply because they are. And yeah, hules is right, guys can suffer from those feelings just as easily as women. I can relate. I'm sure you can I suppose, but not to the extent of how some women feel. I mean, guys have less things to whine about. For example, they have no boobs. They don't complain about how big their ass is and check it every 3 times a day. I'm not sure if your actually unattractive or one of those beautiful girls that just thinks she is, but not having that self confidence can really mess up your dating life in ways you might not consciously be aware of. Can't say I always agree with that. There are many people who's real selves will get them nowhere with the opposite sex. I agree here. This happened to me quite recently. To tell you the truth, I only whine and put myself down about my looks when I'm online with people I don't see in real life. But recently, I met a guy in one of my classes. We exchanged MSN as friends and we chatted quite a bit. So I think once or twice it slipped from my mouth - I said that I have a face of dog's ass or something. And then he said this : "Well, I don't change people's minds on how they feel about their looks. I've had my fair share of girls who are insecure." After that, I never spoke anything negative of myself to him. I think when we talk so bad about ourselves, it does make our friends frustrated and some (like this guy) wouldn't even entertain it at all. So now I'm going to watch what I say about myself with others. But I have come across a few girls in my life, who were honestly quite real about themselves. We were having a girl talk and some of them did say "Yeah, look at that girl, she'd have no problems finding a man because......a, b and c." And these girls are usually not that attractive. While its nice to be real sometimes, I guess its not good to keep drilling it into others on how ugly you think you are.
Hules Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) I'm sure you can I suppose, but not to the extent of how some women feel. I mean, guys have less things to whine about. For example, they have no boobs. They don't complain about how big their ass is and check it every 3 times a day. Sorry but I had to laugh at this really guys have just as many issues. Yes they are not the same but we do. I had boobs once as a Guy do you know how insecure that made me feel, yeah pretty ****ing horrible. Most guys don't have boobs but you don't have a penis and are constantly worried about girl's judging you . Guys are raised that showing emotion is bad and are told to be made of stone or you are weak. Do you know how difficult that is sometimes? I'm comfortable enough with myself to admit yes I break down in tears over stupid **** sometimes but its always in solitude, by my self, because guys are looked down in our society for showing emotion. Do you know how lonely that is? Not been able to talk about your feelings? Most guys will never admit it but we are not as tough as we appear if you cut us we will bleed. Edited April 3, 2011 by Hules
Mrlonelyone Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I have said it before and I will say it again this line is 75% horse $4it. Love finds average to attractive women who have good personalities in general when they aren't looking for it. They do not have to approach. ' For men, all men, we may not be looking for a woman when we see one that interest us. However once they interest us we are from that point forward looking for love from them. Therefore, in a culture where men are expected to approach women, men are by default looking when they ask for that date. That said. I do get why people feel that way. Often we have stopped looking and gave up hope by the time someone comes along. You know... you'll be single the whole time you live in cityX only to meet someone wonderful in the last few weeks or months you are there. etc. Love comes when you aren't looking for it. FALSE Love comes when it's inconvenient for you TRUE.
Author orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Love comes when you aren't looking for it. FALSE Love comes when it's inconvenient for you TRUE. Gawd......that is so true.
Author orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Sorry but I had to laugh at this really guys have just as many issues. Yes they are not the same but we do. I had boobs once as a Guy do you know how insecure that made me feel, yeah pretty ****ing horrible. Sorry about that. Most guys don't have boobs but you don't have a penis and are constantly worried about girl's judging you . Real girls don't think about a guy's penis that much. And it's not the first thing we check out when we see a guy unlike guys, boobs, butts and the face is the first thing they check out when they see a woman. Guys are raised that showing emotion is bad and are told to be made of stone or you are weak. Do you know how difficult that is sometimes? True but you know, it's not VERY different with girls. I spent 11 years in school studying in an all-girls school and I can tell you that I could not really talk about my looks with my friends. It just seems stupid to tell them "Hey my zits make me ugly" I mean, how'd they understand that when they don't have zits themselves? And believe you me, I did have one friend who had them all over her face but she did not feel ugly about herself at all and she didn't think much about boys at the time.
Ross PK Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Usually yes, as most relationships are supposed to just happen naturally. For example you meet someone at work or through friends, you both become friends and then things just happen from there. I guess if this is never happening to you though, then you've got to be more proactive.
Hules Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Just trying to say guys are insecure about things that girls don't care that much about. Girls are generally more concerned about things that guys don't care about. Yes I will admit guys are more focused on how a girl looks then guys but I tell you what. I'm much more interested whats inside that pretty head than physical features, most guys are the same. You don't have to be a super model been nice and friendly goes a long way I would rather be with a average girl who had a really nice personality. Than a smokin hot girl who was a total bitch. Think of it like this, I know I shouldn't objectify women but to explain this I kind of have too. Say there was two girls one who rated say 6-7 on attractiveness the other was a clear 9. Girl that was 6 or 7 has a awesome personality so she becomes a 9 to me. Girl who was a 9 is a total bitch becomes a 0.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 No, it's total crap. The people that say this are good with women, or men.
EmperorR Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I'll somewhat disagree but I'll say this relationships seem to coms to you when you don't CARE. For me it's weird whenever I'm happy as hell being single and not wanting to be in a relationship it's always when I find someone.
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