Author orangelady Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 lets say at any social gathering or event you have between 1% and 5% chance (depending on the event) of meeting someone unattached you share chemistry with. So go to about 10 different things in a month and you have 10% - 50% chance of meeting a potential. Staying home or with the same group of friends your chances are maybe between 0% and .005% You are right. To be honest, I have showed that I was kind of despo in the past, but I don't know what you would considered 'despo'. All I did was ask for their email and added them on Facebook which they rejected. Is that considered desperate? Other than that, I don't 'show' it at all. After getting rejected so much, I totally disconnected myself from guys that I like in real life. I would not want to be around them because I did not want to be rejected when I liked them. It hurts too much. I think you're right, I was debating whether to go to this meet up dinner where I don't know ANYone tonight...and they are all out of my age group (much older) but I thought, what the heck, let's try. Sigh I just hope I don't get ignored totally as they seem to already know each other pretty well. How old are you and what are you doing with your life right now?
irc333 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Yeah, I've noticed that the typical "get together" at a house event or whatever....chances are of someone being there by themselves UNattached, will probably be 0%. I had a married friend invite me to his other friends BBQ party....EVERYONE one there was married...I was the only single person there. It appears that single people avoid traditional gatherings...I bet most times, you'll find actual UNattached people at local small town bars, nightclubs if you're in a bigger city. And that's pretty much it. You are right. To be honest, I have showed that I was kind of despo in the past, but I don't know what you would considered 'despo'. All I did was ask for their email and added them on Facebook which they rejected. Is that considered desperate? Other than that, I don't 'show' it at all. After getting rejected so much, I totally disconnected myself from guys that I like in real life. I would not want to be around them because I did not want to be rejected when I liked them. It hurts too much. I think you're right, I was debating whether to go to this meet up dinner where I don't know ANYone tonight...and they are all out of my age group (much older) but I thought, what the heck, let's try. Sigh I just hope I don't get ignored totally as they seem to already know each other pretty well. How old are you and what are you doing with your life right now?
Cee Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I've come to the conclusion that coupling happens in groups where the common interest is on a deeper level. I've taken a ton of classes and gone to a lot of social meetups and met dozens of people, but never clicked romantically. But then I joined a political meetup group and met three viable prospects in the span of a year of going there regularly. I met my current boyfriend there. The meetup, which is basically a weekly bar discussion/hangout has a high rate of coupling. In fact one of the organizers met his fiancee there. That's because our political persuasion informs a lot of our deeper values. So whatever you value the most, be it spirituality, travel, creativity, intellectual stimulation, etc, then gravitate towards those groups. Go there because you love it there, not necessarily to meet a mate. Follow your passion and maybe there you'll find passion. But I will say, it's tough out there. I despaired after being single for several years and thought it wouldn't happen. But it eventually did.
nezbo Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 You are right. To be honest, I have showed that I was kind of despo in the past, but I don't know what you would considered 'despo'. All I did was ask for their email and added them on Facebook which they rejected. Is that considered desperate? No way, theres no certian action I'd call 'despo'. If you think you have mutual chemistry with someone, then by all means ask for a fb add or phone number. It's just more more about the way you approach your social life either like... 'I am seeking to meet great people' ... or... 'I am looking for a soulmate'. come to think of it, that fb thing totally reminds me of something I did a few weekends ago, drunkly meeting a girl on a late night bus home and asking for her fb... and that is actually a prime example of what I'm trying to curb. I guess when you're trying to get fb accounts and numbers too indiscriminantly thats when it starts to be 'despo'. Some kind of 'chemistry' should already be there before you are trying to start showing any romantic interest I guess.. Guys, just like girls, want to feel special, like you picked them, not like you would just go for anyone who might be keen. I think you're right, I was debating whether to go to this meet up dinner where I don't know ANYone tonight...and they are all out of my age group (much older) but I thought, what the heck, let's try. Sigh I just hope I don't get ignored totally as they seem to already know each other pretty well. Do it! go! who cares if they are older, who cares if they already know each other well, expand your social, its always good. If you get 'ignored', if the night doesnt go so well, dont worry about it. Sometimes it doesnt work out, but the more you expand your social life the more 'options' like this you will get... when you have lots of options you can pick the ones that you think are more likely to fruitful. How old are you and what are you doing with your life right now? I'm 25, I'm a drummer. very passionate about music, very active in the music scene, and thats how I make alot of my social connections. But the girl I'm trying to get at the moment now is from work. Government office. I've come to the conclusion that coupling happens in groups where the common interest is on a deeper level. I've taken a ton of classes and gone to a lot of social meetups and met dozens of people, but never clicked romantically. But then I joined a political meetup group and met three viable prospects in the span of a year of going there regularly. I met my current boyfriend there. The meetup, which is basically a weekly bar discussion/hangout has a high rate of coupling. In fact one of the organizers met his fiancee there. That's because our political persuasion informs a lot of our deeper values. So whatever you value the most, be it spirituality, travel, creativity, intellectual stimulation, etc, then gravitate towards those groups. Go there because you love it there, not necessarily to meet a mate. Follow your passion and maybe there you'll find passion. But I will say, it's tough out there. I despaired after being single for several years and thought it wouldn't happen. But it eventually did. Everything said here is absolutely true, agree completely
Author orangelady Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 come to think of it, that fb thing totally reminds me of something I did a few weekends ago, drunkly meeting a girl on a late night bus home and asking for her fb... and that is actually a prime example of what I'm trying to curb. I guess when you're trying to get fb accounts and numbers too indiscriminantly thats when it starts to be 'despo'. Huh? So you mean I shouldn't ask for numbers or FB adds? I'm confused.... Some kind of 'chemistry' should already be there before you are trying to start showing any romantic interest I guess.. Guys, just like girls, want to feel special, like you picked them, not like you would just go for anyone who might be keen. Chemistry may take a while to build. By the way, I didn't get to go to the dinner tonight. ((( Because I came down with a very bad sinus and I was held up at a study meeting. Thing is, what I'm passionate about don't have groups available. For example, I'm kinda passionate about weird stuff like Facebook, psychology and using media to help people. There are volunteer groups around but for where I live, it's very very hard to connect to people. Usually, people there mean business and its very random. There's not always work to do and you can't really bond with them. I know because I have applied to many volunteer centres. I think I'm really weird, someone just shoot me now. I feel so down today, because of the flu, wondering why I have the flu right when I want to go for the dinner.
nezbo Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Huh? So you mean I shouldn't ask for numbers or FB adds? I'm confused..... keyword: indiscriminately Chemistry may take a while to build.. Yeah it can, and often does. and sometimes it surprises you where it pops up! Thing is, what I'm passionate about don't have groups available. For example, I'm kinda passionate about weird stuff like Facebook, psychology and using media to help people. Sounds like you cant quite pinpoint what you're passionate about yet? All the more reason to get out and about and explore your possibilities. 'psychology and using media to help people' - thats pretty general so im not quite sure how to interpret it, but sounds to me like something that would be very community/group based i.e. the people you're helping... There are volunteer groups around but for where I live, it's very very hard to connect to people. Usually, people there mean business and its very random.. What kind of place do you live? I think I'm really weird, someone just shoot me now. No shooting, just hugs.... **HUGGS** I feel so down today, because of the flu, wondering why I have the flu right when I want to go for the dinner. **ANOTHER HUGGS**
Author orangelady Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 keyword: indiscriminately Sounds like you cant quite pinpoint what you're passionate about yet? All the more reason to get out and about and explore your possibilities. 'psychology and using media to help people' - thats pretty general so im not quite sure how to interpret it, but sounds to me like something that would be very community/group based i.e. the people you're helping... You're right, I guess I should explore more...but I really don't like things like hiking, white wafter rafting, rock climbing, all which are the only active groups around here. What kind of place do you live? Asia, in a capital city. No shooting, just hugs.... **HUGGS** **ANOTHER HUGGS** Thanks, Pup. I wanted to start a group "LonelyHearts*name of my city*Club" but my relative stopped me. She said it was a bad idea considering the crime rate in my city is very high. A lot of foreign men and illegal immigrants prey on women in the city, lots of rape cases here...so that's why I didn't go ahead with it. And it kinda sounds............lame.
refurb Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Care to share what groups you're joining that have all these single women? RF
Author orangelady Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Care to share what groups you're joining that have all these single women? RF lol........ 1) hiking 2) budget traveling
refurb Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 lol........ 1) hiking 2) budget traveling Check and check! Thanks! RF
nezbo Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 You're right, I guess I should explore more...but I really don't like things like hiking, white wafter rafting, rock climbing, all which are the only active groups around here. you're talking about 'organized groups'? that will limit your options. keep an eye out for anything, maybe go to a small local gig (i keep coming back to that because music is my thing) take friend along with the intention of enjoying some local bands/artists you've never heard, and perhaps meeting some new people and getting a foot in the door to a new scene? Asia, in a capital city. There will be heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaps of opportunities then. there will be literally millions of posters up around your city advertizing all sorts of different get togethers, no they wont be "come and meet people" events, they will be events to do with the arts, food ,politics, religion, gaming and everything else under the sun.... go to them. Even if you think you're probably not interested go anyway! You will be surprised Thanks, Pup. I wanted to start a group "LonelyHearts*name of my city*Club" but my relative stopped me. She said it was a bad idea considering the crime rate in my city is very high. A lot of foreign men and illegal immigrants prey on women in the city, lots of rape cases here...so that's why I didn't go ahead with it. And it kinda sounds............lame. You mean an online group or real life? I dont really know how this kinda thing would go down. But DO IT, in addition to getting yourself out there in every other way. what is there to lose? nothing. is it lame? dunno, does it matter? the kinds of people who will respond probably wont think its lame. By the way, how old are you?
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