ChocCheesecake Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 For those of you who are wanting to get out of an unhealthy relationship/situation but are struggling with the associated emotional turmoil, do you ever have moments of clarity where you just feel like you are 100% over the person, are p*ssed at them for treating you badly, and you feel so strong like if they called you or came to see you at that very moment you wouldn't even care? Because while most of the time I am conflicted, sometimes (like right now), I feel totally empowered and I can see the situation for what it is - not worth my time and very unhealthy. And, I don't even care what he thinks about me at this very moment, which is big for me....those of you familiar with my other threads know this is usually in the forefront of my mind. So the question is: how do I keep this clarity from getting fuzzy? I am encouraged that I'm feeling indifference and annoyance right now. I just want it to last.
siuys Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 For those of you who are wanting to get out of an unhealthy relationship/situation but are struggling with the associated emotional turmoil, do you ever have moments of clarity where you just feel like you are 100% over the person, are p*ssed at them for treating you badly, and you feel so strong like if they called you or came to see you at that very moment you wouldn't even care? Because while most of the time I am conflicted, sometimes (like right now), I feel totally empowered and I can see the situation for what it is - not worth my time and very unhealthy. And, I don't even care what he thinks about me at this very moment, which is big for me....those of you familiar with my other threads know this is usually in the forefront of my mind. So the question is: how do I keep this clarity from getting fuzzy? I am encouraged that I'm feeling indifference and annoyance right now. I just want it to last. Hi choc, I am 2.5 weeks into NC and I have had moments of clarity. I am still angry but it's subsiding. I think it's a process, where you will feel strong one minute, conflicted the next. I don't know how long it will take for me, hopefully not too long. My guess is it will be clear/conflicted - two steps forward, one step back kinda thing until you're over it. There are times when I think what if... I remind myself that it is unhealthy and it would be detrimental for me to continue so I keep going though hard at times (like right now). I guess I do have clarity in that regard as in you know deep down it's bad for you and you need to move on and forget about everything but I guess it's not a straight line. Remind yourself what you are gaining (clarity, health, self respect, lessons learnt) rather than what you're losing (a cheating MM who is unable to give you what you want, and probably never will). All the very best.
Flabbergaster Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 For those of you who are wanting to get out of an unhealthy relationship/situation but are struggling with the associated emotional turmoil, do you ever have moments of clarity where you just feel like you are 100% over the person, are p*ssed at them for treating you badly, and you feel so strong like if they called you or came to see you at that very moment you wouldn't even care? I'm in NC now, for better or worse. While still in th A...yes, this happened. You must ACT during the moments of clarity, because they will pass and you will be sucked back in. So the question is: how do I keep this clarity from getting fuzzy? Ever watch the movie Memento? He can only remember past five minutes...so he leaves himself notes for important things. Key phrases. The really important things, he tattoos on his body. "buy razors, shave, hotel is..." Make a PLAN for how you will end it, right now. Written plan, keep it visible. Put away the letters, pictures, and other souvenirs right now, while you can. Write yourself short notes about things that are bad, so you can remember later on. "He will never leave her." "He said he was going to meet me in his office that day but he went running instead; i drove across town for nothing." Things like this. Hide the 'good' stuff that sucks you in, make reminders of the 'bad' visible in your life / house, and start the plan to end it. That's how you can maximize these moments of clarity. GOOD LUCK. Also...read a lot of LS, you'll become even more aware of how bad he is for you and how unique the A magic wasn't. There are times when I think what if... I remind myself that it is unhealthy and it would be detrimental for me to continue so I keep going though hard at times (like right now). I guess I do have clarity in that regard as in you know deep down it's bad for you and you need to move on and forget about everything but I guess it's not a straight line. Hey siuys! Just saw your post in another thread as well. I'm cheering for you, I want you to know that. It gets easier, trust me. Sometimes it gets harder for a day or so...just work through those days; not a straight line at all. Keep reminding yourself that this will hurt LESS than staying with him. Make a sticky note about that for yourself. When you hit a really hard day...just get through it, you will be back to clarity after a couple hours or a day.
siuys Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Thanks, Flabber. Yes, you're right, it's just a day or a few hours and that will pass. From memory you have been in NC for a while now. Well done. I can't wait to get to the point where I can say 'it's been 5 weeks'... thanks again.
SunsetRed Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Most of the time, I feel like you do ChocCheeseCake...I feel over it, and empowered by all I've learned and all the self improvement I've acquired. Now that the time has changed and the weather is warmer, I'm getting out and having more fun to keep the strong feeling alive. If I have a down moment, I just let it ride. I know what my "down" triggers are. A huge trigger for me is trying to date again. Each time I meet/go out with a new person I start to miss the so called "connection" I felt with MM. My plan is to not actively pursue dating. I am however actively pursuing hobbies and fun and if I meet someone by accident I'll be open to it. I'm ready to LIVE. The devastation in Japan has been a wake up call for how short life can be and how quickly one can lose everything they have so I am going to live each day as if it may be my last.
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