Richard Friedman Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Ok, so you chose not to reconcile with your ex-wife who was actually remorseful but your current woman cheats, lies about it poorly and continues to not give away more than she has to and you do nothing but bleat about having a lawyer on speed dial? Why? I'll tell you: desperation of old age and a lack of options. You don't think you deserve or can get anything better, and all this sanctimonious nonsense about "not walking away from a challenge", valuing your marriage etc. is just you trying to rationalize it to yourself. The fact that you buy her story of just kissing at the hotel shows even a supposed smart guy is capable of self-delusion to protect himself from the harsh reality. You're not here for constructive advice; just woman's advice about following your feelings that will reinforce the the facade you're trying to convince yourself of. If you want to see the example of someone who was in your position go lookup the poster allhopeislost. Like you he was spouting some sanctimonious prattle about being strong enough to forgive, giving second chances etc. after he discover his wife boning some black thug. Just go and see how that went.
Richard Friedman Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 P.S. if you're staying for the children, what kind of example do you think you're setting for any sons you might have. That it is good to tolerate low quality disingenuous people in your life? That it is ok to compromise your self respect? Don't blame anyone else when down the road they turn into self-loathing eunuchs who're whipped by their women.
drifter777 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Decimated: I thought you were clear on the motel thing; they went there to have sex - that's why couples sneak off to motels! As I advised you earlier, at least be real with yourself.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Decimated: I thought you were clear on the motel thing; they went there to have sex - that's why couples sneak off to motels! As I advised you earlier, at least be real with yourself. 110% agree, I hope that you are not gaslighting yourself on this. If that is a big detail to you and sits like a lie between you and your wife to this day, um, that is going to bite you in the ass.
JLB Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I hope Decimated returns soon to read this post. Dec..I have been where you are at. I can almost guarantee she is seeing the OM behind your back. If not physically seeing, then she is at least texting (and erasing) and/or calling (and then deleting) when she is out and about. She has just gotten better at the game because you caught on to her since she wasn't covering her tracks well enough. Believe me, this SAME scenario happened to me. Her little new happiness is probably because she still has OM on the side and that makes her happy, and then she has you, the house, the kids, the bank account. She's happy cause her game is working. TRUST me, I have seen this! Please don't turn a blind eye to this. If I were you, I would install a keylogger asap. It was the best $70 I ever spent because then I had proof that I wasn't making all this crap up in my head. Even when he looked and behaved normal, and happy...keylogger told me otherwise. I suppose if you did install the keylogger and then saw nothing for the next 6 months, then you could probably let your guard down. I am almost positive we will see you back here again, with the same scenario happening all over again. She is the same person, just got a little more craftier. GPS did nothing for me either...he didn't go see the OW...but continued an EA on the phone/texting...there was no way to bust him until I got ahold of his cell phone records and couldn't believe how many texts in and out all day long, even on Christmas and other holidays where he looked happy with me and kids, he would go in the bathroom and shoot out a text and then erase it the sent files. He also kept his phone in his pocket...but you said she keeps her's out...she probably has a security code on it..then she doesn't have to worry about if you pick it up...you can't get in anyway. I wish you the best of luck and maybe she is really back in the marriage, but sadly I don't think she is...you are fooling yourself.
wheelwright Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 (edited) sorry I meant to post something else Edited April 26, 2011 by wheelwright
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