iris219 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 And no sarcastic answers please! I know many of you guys are thinking, “I wish some girl would use me for sex,” but pretend that you really liked this girl and wanted a relationship with her. I have a friend who has made it clear that he likes me as more than a friend. (He’s actually used the L word before. Oh god, I can’t even type it!) I’ve made it clear that I don’t like him as more than a friend. He doesn’t understand why I don’t give it a chance. I haven’t because I know it wouldn’t be long term—I like him enough to hang out with him for awhile and I wouldn’t mind having sex occasionally (since I’m not getting any and haven’t for awhile), but I don’t have romantic feelings for him. I’d basically be using him for sex and company--mostly sex, really. I don’t want to hurt him. At this point I can’t say I’m worried about the friendship being destroyed if I slept with him because it’s already strained--I’m sick of having the relationship conversation with him every other time we hang out. So guys, how would you feel if a girl you wanted a relationship with had sex with you, but had no intention of being in a committed relationship with you?
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 What do you think Iris? That guys like being used for sex? The answer is an obvious, I'd be pissed. I wouldn't be even be friends with her.
Leeway Harris Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Nobody likes to be "used" for anything. If your conscience will let you take advantage of his feelings in this way, it's your own karma.
A O Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 So guys, how would you feel if a girl you wanted a relationship with had sex with you, but had no intention of being in a committed relationship with you? In this situation I'd think the guy would be over the moon. And as long as you're upfront about everything, and it appears that you are, then I fail to see where any 'using' has taken place. .
Darren Taylor Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 There's no such thing as using someone for sex. Unless it was rape, the sex was consensual and both parties wanted it. No using is involved.
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 In this situation I'd think the guy would be over the moon. And as long as you're upfront about everything, and it appears that you are, then I fail to see where any 'using' has taken place. . You fail to see where any using takes place? Jesus, you're not very bright, are you? The guy told her he loves her, and instead of reciprocating his feelings, she's going to JUST have sex with him. He won't see it as just sex, he'll think that she loves him back. This is all very simple.
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Honestly, how old are you guys? There's no such thing as using anyone for sex? I feel like nobody except Leeway has read Iris's question for comprehension.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 If a woman was upfront and honest about only wanting to pursue sexual relations with me, I would not mind. If I liked the woman and wanted to pursue a relationship with her, but she only wanted sex was not forthcoming about it, I'd be upset. It's actually happened to me before, and it didn't feel too good.
Author iris219 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 I used the title I did because, apparently, I like using things and because I thought it would get people's attention. I would NOT have sex with this person under the guise of a relationship. I would let him know that I would be willing to have sex for awhile, yet I still do not want a relationship with him. My fear is that he'll agree and say he's OK with it, thinking I'll change my mind (or that he'll change my mind with awesome sex or something). And then he'll be hurt when he sees I haven't changed my mind.
somedude81 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 There is a girl that I am very much infatuated with that I really want to be in a relationship with. But she has made it clear that she wants nothing to do with me. If she told me, "Dude we are never going to be in a relationship for xyz reason. But I'm feeling horny and haven't got any in a while. Would you settle for just being F-buddies?" I would be ecstatic and gladly accept her offer. One part of my infatuation is an overwhelming desire to have sex with her. Sure I would prefer to be in a LTR with her, but just being a FWB is good enough. Of course I would keep searching for the girl who is willing to offer it all. IMO, it's not possible to use somebody if they enjoy it and get something out of it as well.
LovelyJublee Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Well it would make a change from guys using us girls for sex. What goes around comes around...
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 My point is that he won't see it as just sex. He wants a relationship. If he never liked you and the feelings between you and him were mutual (which we already know they're not) I'd be fine with it.
Dust Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 If he’s single and attracted to you of course he’ll agree to it. He’ll be pissed when you find a new guy. My guess is a “friends with benefits” arrangement often ends up with at least one person wanting more. I personally wouldn’t have sex with some one simple for the purpose of having sex. Think about yourself not him. Is this situation really what’s best for you?
TheLoneSock Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 It doesn't feel good. I wouldn't go so far as to say we are impacted by it as much as a girl would be, but it isn't a good feeling none the less.
A O Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 The guy told her he loves her, and instead of reciprocating his feelings, she's going to JUST have sex with him. He won't see it as just sex, he'll think that she loves him back. She's already declared her feelings/intentions. That's all she or anyone ever needs to do. Its up the the other person to decide their own course of action thereafter. Can't say its the wisest thing to do, to sleep with someone who has strong feelings for you, but she certainly isn't being deceptive. .
Titania22 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I used the title I did because, apparently, I like using things and because I thought it would get people's attention. I would NOT have sex with this person under the guise of a relationship. I would let him know that I would be willing to have sex for awhile, yet I still do not want a relationship with him. My fear is that he'll agree and say he's OK with it, thinking I'll change my mind (or that he'll change my mind with awesome sex or something). And then he'll be hurt when he sees I haven't changed my mind. I wonder how you can be so sure, that you won't develop stronger feelings for him if you start having sex with him. Sure, logically he might seem like a bad choice, but emotions are far from logical.
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 She's already declared her feelings/intentions. That's all she or anyone ever needs to do. Its up the the other person to decide their own course of action thereafter. Can't say its the wisest thing to do, to sleep with someone who has strong feelings for you, but she certainly isn't being deceptive. The question was, how do guys feel being used for sex? not Am I being deceptive for having sex with him anyway?
Author iris219 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 If he’s single and attracted to you of course he’ll agree to it. He’ll be pissed when you find a new guy. My guess is a “friends with benefits” arrangement often ends up with at least one person wanting more. I personally wouldn’t have sex with some one simple for the purpose of having sex. Think about yourself not him. Is this situation really what’s best for you? This is what I thought. And, honestly, I'm not dying to have sex with him. I could do it and probably enjoy it, but I'm more than fine not doing it. I believe one reason why this guy likes me so much is because I've been so blunt and honest with him when it comes to not wanting a relationship with him. I assume he's frustrated that I flat out refuse. I've become a challenge for him. Part of me wonders, if we just did it, slept together, if it would make him want me less. I would no longer be a challenge and we could just go back to our platonic relationship. This is probably completely delusional, but it made a tiny bit of sense in my head before I started writing it
Author iris219 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 To clarify: He didn't say "I'm in love with you." He said that I was someone he could see himself falling in love with. I think the two are different, but that could be debated.
somedude81 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Talk to him and see what he thinking about it *somedude81 wishes somebody would use him for sex
CloudLiver Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 haha, you think there's a difference? Why would he say that unless he already has? Who says that to people they consider just friends? Tell you what. Have sex with him and see what happens. You'll never know. Maybe you'll fall in love with him or something. Not trying to be rude, just honest.
A O Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 The question was, how do guys feel being used for sex? not Am I being deceptive for having sex with him anyway? They're one in the same, only the term 'deception' is easier to use. No one can be used, no deception can take place when everyone is in full possession of the facts. And that is the case here. It - being used - really is not the core issue here. The core issue here is whether engaging in sex, or anything for that matter, with someone who has strong feelings for someone but these feelings are clearly reciprocated - is it "wise" to continue seeing this person under those conditions. The answer to this is no. It can be managed, but it is more of a hassle than its worth and these situations rarely end well. .
CloudLiver Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 They're one in the same, only the term 'deception' is easier to use. No one can be used, no deception can take place when everyone is in full possession of the facts. And that is the case here. It - being used - really is not the core issue here. A O, learn to read. One of the questions is directed at guys, while the other is directed at herself. Can you guess which is which? Whether or not she deceives anyone is beside the point. The guy won't see it as sex, he'll think: Yes, she finally loves me! Now we can go out and have a relationship!
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