dispatch3d Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Thread started off kinda train-wreckish. I think you're overreacting to the pictures being deleted, especially by not talking to him first about why. Besides that it's just facebook. If I were him I'd consider suspending the account just to avoid headaches.
chuckles11 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Somewhere you mentioned that your SO is in the military, therefore he doesn't have opportunities to see other women. That is just false. Military guys get access to plenty of women wherever they are stationed. I'm friends with military guys, trust me. I suspect foul play. This is completely false. As someone who spent five years in the military in a combat arms unit I can tell you that there were plenty of times where I had zero access to women. If he's at a normal duty station he has access, but if he's at any sort of field training or deployed he probably doesn't.
SoleMate Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 The only reason I want the pic there is so it shows other people he is in a relationship. Understandable. But....please keep in mind that this choice of yours, shows that you do not trust him to honestly tell people he's in a relationship. And I don't blame you. All the signs show that he is busy trying to get closer to another female, and obviously having your pic on his page with an appearance of gf status will slow that down. With his long absences, the only way this r/s can work is if you both trust the other. And I don't mean blind trust, against the evidence....I mean earned trust, the kind that just naturally grows between healthy people when the words and actions are all consistent and committed. And re the military thing....whoever told you that "military" == "no access to females" is just WRONG. I am sure that some postings.....like an all-male nuclear submarine that stays out for 6 months have LESS access than others, but hey, there are still port calls even for submariners. And my understanding is that wherever our military is deployed, there is the possibility of both U.S. and allied military women, plus local women, plus NGO women, etc. Also, even if he truly is locked in some all-male missile silo in North Dakota for the entire 10 week stretch, he can still be orchestrating an Internet flirtation/seduction. I recommend that you end this relationship. I wouldn't even necessarily say to DUMP him with extreme prejudice, but just end it, because he is not giving you reasons to trust and this obviously and understandably is making you nervous and unhappy. That's all you need to know.
jane100 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 It's not stupid to feel any which way you feel about anything. Feelings make you real. Your interaction with each other is upsetting your happiness (and it sounds like it's upsetting his too). Sometimes it helps to take a break (an hour, a few days, a week, a year, forever) to process those emotions without the complication of having to deal with further conflict with the person you're in conflict with. Take some time out. Switch your phone off. No social media contact. Accept how you feel, process it, let then go, do something fun (have a bath, go for a walk, call a buddy) get yourself back into a strong, calm, self-respecting position. Bear in mind how this scenario made you feel. If you cannot let go, you can take some more time and space to be able to. Think about how to handle similar disappointments in the future. Keep it simple: see things from your perspective; if it annoys you, say so; if it gets complicated, pull back; if he makes excuses / answers things you haven't said that's his problem - not yours. Be your own best friend. In this life you will meet hundreds, thousands of people. The only one who will be there from cradle to grave, is you. Own your own happiness. Take responsibility for your own happiness. Don't let other people's problems become yours. Terrific advice.
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