confused30 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months and we are friends on fb, he works away and can only come home every 10 weeks for a month or so which is hard. I requested him to be in a relationship on fb and he accepted but I have since found out that he has hidden it so the only people that can see it are me and him which didnt make me feel too great. We had an argument a little while back about something and he knew the whole fb thins bugged me as I feel like he is hiding me away. His reasons are that his family have always given him a hard time about being single in the past and he would take girls home and then eventually they would split up and his family would gossip about him and stuff so now he likes to keep stuff to himself, which ok I can kind of understand. However, after this argument I woke up the next day and found he had changed his fb profile pic to one of the both of us which made me really happy, he knew it would and I thanked him for doing it. He only kept it up for about 5 days and then changed it to something else but the photo was still there in his album and i think others would have been able to see it. However, I looked on his page tonight and now it has been deleted altogether and there is nothing of us on his page anymore. I know maybe I am being stupid and childish but this rings alarm bells for me. He hasn't deleted any other pics on there so why the one of us? It hurts a bit as I have been cheated on before and I dont want to be naieve and stupid and have the same thing happen again. I have sent him a couple of emails about it this evening just asking why and whats going on. I was really annoyed and fustrated about it so just shot them off. There is a time difference between us though so he wont get them until the morning. Why would he delete us though? Should I think the worst? Just to put it in context, he is a very loving bf, he tells me im the one for him, he wants to be with me forever, we're made for each other, he will never meet anyone else like me. What am I supposed to think? Am i over-reacting? Can I ask him to put it back on tomorrow? It just made me feel better that other people i.e. girls could see he was in a relationship. I mean what must it look like to people on there now, like we have split up cos he has deleted the only pic of us??
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Confused, if he's playing stupid games like that, dump his ass. There are guys everywhere. Just find someone new. How old are you guys?
Author confused30 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 We are both in our late 20s so we arent young kids and I know maybe something like this shouldnt bother me at this age but I just cant think of any reasonable excuse why he would do it? Its killing me to wait until the morning to talk to him about it. I love him so much, I really thought we were made for each other but stupid stuff like this is making me feel insecure and really doubting our relationship
Legend Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Doesn't sound like a winner. Dump him move on, he's hiding something for sure.
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Call him the next morning, tell him you want stability. Tell him to stop playing games. If he refuses and the games continue, DUMP HIS ASS. Life's too short to waste on a person who doesn't respect you.
Author confused30 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Call him the next morning, tell him you want stability. Tell him to stop playing games. If he refuses and the games continue, DUMP HIS ASS. Life's too short to waste on a person who doesn't respect you. Ok will do, thank you, god i really want to send him another email, lol, its killing me but i dont want to look like a psycho i already sent two, just reall annoyed! I getting late here anyway so will go to bed and try to sleep. Just I know in the morning he will have a go at ME for telling him what he can and cant do on his own page and will make me feel like im in the wrong!
Author confused30 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Oh and what do I do in the morning, do I ask him to add the picture back on?!
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 It's possible he may be cheating. Otherwise, why would he do all that Facebook picture-deleting crap? Don't send anymore emails. He knows he got them.
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 He knows you want the pictures there. I don't think asking to put them up AGAIN will change anything, sorry to say.
Author confused30 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 It's possible he may be cheating. Otherwise, why would he do all that Facebook picture-deleting crap? Don't send anymore emails. He knows he got them. I dont know its only the one picture and yesterday I changed my profile pic to that one pic that he had and the next day he had deleted his. Dont know if that makes any difference. Thing is everyone on his page would have seen it when he made it his profile pic which was only about a week ago so if he was cheating why would have changed his pic to one of us in the first place? I really dont know.
Author confused30 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 The only reason I want the pic there is so it shows other people he is in a relationship. Thats the reason I would ask him to put them up again?
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 You're really stressing out over this. Just dump him and be with someone you don't have to wait every 10 weeks to see.
Author confused30 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 I know I am stressing, thing is I havent met anyone that I feel like I do about him in a long time. I really love him. Its not as easy as just dumping him and moving on.
CloudLiver Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Confused, you're selling yourself WAY to short. Life is not a Hollywood movie. There will ALWAYS be someone else. The hardest truth for anyone to swallow is that there is NO such thing as ONE TRUE LOVE. People fall in love all the time. And the same people fall in love over and over again. When one love dies another will take its place. I never said it would be easy, but you think things will get better? If I had a dime for everytime i've heard that (he'll change, I know he will!), I'd be rich. Trust me.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 10 weeks? Where does he go? I know someone whose ex was always on business trips out of state and he could never answer his phone. It was only discovered later on that he had been juggling two women at the same time; and his so-called ' business trips' were nothing but lies to cover up his tracks when he's with the other woman.
Author confused30 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 He is in the military so it's nothing like that he doesn't get to see other women while he is away
CloudLiver Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 In that case, just do the calling routine we discussed earlier.
kiss_andmakeup Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 He is definitely hiding you. From whom, it's hard to know for sure. If you express how much this concerns you and how much better you'd feel if he would just be open with it (your relationship), and he still goes about making everything about the two of you "private," then he's just a douche. Does his facebook share any of his personal information? Photos of him, where he works, his birthday, his educational history, his phone number or e-mail? I would say if all that is out there for his friends to see (which is not all that uncommon on fb) then it's pretty ridiculous that the one thing he insists on hiding is your relationship. It would be one thing if he was just very "private" and all that was on his facebook was his name, a couple of pictures, and a "wall" or whatever they're calling it these days...but if he's got his whole life on there for all to see, you should be a part of it after 7 months together.
Author confused30 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 He doesn't have that much stuff on it really, he has one album from when he went on holidays with his friends last year, one or two profile pics of himself and then quite a few of his bike that's it. I think he displays his birthday but no work history, educational stuff, hobbies or anything like that. He is also funny about people writing on his wall too much and doesn't really make that many status updates maybe a couple a month. He says it's not what he uses facebook for to broadcast stuff to everyone. He likes to go on and look at pics and videos of bike stuff and then perhaps email and keep in touch with the people he wants to. Just dont know what to think really. Can't think what excuse he can come up with to justify doing it
Author confused30 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 In a way also I think I am being stupid as that picture of us has been up a couple of weeks now so all his friends would have seen it by now anyway. Really if he wanted me completely hidden he wouldn't have put it up in the first place. He said he did it for me because he loves me. He has said before that he is very private on there. I just dont want to be blind to the truth if he is hiding something just cos I love him so much. It just bugs me why he had to take the pic down. Just doesn't seem any need for it if everyone had seen it. He hasn't made any new friends or anything since he put it up
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I dated a guy who did that and it turns out he dated others. Something is off. My current guy, was adding and tagging himself on pictures of us as a couple after 2 weeks.
Lilmisus Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 My biggest concern is why his excuse is about his family, and why it seems like you have yet to meet them. He's hiding you from them, why? To not go through the drama again? If you're "the one" for him, then why aren't you good enough to meet his family and let the world know that you're his? When I'm in love, I want to be able to shout it from the rooftops, and I want the guy to at least be willing to do the same, even if he can't. If he's not, then he's not worth it. Plus, I'm wondering how this picture looked. Was it you two cuddling? Looking lovingly in each others eyes? His arms around you? Or were you just standing there, in a pose that could easily scream that you're just friends? If it was a friendly pose, then he could easily give the excuse "that's a friend of mine" to anyone who asks. I say call him in the morning - no more e-mails! - and tell him that you guys need to have a serious discussion. Tell him that you want to be a full part of his life, meet his family, and let it known to all that you're his girlfriend. Even on Facebook. Tell him that you feel that he's keeping you a secret and that you don't appreciate being someone's secret that they're afraid to let people know about because of drama that it could cause. Give him an ultimatum. Either let his family know about you, and put it on Facebook, and put the pictures back up and don't hide you anymore, or you guys are through and he wont have to pretend to be single any more to his family.
Author confused30 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 He said he took it down as he didn't like the way he looked in it. I find that hard to believe as there are some a lot worse on there. Anyway after some arguing he said he would put it back later if it made me feel better. He did say that I shouldn't be telling him what he can and can't put on his own fb though. Don't know what to think really now. He is making out I have made a big deal out of nothing.
green_tea Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 He did say that I shouldn't be telling him what he can and can't put on his own fb though. Don't know what to think really now. He is making out I have made a big deal out of nothing. That is what these guys do when they are cheating or hiding something - they try to make you feel guilty for questioning them. You didn't really tell him what to do, from what I've read, all you did was say that you were upset that he seems to be hiding his relationship with you. Rather than talking about the photos, I would ask him straight out why is doing that.
Lilmisus Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 He said he took it down as he didn't like the way he looked in it. I find that hard to believe as there are some a lot worse on there. Anyway after some arguing he said he would put it back later if it made me feel better. He did say that I shouldn't be telling him what he can and can't put on his own fb though. Don't know what to think really now. He is making out I have made a big deal out of nothing. I was very recently re-looking through a survey my classmates and I made for our psychology class, it was a relationship assessment test. It reminded me of one of the subjects we were discussing doing the test on (we did it on communication in the end), but one of the suggestions was Facebook. One guy said that people could have higher self-doubt if their partner wasn't willing to put "in a relationship" with them. I said that I did, and wouldn't want to date someone who wasn't willing to change their status. He said though that he never changed his for any girl. That, the world didn't need to know his business, but it didn't mean that he was any less serious about her. I looked at his profile later that day after that class, and he had not a single picture of his girlfriend up there, any status updates concerning her, and sure enough - no Facebook official relationship with her. But, it was easy to see who his girlfriend was because she was always commenting on his wall and his posts, saying cute little things. I'm saying this, because, maybe he's not cheating and maybe he just believes as my classmate does and doesn't see it as the world needs to know, and that it's not a necessary step in a relationship for it to be healthy and happy. Comment on his wall if you aren't already doing so by now, and comment on his status updates with cute little things to let people know that you are romantically involved with him. If he takes these things down, and deletes anything at all to do with you, then something is definitely wrong here, and you need to get out of the relationship asap, since you may just be one of 5 girlfriends of his (which I hope isn't the case).
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