TaraMaiden Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 How 'Self-Compassion' trumps 'Self-Esteem' ....A new wave of research on self-compassion — the ability to treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend or a loved one — has been creeping into the mainstream, aiming to rescue people from the depths of narcissism and unreasonable standards they will never meet. Borrowing principles from Buddhism and mindfulness, the practice demands people be kinder to themselves instead of sizing themselves up against others and beating themselves down Seems we have a pertinent point. Enjoy, one and all.
Author TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 How many people have looked at this.....? So far, 41. And not one comment? That, I find surprising.....
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 How many people have looked at this.....? So far, 41. And not one comment? That, I find surprising..... lol I just read this now. Good point. I always like budhhism and it's philosophies. However, I don't like the need for idol worship.
johan Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I've long thought this. I've posted this kind of thing to people several times, but the ideas don't register with people very much. But I think it's a very important idea, and if you can take it to heart, you can really improve your life.
wuggle Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 How many people have looked at this.....? So far, 41. And not one comment? That, I find surprising..... Jeepers but your impatient In the spirit of being kinder to myself, I think I am going to have a beer
threebyfate Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 They're focusing on the wrong issue. Why are people sizing themselves up against others? They should be goals focused. Decide what they want in life within reason, make a plan, be disciplined and roll with the punches which WILL happen. Be prepared to learn something from each experience and don't give up until you get it. If this means working 160 hours a week to get it, be prepared for that too. And if you're unwilling to do so to get what you want, you most definitely don't want it bad enough. It's "blah, blah, blah" to me when the excuses start coming out.
Author TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 lol I just read this now. Good point. I always like budhhism and it's philosophies. However, I don't like the need for idol worship. Not sure I follow. pardon me if I've offended.... care to elaborate? I've long thought this. I've posted this kind of thing to people several times, but the ideas don't register with people very much. But I think it's a very important idea, and if you can take it to heart, you can really improve your life. I concur. Takes practice though.... Jeepers but your impatient In the spirit of being kinder to myself, I think I am going to have a beer Have one for me! TbF, if you read the article, that's actually exactly what they recommend. I'm surprised you didn't get that..... The notion that it will lead to self-indulgence is something researchers like Dr. Neff have heard time and again. “Whenever you talk about self-compassion now, it’s almost the first thing out of my mouth: ‘It’s not self-indulgence’,” she said. It actually demands a lot of tough love, she said, using the analogy of a mother’s reaction when her child comes home with a failing grade on schoolwork. “If she criticizes him and says “You’re so stupid and will never amount to anything,” that’s not going to motivate him — he’s going to be depressed and take basketball instead,” she said. “But does she say ‘That’s OK, little John, you got an F, we love you anyway’? That’s not healthy either.” A compassionate mother would tell her son an F is unacceptable, but will help him figure out a way to improve the situation and not dwell on the failure.
threebyfate Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 The term "self-compassion" is a misnomer. Keeping up with the Joneses has got to be the dumbest way to live your life.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 They're focusing on the wrong issue. Why are people sizing themselves up against others? They should be goals focused. Decide what they want in life within reason, make a plan, be disciplined and roll with the punches which WILL happen. Be prepared to learn something from each experience and don't give up until you get it. If this means working 160 hours a week to get it, be prepared for that too. And if you're unwilling to do so to get what you want, you most definitely don't want it bad enough. It's "blah, blah, blah" to me when the excuses start coming out. This^^^ I thought self-esteem meant that you didn't size yourself up against others. I think that some of the people who enacted the self-esteem movement missed exactly what it was aiming at. Like a societal blind spot. They weren't trying to tell us that we would be everything we wanted to be just because we showed up. They were trying to tell us that with enough perseverance and dedication, followed by trying a variety of options that we could achieve our goals. It meant that if we were to seperate our inner self as being of value and recognize that that meant we may have to change our behaviours as a means to get where and what we want. Self-esteem was supposed to mean valuing ourselves despite the reactions of others and the world. Valuing ourselves did not mean that we needed to become astrounauts and singers. It meant that we had the ability to take responsibility for our life and actions and make things better for ourselves if we chose. We had power inside of ourselves to change our behaviours and achieve goals. Self-esteem has been used as an excuse to be narcissistic. "I don't care if it affects you, that's me and that's just the way it is, I like to kick puppies on the weekend." That's ridiculous! Part of having a decent sense of self is not acting in a disrespectful way and not taking responsibility for it, that is distinctly contrary to the message!
dreamingoftigers Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Oh yes, self-esteem also meant that even if our goals were unachievable (a 4'9" guy is really really unlikely to be the next Shaq.) that we were okay anyways, that we had options and responsibilities and not to be ashamed of ourselves over outside limitations.
betterdeal Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) Esteem means respect. Self-respect is about paying attention to our self and honouring our own feelings. Part of that is to love oneself. Another part is to be true to ourself. As I progress in developing my self-esteem I am increasingly finding that making life simpler is better for me. Part of making life simpler, of not having things at the back of my mind, is honesty, humility and kindness, resolving what I can as soon as I can, accepting fear and anger and reviewing them afterwards to find out when they are appropriate or based on misunderstanding, and fine tuning my understanding of life as a result. Edited April 4, 2011 by betterdeal
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Self compassion, I took to be, as being kind to yourself. Not beating yourself up for imperfections, because everyone is imperfect. We are all flawed.
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