gemstem Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Hello everyone, I've been single now for over 18months, and although I am told by family, friends, and colleagues that I am an attractive, kind, friendly, funny and good person I still can't seem to meet a decent guy which would lead to something serious. I try not to think about it alot, and keep myself happy, busy, and go out quite alot with friends etc. I have some friends (women) who have been single for years, e.g., 10yrs or more, and they say when one least expects it, it will happen - but 10yrs later they are still single! At the moment I seem to be attracting men that have been through a bad previous relationship and are not looking for committment, are only looking for fun times or no strings relationships. I am keeping them at arms length, but it is getting me down, and my self-confidence is getting low. I'm starting to feeling like I will never meet that special someone. I am 46yrs old and wonder to myself where are all the good single guys my age. What am I doing wrong - am I sub-consciously sending out bad vibes?
Mr.Cairo Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Hello everyone, I've been single now for over 18months, and although I am told by family, friends, and colleagues that I am an attractive, kind, friendly, funny and good person I still can't seem to meet a decent guy which would lead to something serious. I try not to think about it alot, and keep myself happy, busy, and go out quite alot with friends etc. I have some friends (women) who have been single for years, e.g., 10yrs or more, and they say when one least expects it, it will happen - but 10yrs later they are still single! At the moment I seem to be attracting men that have been through a bad previous relationship and are not looking for committment, are only looking for fun times or no strings relationships. I am keeping them at arms length, but it is getting me down, and my self-confidence is getting low. I'm starting to feeling like I will never meet that special someone. I am 46yrs old and wonder to myself where are all the good single guys my age. What am I doing wrong - am I sub-consciously sending out bad vibes? Nah, those guys are enjoying their lives, having fun with nothing serious to it. Why don't you try some? It's obvious that this is bringing you down. Plenty of good looking guys your age can give you a good time if you let them. Just let it flow and don't worry about 'commitment'.
ReturnToSender Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Personally Ive found that my problem is in seeing guys that I know I didnt really have an interest in, in the thought to give them a chance and see where things go. In truth, my heart wasnt in it and it was over before it began... I was purposely seeing guys that wouldnt last because I wasnt ready for it. Its true I believe that it happens when you least expect it....in every single case where I met a guy I started seriously dating, I met him when I wasnt looking, didnt want anyone, didnt have anyone in my mind or heart and was enjoying being single.
kalikula Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I disagree with Mr. Cairo's advice and in fact I think it's quite misguided. Why would you try something with someone knowing that they upfront tell you that they're not looking for something real or committed, when you are? That is just asking for disaster when you both immediately have different goals in mind. Most often you will probably end up falling for one of these guys and they will not be interested in a serious relationship. What a waste! Personally even if I say that I just want to have fun, I am an emotional person and would probably want more after awhile. There's nothing wrong with that, but you should not try to be someone you're not. I don't really have too much good advice but at 46 you'd probably expect most guys to either be divorced, married, or uninterested in the commitment thing altogether, just my personal opinion.
Legend Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 You could always go to a nice bar and approach the men you find attractive. Talk to them, and see where it goes. Don't always be waiting to be approached. It's not the 90's anymore.
musemaj11 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 If I were a single woman over 40, I would just resign myself to the fact that I would probably die alone.
Legend Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 If I were a single woman over 40, I would just resign myself to the fact that I would probably die alone. That's just ****ed up Musema.
SxB Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 (edited) Hello everyone, I've been single now for over 18months, and although I am told by family, friends, and colleagues that I am an attractive, kind, friendly, funny and good person I still can't seem to meet a decent guy which would lead to something serious. I try not to think about it alot, and keep myself happy, busy, and go out quite alot with friends etc. I have some friends (women) who have been single for years, e.g., 10yrs or more, and they say when one least expects it, it will happen - but 10yrs later they are still single! At the moment I seem to be attracting men that have been through a bad previous relationship and are not looking for committment, are only looking for fun times or no strings relationships. I am keeping them at arms length, but it is getting me down, and my self-confidence is getting low. I'm starting to feeling like I will never meet that special someone. I am 46yrs old and wonder to myself where are all the good single guys my age. What am I doing wrong - am I sub-consciously sending out bad vibes? You can have whatever you want age is no factor, but I am not all that convinced that you will find the happiness you seek by finding a serious relationship, so try this: Stop trying to find a husband, try to just find some one to date. Date them, take it one day at a time. If thing's continue to work out in later years then ask yourself if they are some one you want to spend the rest of your Life with, until then any man you meet shouldn't be taken too seriously. Edited April 2, 2011 by SxB
Author gemstem Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Nah, those guys are enjoying their lives, having fun with nothing serious to it. Why don't you try some? It's obvious that this is bringing you down. Plenty of good looking guys your age can give you a good time if you let them. Just let it flow and don't worry about 'commitment'. You're suggesting I do the same as the guys? Jeez!! I know what I want - and will not contemplate being used sexually. Thanks for sharing your opinion, but no thanks - it's not the route I want to take.
Author gemstem Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 If I were a single woman over 40, I would just resign myself to the fact that I would probably die alone. All I can say to your comment is; thankfully not all of us have such pessimistic views.
Author gemstem Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Thanks to All for your opinions. I think SxB's opinion hits home the best; You can have whatever you want age is no factor, but I am not all that convinced that you will find the happiness you seek by finding a serious relationship, so try this: Stop trying to find a husband, try to just find some one to date. Date them, take it one day at a time. If thing's continue to work out in later years then ask yourself if they are some one you want to spend the rest of your Life with, until then any man you meet shouldn't be taken too seriously. I can relate to this, and will put it into practice. Cheers everyone.
orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Hello everyone, I have some friends (women) who have been single for years, e.g., 10yrs or more, and they say when one least expects it, it will happen - but 10yrs later they are still single! Check my other post I posted today about "looking" or not looking. Some of them also said that nothing happened even when they were not looking or expecting. A lot of people throw in quotes like "Don't look, it will only happen when you least expect it" just to suit what happened to THEM. But not everyone's life is the same. You can't not just do anything and expect a man to fall on your lap. I know it has happened to some but not all. Look at your girlfriends, 10 years and nothing...
orangelady Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 You're suggesting I do the same as the guys? Jeez!! I know what I want - and will not contemplate being used sexually. Thanks for sharing your opinion, but no thanks - it's not the route I want to take. Yeah it does seem like Mr Cairo's comment was referring to sex. I'm glad you are wise, gemstem.
ascendotum Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 If I were a single woman over 40, I would just resign myself to the fact that I would probably die alone. musemaj (you harsh bast@rd ) has half your answer for you. For the other half we would have to meet you in person or get more info to determine what might be going wrong for you. [I don't really have too much good advice but at 46 you'd probably expect most guys to either be divorced, married, or uninterested in the commitment thing altogether, just my personal opinion.] Fits in with mausemaj's brutal assesment. SxB + Legend gave good advice, and despite your rejection of it, I also thought Cairo did as well. I dont believe spending fun times together with a guy you get on well with to be a waste of time even if it does not result in forever after. Some people might consider when their old, its better to regret something they did than something they didn't do. Having a guy come in an drop a load and then say see you same time next week when he walks out the door, is being used sexually. Having guys spend time taking you out to dinner, out for some drinks, day at the races, trip out to the country markets, etc, then a night of hot sex where you get your rocks off, is that being used. Is sex just a one way street for you? I don't know if cairo was necessarily talking strictly about sex. Spending fun times with a woman you dont want to spend your life with can revolve around more than just the bedroom. Not all guys over 40 want a just a f*ckbuddy. Plenty still want to go out and have fun, but its just that their 'soul mate' is not necessarily going to be a women in her mid 40s.
SxB Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 Thanks to All for your opinions. I think SxB's opinion hits home the best; I can relate to this, and will put it into practice. Cheers everyone. Good luck and have fun.
stepka Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 gemstem, I'm older than you and I've come to the conclusion that things just happen more slowly for us. People are always telling me that I'm extremely attractive and I'm looking around me and wondering where is the evidence, but then it occurred to me that I'm much pickier these days and less likely to put up with personality traits that I know I can't live with and they're probably like that too. The upside is that men treat us with more respect and the downside is that they're much less likely to come over and talk to us when we're out but it can happen--just don't get too impatient. (Yeah, I'm having to tell myself that too.)
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