superb Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I do though and I cannot help it. Two weeks ago today my bf of 3 months came over, we watched a movie..ate, hung out and he didn't feel well so he had to go home. I'd been having strange vibes from him but I had blamed it on our busy work schedules and lives, etc. As far as I was concerned at that point, him and I had it great. Wonderful communication, a lot of compassion and care for one another, and a lot of making plans for the future. He made me happy, I was happy and proud to be part of his life, despite his issues...I'd decided that I cared for him enough to help him cope with things and be there for him through whatever he needed. Okay anyway, two weeks ago after he left I called him out on my weird feeling, in a text I said.."I'm getting off vibes from you, is everything okay?" and immediately he said, "I don't feel the same about us as I used to"...I elaborated and he mentioned sexual attraction, which had been mentioned in the past BUT he said it was a problem he'd been having with his sex drive and asked me to please bare with him while he gets his health in order. (which I had no problem with) So I called him because I wasn't going to let him break up with me via text and what he said to me was very weird, he said.." I love you, you're my best friend. I've never met someone as great as you, you're like the most caring, loving woman I've ever met...but I don't find you attractive". (ouch) I reminded him that we'd talked about this before and since it's really his issue I don't know what I can do about it, and that I thought he was making a terrible mistake by leaving me and that one day he'd regret it. He didn't say much else, just insisted he knew he was making the right decision and I told him I won't beg a man for anything and he let me go. We have not talked in two weeks, I did have a weak moment and I text him on the 10th day to let him know I'd been thinking of him and I was concerned about how he was doing. I guess my problem is, I don't understand what he meant...I know what he said but what'd he mean? I'm confused about how he just flipped the script on me and why. I miss him and I'm very bummed out. WIsh I could forget him like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless MInd...but I can't.
Thatguyintx Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Sex for men is a physical thing. We feel it as a physical connection. From what I understand, it's an emotional connection for a woman. He seems to be telling you that he is not feeling your "hotness" anymore. He doesn't just have that pure animal desire for you. Let me ask before going further, how old are both of you? He certainly sounds young.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Oh jeepers, this one's just odd. To lose sexual attraction in the first 3 months? Just let this one go the way of the world..... It isn't you. He can figure it out later.
Author superb Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 I keep thinking there must be something wrong with him but I admit I am feeling VERY insecure and unhappy with myself now. Hoping that will go away, but it's been two weeks and I still miss him and this still bothers me everyday. I kinda thought maybe he's in love with an ex still, he talked about her alot. Or maybe he's gay? It's just baffling.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 One of life's mysteries.... But since you can't do an empirical study on it, just get back in the game soon and don't let it muck with your mind. If that is your profile pic, you shouldn't have any worries. Let him worry about himself and his sexual stuff. He might have more issues then you think. Perhaps you dodged a bullet.
Author superb Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 that is me, and thanks...I think you're right, there were many red flags and I chose to ignore them. He constantly talked about an ex, wouldnt let me come to his apartment....admitted he suffers from depression, anger issues etc. I guess I'm just all jumbled up and stuck in the emotional aspect of it. Miss him and his friendship, then on the other hand..no friend of mine would ever be so mean. He was a fake and a fraud and for that I should just hate him. I think he's a serial dater, he has profiles on more than one dating website and all of them say a bunch of untrue bs about his life. I'm better off, I won't text him again or try to make contact at all. NEXT as they say.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Don't forget to figure out why you ignored the flags and don't do that again.
Author superb Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 I been thinking about that, I guess I ignored my own instincts because I'd like to believe in love, that it exists for me. And I'm probably passive aggressive and too nice to men also. Fail!
Thatguyintx Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Agree with Dreaming, you are very attractive. You will get your sense of normal back. Right now you are still working through his stuff. You DID dodge a bullet.
Author superb Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 It's irritating though and nagging on my mind, wish it would stop...like poof and be gone. I know I'll be okay, life could always be worse...just the pain of such harsh rejection has me down. I guess grief and mourning for our friendship is a normal process. And thanks!
Thatguyintx Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 It's irritating though and nagging on my mind, wish it would stop...like poof and be gone. Don't we all wish that! It will pass in time.
Author superb Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Then I'll be thanking the universe that he is out of my life! Like everyone who is suffering with a break up. It all means something, and will lead us to where we NEED to be. Gotta have faith.
Tybalt Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 You are a lovely lady. And it sounds like you were kind, giving, and patient with him. I can relate to what you're saying. Out of the blue, the guy I was seeing broke it off with me last night. He'd asked me to go to a party with him later that night, just hours before he called to tell me he was ending it. I don't think it was a physical attraction or disfunction thing with him, but he couldn't tell me why concretely, just that he was missing a feeling he was expecting or looking for in someone he would consider marrying (and that's what we are both seeking, marriage). He said he felt it before with me, but not anymore. We'd only been together about a month. Like you, I feel really rejected. It is so personal when someone you care for and are willing to move forward with suddenly doesn't want you anymore. It is a grief process for sure, but in the case of breakups, especially ones like ours, I think it is the ego blow that is the hardest to overcome. It strikes at the core of who you are. It isn't a boss criticizing your work, or someone thinking the shirt you bought is ugly. It is someone you have been vulnerable and open with, and shown yourself to in totality, telling you that now that they've gotten to know you, they don't want you. Ouch! But I try to remember that it is not all about missing the person, but this ego damage that needs repair and reconciliation. I have a thought that his putting it on you that he isn't attracted enough to you physically may be the only way he can deal with his own ego about his disfunction in the bedroom, if he is having real problems with that. It is unfair and immature and blaming, but it might be how he is coping. Whatever the reasons or issues for the breakups, hopefully we can both embrace that we deserve to be with partners who truly want us and love us, and are willing to make the effort to invest.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 It's irritating though and nagging on my mind, wish it would stop...like poof and be gone. I know I'll be okay, life could always be worse...just the pain of such harsh rejection has me down. I guess grief and mourning for our friendship is a normal process. And thanks! It triggered an insecurity, that's all. That will hop around your brain for a little bit.
turokturok5 Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 hey, im in a similar situation as you, exept when i finally saw the red flags i questioned her about it and it wasn't a friendly, concerned questioning, i got pretty angry and asked her over the phone since i had been waiting at my house for her and her friends to come over (we were all going out somewhere) and the next time i called her to ask where she was (she was late) they had decided to go have a girls night without telling me, so she pretty muched used that as an excuse to dump me, said i was too self-centered exept to be honest i cared about her more than i cared about myself, i notice thats an issue now though! But anyway, if i can give you any advice it's to not obsess about it and you'll get over it quicker. It's been 2 months since she dumped me, we only dated 2 months and im still hurting, but only because i obsessed - analysed everything she did and said as a hope that maybe she still wanted me (kept posting on here for advice, kept hearing the same thing "GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON") didn't listen though, it's best just to listen to peoples advice on here and forget about the ex.
Author superb Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 I can relate to what you're saying. Out of the blue, the guy I was seeing broke it off with me last night. He'd asked me to go to a party with him later that night, just hours before he called to tell me he was ending it. I don't think it was a physical attraction or disfunction thing with him, but he couldn't tell me why concretely, just that he was missing a feeling he was expecting or looking for in someone he would consider marrying (and that's what we are both seeking, marriage). He said he felt it before with me, but not anymore. We'd only been together about a month. Sorry to hear you're going thru a break up too. And you are right, being 100% real with someone and being crapped on for who you are hurts. You'd think people would appreciate real ness more than they do. I believe in the NC rule and followed it til day 10. He didn't reply so there will be no more texts, and he's been deleted from my FB since day one of this break. We do deserve better! And with all these little lessons we keep learning, hopefully we'll get what we deserve eventually! Good luck to you!
Author superb Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 But anyway, if i can give you any advice it's to not obsess about it and you'll get over it quicker. It's been 2 months since she dumped me, we only dated 2 months and im still hurting, but only because i obsessed - analysed everything she did and said as a hope that maybe she still wanted me (kept posting on here for advice, kept hearing the same thing "GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON") didn't listen though, it's best just to listen to peoples advice on here and forget about the ex. Easier said than done as you know! Everyone I know rationally says he is wrong, mean spirited and someone I don't want or need. But I don't see it yet, I'll get there eventually. Missing someone that is still alive and going on with life and forgetting about you is difficult. It sucks actually. I'm workin on it tho, I'm gonna focus on something else when I think of him, like giving advice that I'll eventually learn how to take myself. lol. good luck to you! hope you feel better soon.
Author superb Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 I wish I wouldn't have but I searched on this dating website and found him. A new profile, saying how he's willing to try again. ugh, it's been only two weeks....I feel like I'm going to throw up. WHAT A JERK!
butterfly2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 OH wow you dodged a bullet. He sounds crazy to say the least and you are normal. Don't try to take care of crazy people, they will make you think you are crazy too. Keep being you. Being nice isn't a failure... someone will love you for who you are. He doesn't love himself so he cannot love and appreciate you. Always trust your gut..... See the red flags and let go when you do. Advice I need to take too.. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Don't let what he said hurt you.... I think he does sound gay.... hee hee
Author superb Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 OH wow you dodged a bullet. He sounds crazy to say the least and you are normal. Don't try to take care of crazy people, they will make you think you are crazy too. Keep being you. Being nice isn't a failure... someone will love you for who you are. He doesn't love himself so he cannot love and appreciate you. Always trust your gut..... See the red flags and let go when you do. Advice I need to take too.. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Don't let what he said hurt you.... I think he does sound gay.... hee hee aww see now it is nice and comforting to me to hear/read kind words from people who do and who do not even know me, makes me feel alot better. Thank you! I really mean that too. When I saw his singles ad today I laughed because all that he wrote about himself is bullsh*t. Too bad I couldn't edit it for him and say the truth about "who" he is. The more I think about him the more I realize that he doesn't even know who he is and he's insecure and lost. What a super douche bag...boy do I know how to pick em. lol
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