Mixed28 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I feel when we are in a relationship we are more happy when compared to being single and happy (assuming your in a healthy relationship). Before meeting my ex I was pretty happy but in the relationship I was high on happiness. It was so great then it is taken away from you. Your endorphins are through the roof and when the source is taken away it hits us like the withdrawal from hell. And its not like you can go get in a relationship with the snap of your fingers. Sure you can go get a rebound but thats a quick fix that won't last. I worked out like no other because I was tired of being skinny and to get some of those endorphins back. But after being in this relationship that ended four months ago (my first real relationship) its like I know what I am missing. Don't get me wrong it's not like being single is depressing and sad and so on but my god being with a girl I adore was amazing. being single now is like meh. How do you guys feel? Feel the same way?
Ginger Beer Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Can understand what you're saying. With me I was semi-relieved but still heartbroken, my stomach was in knots quite often in the relationship and I wasn't eating much because I was thinking of her all the time (not sure if it was because I was worrying, she put her ex before me a lot which made me jealous). At the moment I'm happy I'm moving on but there are times I feel weak still, especially when I see things from her city (we don't live in the same area), things remind me of her all the time but I'd say it's slowly getting easier. I'm glad it happened though because I've learned to spot red flags and she showed me how happy you can be when you have someone you truly care about, I never experienced that before.
Author Mixed28 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Can understand what you're saying. With me I was semi-relieved but still heartbroken, my stomach was in knots quite often in the relationship and I wasn't eating much because I was thinking of her all the time (not sure if it was because I was worrying, she put her ex before me a lot which made me jealous). At the moment I'm happy I'm moving on but there are times I feel weak still, especially when I see things from her city (we don't live in the same area), things remind me of her all the time but I'd say it's slowly getting easier. I'm glad it happened though because I've learned to spot red flags and she showed me how happy you can be when you have someone you truly care about, I never experienced that before. It's like being single is not the same.
Ginger Beer Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Well I suppose, but it takes time doesn't it? I agree with you though. One thing I think about to try and make me feel better is all the sexy, young single women I can try and talk to, or am free to date etc. I feel that a world of opportunity has opened up for me.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 It has a lot to do with the limbic system in your brain and how you bond. The limbic system starts to release the happy chemicals when you experience the stimulus specific to your mate, the sight or smell of them for instance. When your mate and you break-up, your brain actually goes through an injury and withdrawal. Just like when you quit and addiction. It takes up to six months for the limbic system to achieve a "new normal" and regulate properly. The trauma with cheating is even worse Often the limbic system will swell, that's depression and it can push on other areas of the brain that surround it, that causes the physical symptoms accompanied with depression. Break-ups suck
fleur_de_me Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 But after being in this relationship that ended four months ago (my first real relationship) its like I know what I am missing. Don't get me wrong it's not like being single is depressing and sad and so on but my god being with a girl I adore was amazing. being single now is like meh. How do you guys feel? Feel the same way? Oh Mixed, I know EXACTLY what you are saying, this is completely how I feel. I have always enjoyed my life, but when I was with my ex, all of a sudden I'd reached a new plane of happiness. It was amazing, even doing nothing with him was so fulfilling, it was like I didn't need anything else in my life. When I lost that, my life tumbled down to earth, and yeah, I know exactly what I'm missing. I have a lot of great things in my life now, but there is a piece of it I can't have, and there's nothing I can do about it. It is a hole I can't fill on my own, I want companionship and love with another person. I want to share my life again. I think that's normal, that is how we were designed, we are not solitary beings. I just hope that if I am patient and continue to work on myself and live my life, that I will find that again. I pray for that everyday...
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 That's a very good post. Thanks. Your brain controls so much of your destiny, I like learning about it.
Author Mixed28 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Oh Mixed, I know EXACTLY what you are saying, this is completely how I feel. I have always enjoyed my life, but when I was with my ex, all of a sudden I'd reached a new plane of happiness. It was amazing, even doing nothing with him was so fulfilling, it was like I didn't need anything else in my life. When I lost that, my life tumbled down to earth, and yeah, I know exactly what I'm missing. I have a lot of great things in my life now, but there is a piece of it I can't have, and there's nothing I can do about it. It is a hole I can't fill on my own, I want companionship and love with another person. I want to share my life again. I think that's normal, that is how we were designed, we are not solitary beings. I just hope that if I am patient and continue to work on myself and live my life, that I will find that again. I pray for that everyday... Yeah it sucks. Makes it worse is that most people at my university are in relationships and my cousins have no problem finding someone.
Ginger Beer Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Thanks. Your brain controls so much of your destiny, I like learning about it. How? I'm intrigued.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Think about it, Your brain circuitry shapes your day to day urges and therefore your body. Your brain contains the mood and sensory centers. Damage to the brain alters most life paths. Speech and motor ability are run by the brain. Autonomic function is run by the brain. Memories are stored there making up the template for which we live our lives. Most of who we are is because of the information that goes into our brains and how we process it. Thoughts become words, actions etc.
Ginger Beer Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Makes sense I suppose. Would you say if you think negative you will have a negative life? Because I want to think positive but it's hard Sorry for hijacking your thread, OP.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Makes sense I suppose. Would you say if you think negative you will have a negative life? Because I want to think positive but it's hard Sorry for hijacking your thread, OP. Timeout OP Check out The Flip Side and Change Your Brain Change Your Life. Optimism helps the brain stay healthier. After the amazing cluster-****ing I have been through over the last 2 years I have come to realize that everything (virtually everything) in life that is thrown your way can be viewed as a blessing or a curse, you may need to change your angle slightly to see it, but it is true. Look at every brick wall as an experience to learn from, and you will be able to figure out how to climb over it. I am not saying that it is easy. But nothing ever worth it was easy.
depplover_1980 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I am genuinely very happy as a single person but I think you have to really give yourself time as a single to fully appreciate it; now it's something I am actually reluctant to change because my life works so well for me. Oh and dreamingoftigers, that is a lovely new pic!
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I am genuinely very happy as a single person but I think you have to really give yourself time as a single to fully appreciate it; now it's something I am actually reluctant to change because my life works so well for me. True. Oh and dreamingoftigers, that is a lovely new pic! Hee hee thanks, she's so cute
depplover_1980 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Hee hee thanks, she's so cute Yes very cute, that is one that will always give you love back and keep you happy...
Recommended Posts