DarkAngel7 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Okay so I posted in the break up section although I don't know if that was right. I was seeing a guy for about 9 months. It started out, and he really wanted to take it to the next level. I wasn't ready due to past experiences and where I was in life. It had nothing to do with not liking him enough, but other issues I wanted to work out before I got serious with someone. It didn't stop him from coming around, and to be honest we acted like bf and gf. He told me he considered me that still... We were completly exclusive from day one, he called me every day, would always come to see me. It was no different than a relationship besides me not letting it be called that I know it's dumb looking back, but I thought it would help me control it more. I had a lot of messed up things happen to me in my past and I wanted to make this relationship right. I wanted to control the speed but we were so into each other that it seemed it didn't make a difference. He started to cool off, he says because of the rejection. He was ready to take it to next level and said that I was affraid. He kept telling me that he didnt like that I was affraid because he wasn't. He knew I had what he wanted. With the cooling off I became insecure, I started to wonder why it changed...to make a long story short I started becoming very difficult to deal with. I kept questioning him and he was so uncomfortable because his crazy ex did that all the time. He was worried and said he didn't want me to turn into her because he saw me as so much better. Well I kept snapping etc. And the more I did that the more he lost trust in me. He started walking on eggshells wondering what I would flip out about. I suggested maybe we should take time apart and NO it wasn't to break up with him. I wasn't going to get with other guys, it was for me because I started therapy for my past issues and wanted some time just to feel better and get myself out of that hole. I knew I could do it. He said ok, but like he contacted me after that and wanted to see me etc. I told him no, then another time he asked again and I snapped wondering why would he see me now? If he is going to be all distant than why should he come around me? I was trying to solve the issue but he didn't see it that way. I gave in and let him come. I didn't argue at all, I didn;t want to. We chilled and everything had a good time. Next day I get upset that he didnt say anything so I snapped with my insecurity. I told him he didn't treat me right etc and said VERY mean things. I was soooo upset. Later on he seemed to get over it and said he wished I was over there with him. He told me he did care about me but my behavior was crazy. He loved the me without the crazyness and now it seemed to be getting more and more. I found this site, got some advice. I apologized to him, which he accepted. It wasn't right of me to cross the line and say such mean things! With what I said to him I didn't even respect a warm response. He accepted it, told me he cared. Tried to be normal and tell me about his day...even called me and told me to have a great day. I said thanks. At that point I decided its all or nothing. Either we part ways, or this thing is going to be fixed. I called him no answer, so i texted him. He told me he wasn't trying to argue. He was overwhelmed by other things going on in his life(yes he is going thru a lot). I understood that. So I felt you can't force someone to discuss something if its not the time. I felt good enough that I reached out and opened up those doors. I decided after that go NC. I don't want to bother him, after what I said, what hes going through...I could see why hes distant. He assured me theres noone else, and hes not doing wrong. The next night I was asleep he texted me "sorry I am just so overwhelmed thats why I didn't feel like I could discuss things" then he told me how he Couldnt sleep...so I guess he was thinking a lot. I gave the guy space, its been a few days NC not because it is a break up but I don't want to force anything to work. I will let him deal with his issues, and to be honest it did me good. I have had the past couple of days to think a lot, realize certain things. See what my issue is and work even more on it. I am doing it for myself, hes like an added bonus. If it doesn't work I wont want to die etc. I care for him so much and we both deserve the best (How we were before the fights). Am I doing the right thing? Do you think he will reach out when its time? I am in no rush at all because like I said it has been doing be good. I miss him, but my emotions are more rational and this is the longest we haven't talked, so its like a little vacation. I can see much clearer. Is NC too cold? I feel because I reached out before, and then he told me what he is going through that he deserves to have time alone. So do I. Let me know how you guys see this situation....
TryTryAgain Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I am in no rush at all because like I said it has been doing be good. I miss him, but my emotions are more rational and this is the longest we haven't talked, so its like a little vacation. .... I think you answered your own question there. If you're in no rush, then continue NC. I think that will do two things: 1. Allow him to deal with his own personal situation and let him clear his head. 2. Let you see how your feelings may change over the course of a few weeks. It sounds like you're handling NC very well. He may reach out in a few weeks, but if he doesn't then I think it would be appropriate for you to reach out and see how he's doing, but I wouldn't push the relationship at all. A few days definitely isn't enough time to let you both let things soak in.
Author DarkAngel7 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 I woke up and had a text and missed call from him in the morning. I called back, it was kind of weird. He said it was nice to hear my voice, asked how I am. He said hes doing great. He had to go and asked if it was ok to call and text me later. Like 2 min after we said bye, I got a text saying "I want you to know I miss you a lot baby" What to make of this? I know he went out last night which is fine, although I didn't go out I was with friends. For some reason it made me feel a little bad that he was downtown last night and made it sound like hes doing so great. I'm like hmm maybe hes better without me?
TryTryAgain Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 So have you heard anything since the text? It's obvious he's thinking about you, but it's not clear what his motivations are. Perhaps he's feeling guilty about not having been in contact for a few days?
Author DarkAngel7 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 Last night he asked me if I could speak? I couldn't, I was busy so I responded a while later. He then started asking what I was going to be up to because He wanted to see me. He started saying how sweet I am. He's in the process of getting a new place, and talked about me cooking him my cultural meals(I am persian american born). He kept saying how much he wanted for that to happen. I told him I was tired so he just ended with a goodnight baby.
Author DarkAngel7 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 The next day he said how he didn't want to reach out that week because he knew I was mad and didn't want to make it worse. He also said he was really busy. I acted pretty indifferent. I mean, it's obvious that he was hurt about the things that I said. I didn't expect for him to reach out right away. I let him know I was being pushed further away by certain actions, and he said that's opposite of what he wants. He wants to bring me closer to him. He asked if I was up for going on a date to this japanese restaurant I had been wanting to check out. We didn't really set a date... He mentioned how he doesn't want me to be with another guy? That was sunday night, havn't heard from him. We basically ended it, by me saying yes I know I made some mistakes. I overreacted about certain things. That being said I am not going to control this relationship any longer. If you want me you know where I am, and you know what you need to do. He said he didn't want to lose me, and that he knows...he said he wasn't sure what I meant by "you know what to do" but that he would figure it out. We said goodnight and that was it. I am not really as emotional about this whole situation at all. Just wondering what is going on with him?
Trovador Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 As I see it, it's "what is going on with you?" The guy's been upfront since the beginning, it's you who have refused a relationship with him, and you are entitled to that... what I don't get is why have you been stringing him along all this time? If you didn't a rl with him, you should have let him go long ago... I am surprised how cool he has handled all that rejection and have stood by you... Unless I am missing something here...
Author DarkAngel7 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Trovador...its not that I didn't want it. It is complicated but I had a lot of really crazy/traumatic things happen to me before I met him. I felt it wasn't right for me or him to just start a relationship. But since the connection was so strong, I couldn't control it. I thought I could dictate the speed but it just grew more and more each time. Now I guess I don't know what's going on. He is talking about our future etc. but I havn't heard from him. Maybe he is still hurt from what I said/thinking. I can def. understand that...I try to put myself in his shoes and I don't think I would've been able to put up with certain things. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't throwing me crumbs or w.e. By talking about future events, saying he misses me etc. but he still hasn't contacted me as much as he used to.
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