YssaBoo Posted April 4, 2004 Posted April 4, 2004 What is it with all these people going through the same thing? For the past 3 days my ex has been emailing me about this guy at the Y who kept following me.He keeps saying let me hook you up and going on and on.I finally told him yesterday to stop and I wouldn't ask him anymore why he is so depressed.He emailed me back avoiding the question and asked me to go to a movie. While in the car he was very quiet,than he started in on this guy again,arggh.He asked me why I wouldn't consider it and I said because. He never said anymore and started talking more after that. Should I tell him I want him back or just wait and see how it goes?The last time I told him how I felt he broke up with me. I have never had an ex who keeps calling and taking me places unless he wanted to try again. Come on guys,I need help.Should I email him and tell him things on my mind or just wait. I really want him back as my bf,but I don't want to scare him away again. He has not dated anyone since the b/u and neither have I.I want to go up and just give him a big hug and tell him everything will be OK.Do you think that is too much? please advice!!
sportsloving Posted April 4, 2004 Posted April 4, 2004 Did you two agree to be just friends after you broke up? Maybe he isn't hooking up with anyone til he makes sure you do? And it appears if he is trying to push you to this other guy, he wants you to start dating (so perhaps he can also??). If you told him once how you felt and it scared him, I don't know that telling him now is the answer. But to give a hug and say things will be ok, hmmm doesn't sound awful. You can always tell him how you feel... but you have to be willing to accept what may happen (he might not talk to you, he might stop hanging out). Spend more time with him, politely tell him to quit trying to hook you up, and perhaps after some time he will figure out he wants to be with you. Best wishes~
Author YssaBoo Posted April 5, 2004 Author Posted April 5, 2004 I told him the night we broke up that I couldn't be just a friend to him and he said later in the car that he went weak in the knees. That is one thing I will not do it is too hard. The thing is that he goes with his other friends inc.girls in groups to the mall and just a bunch of guys when they hang out. I am the only one that he goes alone with.I think that is why it is so hard to deal with.Ijust wish he would tell me his feelings and start living again. A friend of mine, in his early twenties, told me he went through the same thing at that age.He said there are feelings there,it's just the mess in his family right now and he needs to deal with that first.That is why he is trying to find another guy for you,someone better than him.He thinks he is a loser,and he said he knows the feeling from personal experience. My ex's dad was in prison for 2 years for molesting his sister(step) and it really bothers him.He almost broke up with me before,so he wouldn't have to tell me. His dad is really nice and I am not scared of him.there is a bunch of alcoholism in his family and he just turned out to be the best one in the bunch and very cute too. I think he knows how I feel now after Sat night and his email last night was very happy. I went to the alter at church and had the elders pray for him and to ease his mind.I have alot of faith and will stay and not break the promise I made to him,that I am not like the others and will not hurt him or forget about him. He's such a great guy,just needs time now I guess
cutiebabe Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 Go for it! tell him how u feel! lets face it, he aint gunna kno unless u tell him and u wont know either..so just email him and tell him...at least then he'll know and you'll know where you stand. live ur life up! dont be afraid to do anything because the longer you leave it the less chance you'll have of suceeding...Carpe Diam! Blessed Be and Goodluck!
Author YssaBoo Posted April 6, 2004 Author Posted April 6, 2004 Easier said than done.The last time it took me 6 weeks to tell him and he broke up with me a week later.He did email last night and was better.The first thing he said was when am I gonna hear that music for your solo.I'm in a pageant and I have to solo on a soprano sax ,I was in awe that he asked that It kinda made me catch my breath.He never cares about my music ,except one time when we were having problems and he sneeked into a concert I was in and left before I saw him.All my friends are like"your b/f is here,sitting in the back row."He also told me that the pop I left in his car Sat.night is in the fridge at his house,most generally you would throw it away wouldn't you?I know I would.Unless it gives you something to be able to see that person again Thanks fir the advice and I will keep posting on the situation!!
Pookette Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 It sounds to me like he might be carrying a bit of a torch for you still. I understand why he would be reluctant to have a relationship with anyone with the home life he has had. Because of that, you need to be gentle with him - don't push too far or too fast. Gently hint that you will be there for him no matter what and let nature take it's course. I think you two have a good chance!
Author YssaBoo Posted April 6, 2004 Author Posted April 6, 2004 Thanks!! I know in my heart that we do.I have dated others and when its over its over. I just feel that things will be OK.I have a very busy 2 months ahead and I won't push him and I will be there for him.I really appreciate how you see it and thank you so much.
cutiebabe Posted April 7, 2004 Posted April 7, 2004 gurl juz go for it! If he cares for u still (which looks like he does) then that could b what hes waiting for. what have u got to lose? sometimes you juz have to take a risk.
Author YssaBoo Posted April 8, 2004 Author Posted April 8, 2004 I am trying to get the nerve to do it.His emails were so nice on Sunday and when I replied and invited him to a concert I'm in,he never replied.Then on Tuesday at the Y he was very quiet and didn't want to talk,he just stares.My dad said he was fine at work that day,but when he sees me he acts like he is so depressed.ARGGHHH!!!I just want to duct tape him to a chair(inc.his mouth) and make him listen and whatever else .Tonight he was invited to a hockey game by my dad,but never called him as promised last night.My dad got irritated and emailed him,nicely but PO"d at him and this morning he emailed him by 7 and than called 20 min later to say he couldn't make it. He apologized and said he was sorry 4 times in the email.If he didn't care he wouldn't make an effort to be nice to my dad yet,would he?But than he didn't reply to me,the boy makes me so confused.GRRRR!! I will try cutiebabe,maybe I'll leave him a journal and some peanut m&m's outside his door, for easter,what do you think?
cutiebabe Posted April 8, 2004 Posted April 8, 2004 i understand it would be hard to tell him how you feel because you're scared of losing him...but mayb telling him will just give ur relationship that extra nudge...mayb not. its ur decision in the end, and if you tell him you have to b prepared for all consequences..think of it this way. do you want to risk not telling him and never being with him that way again? or would you rather tell him and take all the consequences..? goodluck. the easter idea sounds nice. go for it!
Author YssaBoo Posted April 10, 2004 Author Posted April 10, 2004 Well cutiebabe and all you others who have been encouraging me,I haven't told him yet and I'm glad. He emailed me last night and said he was totally stressed out,good stress and bad. He said he is tired of not having time for friends and the people he cares about.I think I finally realize he cares,he is just so overwhelmed right now he knows that he would have no time for us. He said he has alot of bad stress,but than again he has good stress and the good stress leads to the bad stress?Anybodys interpretation of this would be appreciated. I have not seen him since tues. and did not email him,but my dad did,he likes him.He checked his email before college and twice at night corresponding with him.My ex doesn't do that,lucky if he does it once a day.I was giving him some time to miss me more and it worked.Why can't some people have a relationship and go to college and work all at once,I did and had no problem.You just have to have an understanding between the two of you that your time together will be limited and special .I'll keep you all posted and everybody have a very Happy Easter.
cutiebabe Posted April 10, 2004 Posted April 10, 2004 Heya, Your quote at the bottom says something like "Live for today..." Do you believe that quote? I dont think you do because if you did there would be no hesitation about telling him. Good stress leading to bad stress... basically that means that things that are good are turning out bad...which therefore equals more bad stress. If his life is that bad why doesnt he fix it? There are alot more ppl probably worse off then him, and he hopefully realises that. I dont get why you cant tell him? I mean, if you told him and he's a really good friend then he's not going to abandon you no matter what you say...besides...whats to lose? Happy easter to you too.
Author YssaBoo Posted April 12, 2004 Author Posted April 12, 2004 Well,I took the Easter basket to his house and left in on Sat.night.I don't know where he was,but he came home late.I put a card in it and told him that I felt bad for all the stress he was under and asked him if I was the one who caused some of the stress in the past few months and if so I didn't know I did it and was sorry. He emailed me back this morning and said thanks and that school wasn't really stressing him out ,just his personal life.He never mentioned what I asked him or said I was the problem.How do I take this? Am I the problem and he couldn't say or did he know I wasn't the problem.ARRGGGHH. I replied,but haven't heard back yet.I don't have anyone to go to for this and you guys have helped alot and I am trying,I am so scared and sad .My emotions have been all over since last night and I don't know if I can handle much more not knowing.I have been dropping suttle hints ,but he never answers the question or he says he doesn't know . He also said he wish he could read peoples minds in the last email. I have one more plan of action so I hope I can get some response to this by morning,because I am setting the plan in motion than.Wish me luck
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