icecubee Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 So I think I'm ready to date again! The short version: I saw this shy girl who I think is interested in me. She is pretty nervous around me and will fiddle with things and pretend to read newspaper when I’m standing close to her. I started getting attracted to her. One day, I approached her but she is giving me mixed signals (The bad: Ignored my friend request on facebook, said she needs sleep on the 30 minute subway ride; The good: avoids eye contact and talks to me looking down 70-80% of the time, when I asked her if she is interested in going out to a casual event she said she is interested (but does she mean it???). What should I do? Should I take it slowly until this shy girl is more comfortable with me? Or should I ask her out (she said she is interested in going out to a group event)? Any other comments and suggestions? Long Version: About 9 months or so ago, I saw this girl (who I think is quite shy) on the bus and the subway pretty frequently (average 2-3 times/week). At first I didn't notice her much (Mainly I was still trying to heal from my previous relationship). There were a quite a few times we were standing next to each other waiting for the bus/subway and I can sense how nervous she was. (pretending to look for things in her handbag, fiddling with her phone, constantly checking her watch, pretending to read the newspaper...she doesn’t normally pickup the newspaper) She would almost never try to get too close to me. On several occasion she smiled with her head down when I looked directly at her. There were also a couple of times where she tried to avoid/hide from me. i.e., she tried to hide from me when she saw I was at the bus stop waiting for the bus. When I came back from my Christmas vacation and into the new year, I saw her again. I started to become more and more interested in her (she is cute!) day by day. A couple of weeks ago, I bumped (physical bumping) into her accidentally as we were trying to catch the subway (I said sorry, she just smiled and didn't say anything). I stood next to her(on purpose!) as we were waiting for the subway and she pretended to read the newspaper as I glanced at her a couple of times. The next day, I saw her again, she picked up the newspaper again on the way to the subway, I was in front of her and she followed me. She stood next to me this time and pretended to read the paper again (the first time ever that she did this!). When we went in she chose to sit directly across from me again holding the newspaper in front of her without making any eye contact(first time again!). Then the week after, I saw her again as we were waiting for the subway and we smiled at each other. I was going to approach her that day, but the subway was so crowded! A couple of days later, I saw her on the bus (~15 minute ride) and I approached her this time (LOL…didn’t want to wait for the crowded subway again). I told her I want to introduce myself since we bump into each other quite often and to my surprise she asked me if I knew A(a common friend of ours). I asked her how she knew I was A’s friend but she didn’t reply. I was surprised that we have a common friend (my guess is she must have found me on facebook). We spoke, but I was doing most of the talking (asking questions and trying to find a common interest). We did some small talk. At one point, I told her that I knew A from a weekly sporting club and asked her if she is interested in joining us (with me, A, and other friends). She said she is not good at sports but she is interested in going. She was pretty quiet on the subway. And she closed her eyes (to sleep) while on the the subway. Later, she told me she lacked sleep because she was watching so many tv shows on the internet the night before. I asked her if she has facebook, she said yes. On her way out, I said goodbye and wished her a good day. I was planning to add her to facebook and ask her to go to the sporting club on the weekend but she never responded to my facebook request. A week later, I saw her again. We had better a conversation this time. Although I was still asking most of the questions, I felt that she was must more engaged. She asked me where I worked, where I came from etc. She still needed sleep on that 30 min ride, but she opened her eyes towards the end of the ride and asked me some questions. I told her I was attending this workshop weekly and asked her if she is interested in going(she said she would be; ) I have to admit I started flirting with her(some minor jokes) and she giggled quite a few times. I’m not quite sure how to approach her at this point. Is she interested or not? Some good signs: -The two times that I have asked if she is interested to go to a casual event she said yes (but I’m not sure if she is doing this just to be nice or if she really means it) -She avoids eye contact and looks down when she talks to me 70-80% of the time (sign of shyness) -Signs of nervousness before we started talking (fiddling with papers, phones etc.)..but I don’t see these anymore after we started talking Some bad signs: -Ignores facebook request (it’s been over a week, and I’m sure she went on) -Sleeps on the subway for 20 minutes (is this just shyness, or is she just not that interested?) -doesn’t seem to be that engaged at first How should I approach her from now on? Should I just take it slow and just talk to her a few more times? Should I ask her out to one the casual events(group events) since she said yes? Any comments about her behavoir? Thanks for reading! Any help is much appreciated!
DreamerGirl27 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I am naturally a shy girl and shy around EVERYONE, not just guys I like. Yes, I'm a little more shy around guys I like, but if one I liked ever friend requested me on facebook, I definitely would not turn it down. I have no idea what to think here. I would never fall for someone I rode the bus with. LoL I don't fall for people until after I get to know them better. I also wouldn't sleep on the guy (not ON the guy, but you know what I mean). If I were REALLY tired, maybe, but I'd want every excuse I could get to talk to him. She just sounds like a shy girl. Lots of girls are shy, but it doesn't mean we like you.
kalikula Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I don't think she likes you if she ignored your friend requests. Almost everyone, even people who you barely know and don't like you, will usually accept a friend request to be polite. It is not a good sign.
NoMagicBullet Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I disagree -- don't take the FB thing seriously. Some people won't friend anyone who asks, especially people they don't know well. Reading through some other posts on LS, it seems many people will wait a while before becoming FB friends with someone they're steadily dating. (It also seems that FB is a major wrecker of relationships, but that's for another thread.) The "signs" you mentioned aren't conclusive, but I'd say smiling and showing interest in events you mentioned is good. I think your best bet is to suggest meeting her at an event on a specific date & time -- in other words, ask her out on a date. Good luck!
Author icecubee Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Thanks for all the replies for far! Yeah, it's super weird. Both times she was more attentive/engaging when we were on the bus but when we got on the subway she needed her nap(as if it was a rule of hers...LOL). Not sure if this matters, but she probably knows that I'm about 2 years younger than her(If she did check out my facebook<--which I think she did before we talked). I know she is older from another source:)(she probably don't know that I know her age). Maybe I'll ask her out and see how it goes... Will update!
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