tincanman99 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 A while back a trainer at the gym started flirting with me. My trainer who is a woman said watch out, all she wants is to take you as a client. Anyway it continued and I was thinking about backing off on her. And than she was really cold to me and I just backed off. Than a few weeks later it started again and I rolled with it. We have become very chummy and friendly and she flirts with me non-stop. Its been going on for weeks. We made an agreement where she would provide coaching to me as my trainer is pregnant and is leaving. Not personal training per say but just help organize my workouts. So she is getting really friendly with me. Starts telling me about some guy she had dated, a child, he is a cop and is a prize of the worst kind. Than the next thing you know she is telling me she is going on a date with a guy from the gym she just met. So I said the heck with it and threw my hat in the ring. I told her I think she is beautiful and that I am incredibly attracted to her. Let me take you to dinner, I will treat you right. Than I got the friend speech. I just want to keep it friendly and professional, blah, blah. All this crap and I just sat there and let it go. I was like ok. I was thinking I dont need to be another male friend that she treats like a female friend. I have no interest in this. She walked away with me from where I was and wished me a good weekend and than I left without saying goodbye to her. Whatever... On my way home I get this text from her: "Yes I was embarrssed and flattered, but would rather keep things professional and friendly. I hope this doesn't change anything, but appreciate your honesty!" Was she just fishing for business, love the attention or all of the above? If you have no interest in me than leave me alone, dont come over, flirt with me non-stop, invade my space, email all the time and than do this. What is the point? Just leave me alone.
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 What is the point? Just leave me alone. Extra business + an ego boost. When making business deals with women be very careful. Plenty of them will use your attraction against you. I know some guys that can pull this off to0.
Leeway Harris Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Totally sounds like she was drumming up business for herself. Some people just have those flirty personalities, it's how they get through life. Some of them don't even know when they're doing it, it's just the baseline of how they interact with people. And a trainer whose livelihood depends on generating new clients... Yeah, I wouldn't feel too bad about this, but that's what it sounds like to me.
carhill Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Why Do <some> Women Do This? What Is The Point? Why? Because they can. It is a use (or abuse) of their sexual power. What is the point? It gains them something, whether that be validation, more money in their pocket or getting back at another female (or male). Your methodology was sound. Ask her on a date. Good. I need to practice that more. IME, the two largest groups of 'why' wrt myself have been: To affect or otherwise influence the perception of their husbands or boyfriends To sell me something I know this because I've compared how they behave with me when alone versus in front of their spouses/SO's and, far easier to deduce, I've heard the sales pitch at the end of the other path.
Author tincanman99 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I am terminating the relationship now. I dont need to be someone's emotional tampon while I get to hear about all the men that she dates that treat her like crap.
Author tincanman99 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I just got this from her: ============== Hi! I tried sending you a text message, but some reason it jumped back to me saying that it was undeliverable. I just wanted to say yes you embarrassed me, but also flattered me. At this point though, I would like to keep things on a professional level and the same for our friendship. I hope that this does not make things awkward between us, because I won't. Yes I was blushing and taken aback, but I appreciate your honesty. I hope that you like the sessions and you are looking forward to continuing. Would also like two next week? Have a great weekend and I'll let you know if I hear back from your old trainer. No luck yet, but we'll see. Have a great night and talk soon! ==============
Cracker Jack Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I just got this from her: ============== Hi! I tried sending you a text message, but some reason it jumped back to me saying that it was undeliverable. I just wanted to say yes you embarrassed me, but also flattered me. At this point though, I would like to keep things on a professional level and the same for our friendship. I hope that this does not make things awkward between us, because I won't. Yes I was blushing and taken aback, but I appreciate your honesty. I hope that you like the sessions and you are looking forward to continuing. Would also like two next week? Have a great weekend and I'll let you know if I hear back from your old trainer. No luck yet, but we'll see. Have a great night and talk soon! ============== Was this through email or something else? Anyway, I wouldn't reply. I'm sure you won't. Kudos on asking her out, tho.
johan Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Conniving is the word for it. You don't owe her anything. Also, sometimes there is an 'e', between 'th' and 'n'. It's not always 'a'.
welikeincrowds Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 This is why it's a good idea to befriend and listen women you trust. Their opinions about other women can be invaluable. A friend of mine has a boss who is a partner at a prestigious design firm. He describes her as a "female Don Draper". Sometimes they'll have project pitches that go over ambiguously. In those cases, so my friend says, she'll set up a lunch with one of the head decision makers for the client, and then when lunch is over, they'll have the job. Clearly, this trainer of yours is an amateur, if things ended up for you as they have. A careful execution, the balance of charm that ends in a business deal and absolutely nothing more, is in my opinion an amazing talent and something to be admired.
mo mo Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Does no one else find it funny that she told him that she is gonna date a guy she met from the gym, but she wants to keep things professional with him?
johan Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 It's not all that funny. She dates guys from the gym, but not ones she has a business relationship with. That's the pretense. But if she was interested in the original poster, she would have said yes, regardless of their business relationship. There are lots of women who use their looks and charm to get guys to do things with or for them. What the original poster has to face is the fact that instead of asking her out from the start, he started paying her for services in the hopes that that would lead to something. So if he dumps her now, the dishonor will really be on his own shoulders. Who was using who? But still, why keep things going after this. I'd be irritated with her, too. Not as irritated as with myself. But enough to tell her to find some other sucker.
phineas Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 She knew what she was doing. They all know what their doing when they try to friendzone me AFTER they kiss me. Like everyone said, just ignore her. Since she is hot & has a vagina she probably won't take well to that so.. when she bugs you in the gym tell her your current trainer is so good & taught you so much you feel confident enough that you are going to go it alone when she goes on maternity leave. Then get another trainer. LOL!
somedude81 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Were you paying her at all? If so, it just sounds like she was trying to sell you her services. I'd just reply to her email, telling her that things are now too awkward and you can no longer work with her.
TheLoneSock Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 - My trainer who is a woman said watch out, all she wants is to take you as a client. - We have become very chummy and friendly and she flirts with me non-stop. Its been going on for weeks. - We made an agreement where she would provide coaching to me as my trainer is pregnant and is leaving. - Starts telling me about some guy she had dated, a child, he is a cop and is a prize of the worst kind. - she is telling me she is going on a date with a guy from the gym she just met. - I said the heck with it and threw my hat in the ring. I told her I think she is beautiful and that I am incredibly attracted to her. Let me take you to dinner, I will treat you right. - I got the friend speech. Lol, textbook. This woman is a huntress and will only mate with an alpha hunter. Hence the reason she had a kid by the jerk type who also happens to be in a position of authority (cop). Are we getting it now?
phineas Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Does no one else find it funny that she told him that she is gonna date a guy she met from the gym, but she wants to keep things professional with him? I think it's hilarious. Because she thinks she's is so hot the OP was so smitten his brain had shut down & he failed to make to make the very observation you just did. I had a woman tell me she didn't want to date at all, then tell me a month later (I stopped talking to her) that she cancelled a date she had made on a dating site & was free to hang out. But only as friends because she, ya know, didn't want to date. LOL! honestly,my brow isn't sloped, my knuckles don't drag on the ground, I've strung multiple syllable words together in her presence. I mean, does she think i'm just that stupid? How in the world did she think I would still talk to her after she told me that? Or is she just that stupid? I'm kinda leaning towards the latter.
phineas Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Were you paying her at all? If so, it just sounds like she was trying to sell you her services. I'd just reply to her email, telling her that things are now too awkward and you can no longer work with her. Never let a woman think you feel awkward because of her actions. I had a chick at work ask me out, lead me on, initiate kissing, then try to friendzone me. Wasn't having it. No sir. I enjoy working in her department just so I can act like she doesn't exist. LOL!
Eddie Edirol Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Since she used her flirting to gain business from you, you can clearly tell her "Thank you for your offer of business, but I would not be interested in having you for my trainer at this time." Its perfectly within your rights to DUMP her fast when you found out she didnt like you. You took her on to get some, she took you on for money, everyone had their agenda. Get another trainer.
Author tincanman99 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 I have another gym to go to as this is a chain. Not a big deal in that regard. Here is the thing that bothers me though, you flirt with me, come on like gangbusters to me and than lay that line on me about keeping it professional. She was flirting up a storm long before I asked her for her help. Than why are telling me about the guys you are dated/going to date? She is a good trainer and she wasnt doing the actual training - she was providing programs for me to follow on my own. So I guess and continues to think that I am that stupid that I will continue to go along with this? Why bother. Its very clear from her email she is only nice to me for the $$$.
somedude81 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 It was a trap. She wanted to get you interested, get you to pay her, once the money started coming in she then started to tell you how she is not available to you on anything more than a professional level. Hook, line and sinker.
lino Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Its very clear from her email she is only nice to me for the $$$. That's what she's been doing all along. Why are you using a female trainer? If you want the best results get a bloke to train you.
D-Lish Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 That's what she's been doing all along. Why are you using a female trainer? If you want the best results get a bloke to train you. I agree, stick to the dudes for the training. She knew exactly what she was doing, she's perfected it, because she's done it a hundred times before. Trust me, it's not a gender thing- when I was at the gym, the male trainers came on so strong, but their ploy was so transparent. There are certain professions where people use their sexuality to make money. Bartenders, waitress's, and personal trainers are at the top of the list.
westernxer Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Don't take her antics personally. In fact, use the opportunity to flirt as target practice, but don't say anything else that puts you in her sucker drawer. She wants to play, so play right back.
johan Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I was in charge of hiring decisions for my team with another guy. An account manager for a company we worked with somehow decided to target me with her charms. She was young and cute and had a great body. She was also very ambitious. She took me out to lunch on the company expense account several times kind of as if we were friends and getting to know each other. But she somehow always got around to asking about certain inside particulars that I knew about that would get her an advantage with our company. I figured out that she was calling me up whenever she was having a hard time getting something done or needed to know what some hiring manager was thinking. Part of me was irritated with that and I respected her less for it, but I also enjoyed it. There was an air of "you could date me" that always came with that. Little touches and laughs and of course just general sexiness. I never asked her out or anything, because she always brought up business, so I knew what she was up to. But I still enjoyed her company. And the lunches were free. She didn't hate me, she just wasn't nearly as into me as she wanted me to believe. She was also conniving. But she also liked me. Just not that much. And I admit I regretted that.
westernxer Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 There was an air of "you could date me" that always came with that. Little touches and laughs and of course just general sexiness. I never asked her out or anything, because she always brought up business, so I knew what she was up to. But I still enjoyed her company. And the lunches were free. She didn't hate me, she just wasn't nearly as into me as she wanted me to believe. She was also conniving. But she also liked me. Just not that much. And I admit I regretted that. I know exactly what you mean. Sexual tension as a weapon in the game of office dominoes. Female colleagues gave up on me because I didn't provide the intel they needed, though in a convoluted way they do respect me for staying neutral. I learned the hard way, but who doesn't?
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