worldgonewrong Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Has anyone here - as a dumpee - suddenly turned the tables on the dumper and announced, "You're right, it's not gonna work, we're doomed", and then gotten a different, surprising reaction as a result of that?
willowthewisp Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Yes, I tried something like that a few weeks after he left. The next time we spoke regarding legal matters, he told me he wasn't as sure in his decision now and started crying on the phone. Then I blew it by suggesting we work on things etc, getting upset, turned into begging etc. He then withdraw again and remained steadfast. That was two years ago, not heard from him since. So would it have worked, would he have had second thoughts if I had remained unconcerned, happy that he had gone? Who knows?
Yasuandio Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) I completely understand the kind of thing you have in mind. Nothing is happening, and you want to "stir the soup." (I.e., make something happen.) She has not asked you for a divorce yet -- so, technically, there is still hope. Also no OM, so that's good news too. WGW, you got everything going for you that is just about possible for a guy that's been put out off the house (not that those things feel good). See what other's say. I don't think you should say it unless you mean it -- imagine having to eat it later? Would you enjoy doing that? Picture yourself, with your wife using that remark to justify her postion, in a MC meeting. I could see you crying, and just out of your mind that you complicated matters by making a "turn-the-tables" announcement. On top of it -- it wouldn't be believable. You'll end up looking like an idiot, and give her reason to lose respect for you. Don't do it, dude. Partularly when you are feeling anxious, like this right now (and yesterday) don't act. It's like sending a long email or leaving a stupid voice mail when you are drunk. Let me try another way to describe it. I mean, I may be totally wrong. If you are in it and recognize this feeling, when it comes on, you will know now, and be able to get past this anxiety. (You seemed to be having one of these "anxiety obsession episodes" over her right now, yesterday as well. It's a kinda feeling of desparation. Don't act. Just trying to help. Not an MD. You may need some medication for times like this. It really helps. WGW. I have come to this point recently. What's going to happen is what's going to happen. One sentence I did or did not say right is not going to change my destiny. I wish I could erase all the "drunken dialing" voicemails, and I'm sure he'd rather have not gotten the DUIs. You know where I think you should take out your "extra energy?"I think you need intel on what she is up to. Its gotta be more than the mid-life crisis story. I hardly think that's a reason to put husband out of house. Maybe she might take off, buy a Corvette, whatever. Something is wrong with this picture. You need to find out covertly what that is. Then, you will have the upper hand. It's time now. Edited April 1, 2011 by Yasuandio
updown Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 i think you had the right idea in your other thread. to just leave her be for now. i don't know if your idea would work. but, i think that NOT approaching her at all would have more effect than your responding with " you're right. there's not point to this anymore." just my opinion.
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