butterfly2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Just want to share the last texts him and I exchanged. First we discussed what we wanted from each other in our relationship and agreed to work it out. Well he was at the doctor with a friend and I was at the dentist. He said "u r going to be in pain huh" Yes I am. WOuld have been nice for him to show up for me instead of being there for a friend instead.. Male friend at that which has me thinking..... Anyways so later I text him, no answer so I called him. HE was out with friends playing ball. I got confused because the way I think is that is you have a family, and you just decided to work things through, where would you be? Instead he is out having fun with friends. Then he text me after his game: Why do you get so mad and angry!! why? I got mad but all i said to him was maybe I should have mentioned it earlier, but why wouldn't you think to be with me this evening? He said look, I will call you back it is my turn to serve the ball. So I just hung up. so i responded to him with this : me: pain causes anger. U keep putting me last. U obviously dont want me like I want u. I dont get it and it hurts. him:well i dont get it alos?? u didnt want me a week ago and now u want things to be all great??? me:keep telling yourself i didnt want you if it makes you feel better. that has never been tru and you know that. we had an argument and now you are taking it really far. him: an argument huh? me: if u dont want me then just say so but i have gone to see you, tried calling, and talking to you. I have been trying but u keep doing your own thing and pushing me away me:basically you are not making any time to resolve things and texting to fix what is broke is not the way to do it. I dont know what else to do. That was the last of it. I went NC and so did he... He is the one that was palying the game like he was coming to pick up his things....but what he really wanted was to work things out he said.. So ai agreed and this is what I get. If he wants an adult mature relationship he has to show up for it. Errrrr! I'm sure he will be trying to get ahold of me. Like I said, I know him well and he probably has plans with his friends that he wants to handle first then he will try to get back. Putting me last again... I deserve so much more. so much better. I am going to start now with thinking of ME. I do love myself and I can have pretty much anyone I want and he knows that. He was always jealous of other men at work but I have nto even talked to other men at work. He just doesn't know what he has here.
SingVoice Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 OMG seriously this is EXACTLY what I just went through!!! Haha. Yeah anytime my ex had a bad day...I would make sure I was there for him. I drove the hour just to sleep with him the night one of his friends died. Another time one of his friends died I did the same thing...I dropped everything and went there for him. If he was hungover I would come over and make food for him and take care of him. When he was sick I would come over and take care of him. When things were difficult between us I would make sure I was available for him. What did he do when I had a bad day? Nothing. Lived life as normal. Went out with his friends. What did he do when someone VERY close to me died? Called me several hours later...then proceeded to talk about how HIS day had gone. That was IT. What did he do when I was performing in a concert? Didn't bother to come...hung out with his friends instead. See a pattern here? YOU are trying to make things work. And HE is TOO SELFISH. UGH don't you just want to smack this guy and go..."HELLO???!?!"
Author butterfly2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I have even told him before "it's always about you and your needs" And yes I do want to smack him and say HEllo?/??... I am thinking he is not even worth my time since I am obviously not worth his time. I am going to change the locks this weekend cause he thinks he can pop in and out when I am at work and check the mail and grab whatever he needs and eat whatever is there that he didn't pay for. I am being taken for granted and walked on. What do I do with his things? Put them in the garage? I don't think he should have access to anything at the house since he doesn't want to be there. OMG.... I am so shocked that someone actually thinks they have the right to go in my house when I am not there and then treat me this way. Why have I allowed this? Love makes me weak.
Author butterfly2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 singVoice - How long has it been going on? What have you been doing about this situation? I am really at a loss. I mean I know what I want and I know what I deserve, but we have this attachment or at least I do.... This has happened before and he has come running back. THings get better but I just don't seem to ever be happy with the decisions he makes. I know deep down I should let go and move on and maybe NC is going to help me do just that. I don't want to go through miserable love any longer. There has to be someone out there that is my perfect match.
geegirl Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 You titled your post "immature way of conversing"...why would you expect otherwise from someone who has not shown you any sense of maturity within your relationship. me: pain causes anger. U keep putting me last. U obviously dont want me like I want u. I dont get it and it hurts. You place YOUR expectations on him and then when he does not deliver you get mad. What do you expect? He repeats the same behavior over and over again and you accept it. If you accept it, then you are telling him it is okay. You teach people how to treat you. You teach him that putting you 5th on the list is okay because you accept him back into your life eventhough to fuss about it. And you can't force someone to like you like you like them. Doesn't work that way. If what you are getting is not enough for you, understand that is all he can give and stay if it satisfies you or leave if it does not. Stop trying to squeeze blood from stone. You want him to be what you want him to be. He is who he is. Don't try to change him. Don't have any expectations of him other than what he is giving you. People hardly change and even if they do, it's temporary. The "ugly" will at some point rear its head. Look at his actions and not his words. Words are cheap, in fact they are free. Stay NC. Going back will only make you keep writing the same posts on LS over and over again. And you don't want that. Let's hear you start writing posts about how you are taking charge of your life and starting fresh. Painful as it maybe, trust me that this pain of NC is temporary and that the pain of sticking with him is endless for as long as you stay with him.
Author butterfly2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I am just so sad right now. I was able to eat though....forced it down actually. I really just wish I didn't have to go through this. I am a great woman who really deserves so much more.. Where did I go wrong?
SingVoice Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 You ARE absolutely worthy of his time...or someones who is MUCH BETTER. The thing about selfish people is that it doesn't matter HOW MUCH you do for them...they won't see it. I felt that way too...like...why am I not important to this guy? I'm OBVIOUSLY amazing and DO EVERYTHING for him?? It's because he was selfish. He expected me to do those things...because he thought HE deserved them. But he sure as he** wasn't going to give me anything in return. Not because I didn't deserve it...but because he was just too selfish to give anything. How did I deal with it? Well...everytime we would actually talk about things I would think it was going to get better. And then he would literally do the EXACT same thing your guy did. And he NEVER wanted to deal with things. His way of coping in life was to just ignore things. (Probably why he just runs to his friends instead of dealing with you). He made it easy on me...he said something mean to me one day...and when I told him it hurt my feelings...he disappeared. Never heard from him again. That was probably 3 weeks ago. It was hard...but I realized that I had given SO MUCH of myself...and I wasn't getting ANYTHING back. Nothing. And so after a couple of days...I stopped contacting him.
SingVoice Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 And don't blame yourself for "going wrong" either. We always want to give people the benefit of the doubt. You held on for so long because of whatever crumbs of love or affection that he gave you. You held on to the memories of the good times. But now you have to look at what things are NOW. And they aren't good. Yeah you are always hoping that loving, caring guy will come back. But if you REALLY think about it...I'm sure you'll realize that he probably wasn't ACTUALLY that great to begin with.
geegirl Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I am just so sad right now. I was able to eat though....forced it down actually. I really just wish I didn't have to go through this. I am a great woman who really deserves so much more.. Where did I go wrong? Yes, try to eat. You must eat. Don't blame yourself. Sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes you can put 150% and if the other person is not completely present, it won't work. Relationships end because of compatibility, feelings change, etc. It has nothing to do with you. You know you deserve so much better so stop settling just because you need someone in your life. It doesn't matter how unhappy you are, you take what you can get. Not good. Don't short change yourself. You would be doing yourself such an injustice by ignoring your physical health and depleting yourself emotionallty and mentally on this person.
Movingthrough Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Don't take this the wrong way, but he was freaked out because you sounded very needy. You told him about three times that he didn't want you. If a girl said that to me i would be like well at this point no i don't, you were pushing it. We all do it, but in your head you knew it was over (or ending) so you don't have to keep asking or probing. This is the hardest part of a breakup, realizing its over, but honestly you just have to. I'm not bashing you but honestly i would move on, because i think those texts probably got him a little bit in his head. I honestly don't think you messed up or anything but guys get really weird with that kind of stuff, thats why his talking has been so sporadic.
Author butterfly2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Yeah that makes sense after going back and reading it again. It's like I was telling him to go away and that he doesn't want me when in reality he said he loves me and does want to work things out, but its in his timing and that right there is quite selfish. Trust me he will be calling.... i know how he is. At that time, I really dont know what to do. Something has to be fixed so this doesnt happen again whether it be we move on or we work it through. Families should work it through..... this is not a teenage relationship. I am not blaming him for the way he feels about some things cause I havent been perfect but no one is. He hasnt been perfect either. I do love him alot and I miss him. I do want to bring up my thoughts about how relationships work..sometimes one or the other does feel needy...it is human nature. I was here for him when he was being extremely needy. I just had a miscarriage not too long ago, so of course I am a bit emotional and yes a little needy. But when two people are together, they have a family, you dont just run when things get tough. You stick together.... double standards suck
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