OCCDAVE Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 hey everyone i met a girl few months back we have hung out and everything like twice a week.Shes got school plus work so unlike my last relationships i was trying to keep my space and not flood her with text,call or become clingy which i did well.Everything moved fast we would make out every time we met she said she saw something serious with me as long as i get my stuff together with my schooling.I said i plan on going back for myself and she said thats awesome she will wait.At this point I'm on cloud 9 thinking wow this seems to good to be true .Well last night i called her we talked a bit miss you bla bla so on.Then out of no where shes like your a great guy i really like you but i think we should just be friends.I was stunned still am felt like someone punched me in the face cause i don't know what happen.Problem what do i do now cause we had plans next Friday she said i still wanna go with you and we can talk from time to time.
Sabali Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Just entered the friend zone now what ? Nothing. She met someone else. Politely decline the meet up for next Friday. It was never about the whole school thing. If she was really interested in something long term, she would have just went in with you while covertly trying to change some of your habits she feels that you need work on. That is considering that you are not a high school drop out. If you are a high school drop out, this would be enough alone and she is fully justified in tossing you to the side. Get one of those Good Enough Diplomas that are sweeping the nation if you did drop out of high school.
welikeincrowds Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Was next Friday a date? Because she can't honestly expect to tell you she doesn't want to date you, but then still want/expect to go on a date with you. That's nonsense and I would say so.
Author OCCDAVE Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I'm not a drop out Sorry I forgot to mention it lol.she was trying to change my habits and kept saying oh I'm falling for you to and so on.I guess that's why I feel stunned I wasn't expecting what was said last night.so you think if I do go friday with her I'll letting her crap on me ?
Author OCCDAVE Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Was next Friday a date? Because she can't honestly expect to tell you she doesn't want to date you, but then still want/expect to go on a date with you. That's nonsense and I would say so.Was suppose to be a date now I don't even know how to call her or text her .I won't lie more then hurt I feel sorta embaressed by what happen
Sabali Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I'm not a drop out Sorry I forgot to mention it lol.she was trying to change my habits and kept saying oh I'm falling for you to and so on.I guess that's why I feel stunned I wasn't expecting what was said last night.so you think if I do go friday with her I'll letting her crap on me ? Hey, man, look here... You're not going any where with her next Friday. Don't make us pull you off of the field and send in a sub. Decline Friday today and start recovering from that punch now. Well, it is over and that is pretty much clear from what you posted. She is letting you down easy with the friend stuff. She will eventually start ignoring you all together. Honestly, when she told me that I have to get such and such together before we could move on with a relationship, I would have dropped her @$$ right there. It was a red flag that , of course, would be justified if you had a baby education level.
Sabali Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Was suppose to be a date now I don't even know how to call her or text her .I won't lie more then hurt I feel sorta embaressed by what happen You have nothing to be embarassed about. Just call her up and cancel. It was supposed to be a date and now it isn't. What, you supposed to pay for this now? She will start ignoring you soon anyway.
somedude81 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Send her a text, "Sorry, I going to cancel for tonight. I need to shampoo my cat."
Author OCCDAVE Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 So pretty much just cancel and start nc although I guess it will be nc for myself and not expect a reply meh
Author OCCDAVE Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Speak of the devil she just text me now how you feeling today Are we still going next Friday.was thinking bout replying like this I'm good then again it's not like it matters to you as for next week no thanks
somedude81 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) Speak of the devil she just text me now how you feeling today Are we still going next Friday.was thinking bout replying like this I'm good then again it's not like it matters to you as for next week no thanks That sounds way too bitter. I'm just imagining if I were in that your situation. I'd really want to know what she actually wants from you. If she really does just want to be friends. I'd give her a pleasant goodbye. Edited April 1, 2011 by somedude81
Author OCCDAVE Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Got any advice on a good reply I don't wanna look needy or like you said bitter
carhill Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Use telephone feature: 'Hi, got your text. I'm doing OK. While I have enjoyed our time together, my attraction to you precludes me from being friends with you so I'd like to cancel next Friday's get-together. Thanks for your honesty' Don't engage in any further conversation. She made her perspective clear. You do the same. EOS.
welikeincrowds Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 You don't need to posture at all. She's being ****ing ridiculous. Tell her you obviously don't have a date this Friday because you've stopped dating. And for your own sake, make other plans.
somedude81 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Man, I wish I was better with women. This might be a terrible idea but it's the only thing I can think of. Text her that you want to meet up sometime soon and talk, coffee, whatever you two do when you hang out. When you see her, straight up ask her what she wants. If she tells you she just wants to be friends, remain composed and tell her that you can't do that. She may get mad, she may not. But you can't get upset. Don't be needy or bitter. Give her a hug and say goodbye. Odds are you can end things on good terms. Never contact her again. If she contacts you it's up to you how to reply. But if she wants to hangout, ask her if it's going to be a date. If not, say "no thanks."
Hules Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Man, I wish I was better with women. This might be a terrible idea but it's the only thing I can think of. Text her that you want to meet up sometime soon and talk, coffee, whatever you two do when you hang out. When you see her, straight up ask her what she wants. If she tells you she just wants to be friends, remain composed and tell her that you can't do that. She may get mad, she may not. But you can't get upset. Don't be needy or bitter. Give her a hug and say goodbye. Odds are you can end things on good terms. Never contact her again. If she contacts you it's up to you how to reply. But if she wants to hangout, ask her if it's going to be a date. If not, say "no thanks." Bad idea shes already given him the friend card. I would tell her to get stuffed.
Author OCCDAVE Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Well she called here's how it went her.how are you me.I'm good thanks for asking her.you sounded pretty bad ur not gonna kill yourself are u me. Ha ya no don't get a big head you or anyone else wouldn't get me to that point her. Wanna go next week or no me.no thanks anyway thanks for being honest bye She then text me what the hell cuz I hung up I said well I said bye she said whatever Not gonna deal with immature ppl Anyway I'm immature cuz I'm a bit upset I was lead on ?
mr.dream merchant Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Don't sweat it bro, I think you handled the situation well. She's upset right now, women don't take kindly to rejection. Not sure what her intentions are, but they're not for your benefit. This is why you need to leave her alone. What she thinks of you at this point doesn't even matter, she's not doing anything for you in the first place. You canceled the date - good. Now for step number two, no contact. When she contacts you either via phone call or text, don't reply. Don't facebook her, email her, look at her, etc. No contact. Can you do this? Side Note - I think she's pretty audacious to assume that you'd off yourself over her. She sounds like a bitch. You lucked out.
carhill Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Each experience is good information. I'd say you acted quickly and decisively. Kudos to you for that Your work for the next time, when you hear the 'friends' tune, is to deal with it proactively and contemporaneously, whether that is to agree that platonic friends is a great path or to express your romantic interest and that platonic friends isn't your path. See how it goes. Good luck
somedude81 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Well, that's one way to do things. I do agree with her that you acted immaturely. When I end things with a woman, I prefer to do it in a civil way. No one is mad at the other. At least you did something.
Hules Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Well, that's one way to do things. I do agree with her that you acted immaturely. When I end things with a woman, I prefer to do it in a civil way. No one is mad at the other. At least you did something. How did he not handle that maturely? She was pretentious enough to assume that he was going to off himself because she rejected him. She was getting a ego trip out of this. He put her in her place and wouldn't put up with her bull****, he gave her more than she deserved. I probably would of told her to go **** herself if i had been in the same position. Sounds like a total bitch.
callsign Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) Well she called here's how it went her.how are you me.I'm good thanks for asking her.you sounded pretty bad ur not gonna kill yourself are u me. Ha ya no don't get a big head you or anyone else wouldn't get me to that point her. Wanna go next week or no me.no thanks anyway thanks for being honest bye She then text me what the hell cuz I hung up I said well I said bye she said whatever Not gonna deal with immature ppl Anyway I'm immature cuz I'm a bit upset I was lead on ? My girl has been playing games the last month to the point I don't know which way is up. I think you handled it just fine. you have a right to be short with her. It's not as if she didn't know how you felt about her. She could see it in your eyes. I've never once broken up with someone where both people, especially the dumper could be fully honest, sincere and compassionate. No, I take that back. When I just graduated from university, my girfriend at the time out right asked me to marry her. I just wasn't ready. I remember that June afternoon in the bleachers very well, watching the crew prep the field. All I know and can honestly say, is that I was as gentle and kind and loving (I did love her) as I could be. In so many ways she was a keeper, but God help me, the stars were just not in it at that point in my life. Anyway, just my thoughts Edited April 1, 2011 by callsign
GivenUp0083 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 hey everyone i met a girl few months back we have hung out and everything like twice a week.Shes got school plus work so unlike my last relationships i was trying to keep my space and not flood her with text,call or become clingy which i did well.Everything moved fast we would make out every time we met she said she saw something serious with me as long as i get my stuff together with my schooling.I said i plan on going back for myself and she said thats awesome she will wait.At this point I'm on cloud 9 thinking wow this seems to good to be true .Well last night i called her we talked a bit miss you bla bla so on.Then out of no where shes like your a great guy i really like you but i think we should just be friends.I was stunned still am felt like someone punched me in the face cause i don't know what happen.Problem what do i do now cause we had plans next Friday she said i still wanna go with you and we can talk from time to time. Considering your lack of writing skills I'm going ot guess she probably doesn't think you are really going back to school. Also, don't take it personal, she is in college and she met another guy. You were her only option when she told you she saw a future, or she was waiting to see if it panned out with another guy. Guess what: it did, she found another dude and now you're out. Move on.
Author OCCDAVE Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Thanks for all the advice everyone. Guess what ticked me off the most is the I'll just be your friends comment and still expect me to go on an outing
carhill Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Empathy and sensitivity can be learned. Perhaps future experiences will assist her. IMO, you did well. BTW, beware of the Cheer's effect. The combination of your directness and willingness to walk away with your past 'making out' with her might find her rethinking 'friends' at some point. If so, at that point you will see if life has taught her lessons or not. Good luck with school
Recommended Posts