hcromwell Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Since my other post got no play thought this title might sell better. It has been so hard for me to accept the end of my marriage...wife has slowly but surely been getting more vocal that she wants a divorce. She made an appt with mediation firm. She is telling friends. I keep trying but it seems futile. Thing is she doesn't have the money for the mediation or life after divorce. I put the mediation papers on the table with my half of the fees...told her to do same. At same time i asked her to go away for a marriage therapy weekend offered by the church. She will only go to improve our communication for the sake of the kids.. All my friends are advising me to move on....i can't won't whatever.. It is physically painful lost
worldgonewrong Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 First of all, great subject heading. Secondly, give her space. If you keep pushing in ANY direction, it's not going to improve things. You need to distance yourself from her so that she doesn't keep viewing you as Mr. Horrible.
Lexygirl Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I'm sorry you are going through this. Your best bet is to keep as busy as possible doing things you love and it sounds like it is time to let her go.. sorry to say.
Author hcromwell Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 she agreed to go to retrovaille...i stop putting conditions on it...she is going...go enough for me. Not to get my hopes up but i hear great things about this program and i hope it helps us http://www.retrouvaille.org/
willowthewisp Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Hi, I read your other posts but honestly did not know what to write in response, sorry if you felt ignored and welcome to LS, wish it was under better circumstances though. I really just don't know what your wife is thinking, it could be the "I want a divorce" bluff, as in I really want changes, I am very unhappy and you aren't listening to me or it could be the real I want the divorce conversation but she hasn't filed because she can't afford it. I think you need to look up 180 and have it as your back up plan if this retreat thing doesn't help.
willowthewisp Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) I love the way the pictures on your link portray two unhappy people. Unfortunately that is not always the case, in my case I didn't even know he was unhappy, he said he kept it hidden, my IC says b******t. Sometimes people leave not due to the relationship but due to issues in themself, I just wish such programmes would recgonise that. Mind you, mine was an unusual case I think. Anyway, sorry had to say that. I hope it works out for you. Edited April 1, 2011 by willowthewisp
Author hcromwell Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Hi, I read your other posts but honestly did not know what to write in response, sorry if you felt ignored and welcome to LS, wish it was under better circumstances though. I really just don't know what your wife is thinking, it could be the "I want a divorce" bluff, as in I really want changes, I am very unhappy and you aren't listening to me or it could be the real I want the divorce conversation but she hasn't filed because she can't afford it. I think you need to look up 180 and have it as your back up plan if this retreat thing doesn't help. 180? what is that? Anyway thanks for the welcome...yeah sucks to be here but great resource. I have had tons of people say that its not me its her...and they are her friends... Financially, no way for her to do it right now but she is making moves i thought she would never make... We are still in same house...same bed...but she acts like i am not there most of the time or pissed at me all the time.... She makes me feel like its all my fault but she hated men to start with due to s***** role models. I just lasted longer It sweeps across my mind sometimes...like how the hell did i get her...yeah you can't control others feelings...etc etc...but still its crazy ...crazy stuff I hold out hope its a bluff but we are going on 2 years....and its getting worse...and at some point i'm just banging my head against the wall...no? Is there any sign if she agreed to go to this weekend? It seemingly has good results?
Feelin Frisky Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Sorry for you troubles. I'm just here for the sex, drugs and rock n' roll. None forthcoming.
lightoftruth83 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 A lot of people use that catchy Lance Armstrong "livestrong" phrase. But, honestly, it's the only way to live. I read your post, and EVERYONE's responses...granted, my marriage was pretty screwed up...but this is how it went for me... I went to Retrouvaille during an affair (not mine) that blew our marriage to smitherines. Retrouvaille did A LOT for restructuring communication...and that's a cornerstone in ANY relationship. I went not wanting to go...but I had to give the marriage every chance I could to survive. I would strongly urge you to go, with an open mind. Each of you take what you can from the weekend. It's impossible to know the future, it may look bleak at first and then slowly begin to turn around. If you can, follow up with counseling, professional counseling...even if she won't go, it would be good for you to get some things off your chest. Lastly, this is a borrowed phrase from AA...the 3 C's (in dealing with irrational or difficult people) You didn't CAUSE it, You can't CONTROL it, and YOU"RE NOT THE CURE FOR IT! My prayers are with you, and all of us here. Whether we survived as a couple, or ventured forth on our own...this is by far the most difficult time of our lives. Peace & Love J
Author hcromwell Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 wow...lots of good advice on here but yours really hit home...thanks ...made my day. Thanks for the prayers...I'll follow up soon
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