GreenPolicy Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I've been seeing this girl. For our third date last night, I went over to her apartment and cooked her dinner. Then we had sex. The chemistry has been good and obviously I like her and she would appear to like me. We have plans to go out again and have a fourth date Sunday. She has plans for tonight and tomorrow night. I told her I would call/text Saturday to work out the details of when/where to meet on Sunday. Would it be too smothering or clingy to text her "Hey, just wanted to say I had a great time last night. See you Sunday," or should I just wait until tomorrow to contact her? I don't know if there is some sort of post-sex date etiquette or not.
Survivor12 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I don't know about the etiquette, but I can tell you that I would appreciate receiving such a text.
Lilmisus Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Especially since y'all had sex last night, that wouldn't be smothering at all. In fact, I'd think she'd probably appreciate it more if you did text her that, and maybe throw in "Have a good day today" just for a cute effect. Just don't do it after every single date or expect a long conversation afterward, because then you'll be coming across as clingy.
Author GreenPolicy Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I don't know about the etiquette, but I can tell you that I would appreciate receiving such a text. So in other words, it may not help things, but it certainly wouldn't hurt them either.
Author GreenPolicy Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) Discussed it with a few friends and the consensus seems to be that it's not too much at all considering we had sex. If there had been no sex, it might be excessive. Don't write a novel, but keep it short and sweet. Edited April 1, 2011 by GreenPolicy
welikeincrowds Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Your instinct is on point. I always, always text/email/fb message the day after first-time sex, to say exactly that. Just a short, one sentence to say she mattered. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship we have, even (or especially) if it's none at all. The only exception is if I don't have her contact info. I learned my lesson a long time ago that in general, there's no reason to play it cool about a woman opening her legs for you. Even in the most casual of relationships, at that point, she made herself vulnerable. You want to respect, appreciate, protect that. In my opinion, it's more likely to backfire if you don't say anything.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 A long time ago a girl came over to my house on the rag. She didn't want to do anal, she didn't want to do oral, so she gave me a handjob. Mind you this is a girl I'm talking to, nothing serious. The next day, early in the morning, she sent me a text saying hi. I never replied. Waited the entire day, and texted her the day after. She was furious lmfao! Yeah, she stopped kicking it with me. Women take major offense to that ****. It's like sexual activity with them is some kind of binding contract where you as the guy are obligated to talk to them, spend time with them, and other things the day after you just had some fun with her. My advice is do what you want bro. If you don't feel like texting her at all, don't. You're not obligated to this chick. Go out with your boys, meet some more women.
Author GreenPolicy Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Your instinct is on point. I always, always text/email/fb message the day after first-time sex, to say exactly that. Just a short, one sentence to say she mattered. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship we have, even (or especially) if it's none at all. The only exception is if I don't have her contact info. I learned my lesson a long time ago that in general, there's no reason to play it cool about a woman opening her legs for you. Even in the most casual of relationships, at that point, she made herself vulnerable. You want to respect, appreciate, protect that. In my opinion, it's more likely to backfire if you don't say anything. Okay, I just texted the following: "Hey, I just wanted to let you know I had a great time last night. Hope you have fun this weekend, and I'll see you Sunday."
Crow9726 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Okay, I just texted the following: "Hey, I just wanted to let you know I had a great time last night. Hope you have fun this weekend, and I'll see you Sunday." Thumbs up on the text you sent her. She should appreciate it and it shows you care about her and the fun you had last night. Good job!
mr.dream merchant Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 My question is, why does the OP need to care about her? They aren't exclusive. I think a text afterwards is cool in the way of saying "hey last night was fun! I enjoyed myself" Why do women need this "care" shown after giving up the goods? Especially if it's early in the game. What gives?
welikeincrowds Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 My question is, why does the OP need to care about her? They aren't exclusive. I think a text afterwards is cool in the way of saying "hey last night was fun! I enjoyed myself" Why do women need this "care" shown after giving up the goods? Especially if it's early in the game. What gives? They don't need it. They won't die without it. It's just a decent thing to do.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 They don't need it. They won't die without it. It's just a decent thing to do. How is not contacting them the day after sex indecent?
SmileFace Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 How is not contacting them the day after sex indecent? If you were contacting someone everyday before sex - why would you stop after? You can not compare your example with the ops. Like you said it was someone you was just talking to. He is dating this girl. He may have been contacting her everyday before, but we do not know that. It is obvious that he is interested in this girl and I think it is the decent thing to do. However, I see no reason why she can't contact him first. Not contacting after shows he is not interested ,I am pretty sure he wants her to know he is interested.
SweetDaphne Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 How is not contacting them the day after sex indecent? Because a women likes to know she's appreciated and you had a good time. It's nice to take that initiative, and as long as you're not clingy in your texts, it can NEVER hurt you, only help you in the long run with the girl, especially if you like her. Major thumbs up on the text OP! Mr. Dream - How is NOT contacting them helping YOU?
mr.dream merchant Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Because a women likes to know she's appreciated and you had a good time. It's nice to take that initiative, and as long as you're not clingy in your texts, it can NEVER hurt you, only help you in the long run with the girl, especially if you like her. Major thumbs up on the text OP! Mr. Dream - How is NOT contacting them helping YOU? Whether it was beneficial or not never really concerned me. Sometimes, after a night of fun, I don't want to hear from them the day after. I'd rather do my own thing, and get in touch with her when I feel like it. From my point of view, the sex was casual and no strings attached, so the obligation to make her feel appreciated and cared for is not there to me.
SweetDaphne Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Whether it was beneficial or not never really concerned me. Sometimes, after a night of fun, I don't want to hear from them the day after. I'd rather do my own thing, and get in touch with her when I feel like it. From my point of view, the sex was casual and no strings attached, so the obligation to make her feel appreciated and cared for is not there to me. Mr. Dream - that's where you differ from the OP. He liked the girl and is pursuing something with her. Wherein the instances you've referenced show a FWB or hook-up scenario, where you're only looking for sex and the next good time. In that instance your communication is fine - but then you can't be surprised when the girl doesn't respond to you if she's looking for more. But a hint for you when you do start looking for more - take the OP's idea to heart, and follow-up with a text after the initial sex. Always a good idea.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Mr. Dream - that's where you differ from the OP. He liked the girl and is pursuing something with her. Wherein the instances you've referenced show a FWB or hook-up scenario, where you're only looking for sex and the next good time. In that instance your communication is fine - but then you can't be surprised when the girl doesn't respond to you if she's looking for more. But a hint for you when you do start looking for more - take the OP's idea to heart, and follow-up with a text after the initial sex. Always a good idea. Guess I'm a rebel. I'm not going to be obligated to do **** because it's what the woman wants. Rather just do what I want to do.
SweetDaphne Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Guess I'm a rebel. I'm not going to be obligated to do **** because it's what the woman wants. Rather just do what I want to do. And you're single? Gosh never would've guessed!
mr.dream merchant Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 And you're single? Gosh never would've guessed! Of course, but I still mingle around. Are you implying my stance is a bad one?
Author GreenPolicy Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Not contacting after shows he is not interested ,I am pretty sure he wants her to know he is interested. Bingo! I want to be in the middle of the spectrum between "Cold/Aloof/Indifferent" and "Smothering/Clingy."
SmileFace Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Bingo! I want to be in the middle of the spectrum between "Cold/Aloof/Indifferent" and "Smothering/Clingy." Yes, I think the middle section is called "confident,gentlemen,responsible" All the luck Policy. Hope she sees it that way as well.
SweetDaphne Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Of course, but I still mingle around. Are you implying my stance is a bad one? I'm implying your stance screams any of the following: commitment-phobe, egotistic, self-centered, uncompromising, not seeking relationship, not worth a girls time, etc. Pick any of them and your stance would pretty much apply. A girl likes to have someone who wants to be there, someone who wants to share their life, to comfort/protect her, etc. Your stance indicates you're into a relationship, and maybe life, for yourself. And no girl wants to be in THAT relationship.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I'm implying your stance screams any of the following: commitment-phobe, egotistic, self-centered, uncompromising, not seeking relationship, not worth a girls time, etc. Pick any of them and your stance would pretty much apply. A girl likes to have someone who wants to be there, someone who wants to share their life, to comfort/protect her, etc. Your stance indicates you're into a relationship, and maybe life, for yourself. And no girl wants to be in THAT relationship. Well I'm certainly neither of the labels you've listed Daphne. If I'm not romantically involved with a girl ie. I don't want to pursue a relationship with her, I'm going to exercise my rights as a single and young man. I have a problem with conforming to things I don't believe in. One of those things I don't believe in is making a girl feel special, cared for, appreciated when in reality - she's not. If she's not catching my romantic eye, but instead, my casual fun eye that's all she'll ever be to me is casual fun. Does this mean I treat her poorly? Nope. I'm just not going to give in to what she wants because she didn't quite understand what I meant when it was explained to her that I'm only in it for casual fun. You seem to have gotten the idea that a woman would be treated this way if in a relationship with me, and that certainly isn't the case. Hopefully this clears up some of the ideas you've seem to have misconstrued. I'm fully aware of what women like and want. When and who I choose to do that for is well within my rights. And yes, I am all about myself. I'm single afterall. Let's try to keep it civil shall we? Thanks cupcake.
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