do i have a chance with my ex boyfriend?

[sunnydayze]

Ok, this is my first post on this website, although i have been reading some of the posts - mainly nc ones etc.

i just want to know what people make of this situation...people seem to have very good insight on this website so i would appreciate some opinions.

I firstly want to say that i am mainly using NC as a way to heal, i know thats the primary reason, but i do still want a chance with my ex.

We were together for 10 months, he is 20 and i'm 21. We literally had what i thought was the perfect relationship for a long time, we had such a connection and spark and would just chat for hours etc, be really open with eachother. after christmas we came back to uni and things were still good, but we were getting to the stage where we were just really comfortable with eachother.

i'm a pretty insecure person and i see now this is probably what broke us up in the end. i used to get kind of upset, be really unconfident. My ex though, would always stick by me, tell me i was the only one for him, and that he'd help me get through it. I was his first love by the way. He'd tell me he loved me all the time, that i was the best thing that ever happened to him etc. obviously i loved him the same. hed also say he wanted to be with me for a long time, and when i'd say yeah maybe, hed tell me not to be pessimistic.

We nearly broke up a few weeks ago because i got quite insecure about him talking to this other girl. he said he couldn't be with someone forever who would never trust him. in the end, he said he thought we should stay together because he didnt want to lose me. he said afterwards that he thought we were fine and that again, he wanted to help me through it. I realised then that i had to change or i would lose him, the only time we argued in the next 2 weeks was a pretty bad day when i was having withdrawal from ciggarettes so was pretty irritable. he said it was ok the day afterwards and that he still wanted to be with me.

literally 4 days after this, we were at a party and he broke up with me. said the urge to get with other girls was getting stronger and that if we were together for more than 2 years he'd cheat on me. he said that he didnt see us being long term and that he still loved me but he wasn't in love with me. i was a bit drunk, and obviously very upset, so i kinda just went home, got my stuff back the next day, etc. he also said he had been thinking about it for a while.

we went nc till a day or two ago, when i was speaking to him on fb chat for closure (sorry ive just realised how long this is) he said i was an amazing girl but it hadnt been the same since the first break up. i said i understood kind of like the spark had been going? n he said yeah you could say that. i asked him if he thought that we spent some time together we could get it back? he said he didnt know, what if we got hurt again and he didnt think it was a good idea. he said it was just since the first breakup that he had been thinking about it. but maybe he said this just to be nice? he also said that altho the insecurity wasnt the only reason we split up it affected him alot more than he let on. he said that he wasnt in love with me but loved me to bits and would do anything for me. he said he understood if were never friends though. i said that if were near eachother (we have the same friends) could he not rub it in my face if he gets with other girls and he said he wanted mutal respect on that because he doesnt want to get drunk and it ruin his night...whihc confused me. he said he swears he did actually really love me, it had just been getting harder and harder. this is his first proper relationship btw. then i stupidly asked him if he had got with anyone else, and he said yeah, he slept with a girl, but it was just drunken sex. i was heartbroken, went offline, and then messaged him saying that i thought i meant more to him than to sleep with someone after a few days, that i hate him and dont want to see him, and that i would neevr do that to someone if i had broken their heart a few days before.

so im guessing this is the end...is there any chance he'll realise what hes lost ever?

i must say that although im insecure, i was a great girlfriend, i did alot for him, was fun, and we had a true connection at one point...

thanks for reading...

[sunnydayze]

ill also say that within the next few months ill definetly see him with friends...im gonna act completly confident and happy, say hi to him but nothing else

[Fufu]

"I firstly want to say that i am mainly using NC as a way to heal, i know thats the primary reason, but i do still want a chance with my ex."

 

As long as you hold that little hope to be with your ex again, you won't be healed completely.

 

Why is that so? Even though NC for dumpees to heal ourelves and move on "may" provide a possibility of reconciliation in the future, however you have to let go of him first, you have to stop feeling you need him in your life. Not wanting him in your life is when you truly achieved the moved on.

 

 

"We were together for 10 months, he is 20 and i'm 21. We literally had what i thought was the perfect relationship for a long time, we had such a connection and spark and would just chat for hours etc, be really open with eachother. after christmas we came back to uni and things were still good, but we were getting to the stage where we were just really comfortable with eachother."

 

You are still very young, don't beat yourself to it to a failed relationship. No relationships are ever perfect, you have to accept it. What you used to have with him were past, they longer represents today. If he had cherished the past truly, he wouldn't forsake you for real in the first place.

 

 

"i'm a pretty insecure person and i see now this is probably what broke us up in the end. i used to get kind of upset, be really unconfident. My ex though, would always stick by me, tell me i was the only one for him, and that he'd help me get through it. I was his first love by the way. He'd tell me he loved me all the time, that i was the best thing that ever happened to him etc. obviously i loved him the same. hed also say he wanted to be with me for a long time, and when i'd say yeah maybe, hed tell me not to be pessimistic."

 

Stop blaming yourself. You are not the one and solely one who result the relationship to be broken up. He is the one who chose to break up, not you. Learnt from your mistake and or not so good area and be a better person for yourself and not for him and anyone else. He used to stick through with you, but today he no longer is sticking through with you.

 

For your information, I was my ex bf first gf and he also said he loved me all the time and I was the best thing that ever happened to him. We bought engagement rings together and he said he would engage with me end of this year. Guess what? He broke up with me.

 

 

"we went nc till a day or two ago, when i was speaking to him on fb chat for closure (sorry ive just realised how long this is) he said i was an amazing girl but it hadnt been the same since the first break up."

 

Sweet, you seek NC for yourself only not for him You won't ever get closure by talking to him. You get true closure from yourself when you convince yourself you can do better and happier without him in your life.

 

 

"he said that he wasnt in love with me but loved me to bits and would do anything for me. he said he understood if were never friends though."

 

There he said it he wasn't in love with you. Why do you want to stick around with someone who don't want to be with you and not in love with you. Do you like it? Do you even want it?

 

 

"then i stupidly asked him if he had got with anyone else, and he said yeah, he slept with a girl, but it was just drunken sex."

 

Why are you even asking him this question after he broke up with you? What are you trying to objective?

 

To all dumpees, asking your exes' questions on whether they seeing someone else, these are the 2 answers you will ever get from them.

 

1. Ignore your question

- You will feel crap because your ex is ignoring you and then you start to fantasize that your ex has not find someone new. They won't be so cruel not to tell you that they had find someone else.

 

2. Tell you the truth, I found someone else

- You will felt rejected AGAIN, the world seems crushing down on you. Do you want to revive this kind of heartbreaking feeling again?

 

 

"so im guessing this is the end...is there any chance he'll realise what hes lost ever?

i must say that although im insecure, i was a great girlfriend, i did alot for him, was fun, and we had a true connection at one point...

thanks for reading..."

 

Don't guess because it is truly the end. I can't answer the question of whether he will realize what he lost. Maybe he will maybe he won't. However, it doesn't matter, why do you need to care about what he feel or think when he no longer does the same for you.

 

I believe you were a fantastic girlfriend to him, start telling yourself you don't need him in your life to be happy.

 

Examples:

 

- He chose to let me go, I don't have to forsake myself.

 

- I can chose my own happiness, I give myself happiness. He is not the only source of happiness for me.

[Fufu]

"ill also say that within the next few months ill definetly see him with friends...im gonna act completly confident and happy, say hi to him but nothing else"

 

Don't act confident, be confident. What's the point acting confident when right now you are vulnerable. It's okay to be vulnerable however you have to rebuild your own confidence again.

 

Please seek NC immediately for yourself only.

 

Which means:

- Don't initiate any contact with him

- Don't respond to all his contacts be it emails, messages and any other electronic messages

- Do not find out what is he doing or thinking (Delete him from your facebook, his phone number, block his e-mails etc

- Do not meet him, go out with him.

 

To start NC, all the time the dumpees find it hard to do it, no matter what, if you want to regain yourself again, you just have to do it. Unless, you don't mind being unhappy for life.

[depplover_1980]

This guy is being a prick if i'm honest and my gut feeling tells me that he has somebody else, so perhaps your own instincts regarding him chatting to this other girl were not far off? The fact he can already admit to having slept with someone else so soon would also back this up for me.

 

Not only that but he seems relieved to have got rid of you, like the final excuse he'd been looking for has cropped up. That would also explain why he has projected lots of blame onto you, for instance accusing you of being insecure etc. Maybe he objected to this so strongly because HE IS A LOVE RAT, he didn't like you being too smart and sussing out his lies.

 

I would like to say that I have a proven track record for sniffing these things out from the stories and you should definately consider the angle. This guy has not treated you well - the fact he said he would cheat on you within 2 years is a major warning sign that he disrespects you and though you're hurting right now, surely you know you deserve better treatment?

[sunnydayze]

i don't think he was looking for an exscuse because why wud he have taken me back two weeks before? its jsut confusing. he also said a few days before that he still wanted to be with me

i'm just wondering whether anyone thinks theres the slightest chance hes confused?

im not holding on hope at all im just wondering the chances...

[sunnydayze]

anyone? i dont understand why hed still care if i got with anyone else..

[Fufu]

Is he doing any sincere actions to get you back or just dropping you breadcrumbs (talk only).

 

You can continue to hold on to this hope, it's all up to you, it's your own decision.

 

I won't know if he ever come back to you.

 

If you want to find out if he's coming back, why not just ask him straight instead of wondering this and that.

 

Personally, I would seek NC and move on.

[sunnydayze]

i have asked him, he said we were over. but do u think he has had enough time to miss me etc?

[Fufu]

Why do you even want him to miss you when he said it clearly and straightforward to you it is over.

 

Do you truly want to be with someone who drops you off so easily?

[sunnydayze]

i know that, but you can't just switch off your feelings for someone. i know he meant all the things he said when he said them, so i don't understand how he just switched off his feelings so quickly. im not holding onto hope that ill get him back, and i know if he ever does come back then ill probably be over him by then, but it kind of helps me along holding onto that hope a bit, i know its not realistic but the idea of it kind of gives me more self confidence when i think that he'll probably realise what he's lost? rather than just forgetting about me altogether. does that make sense?

[VJohnson32]

First of all, do whats best for you... the best thing for your mind and body right now is to separate reality from fantasy (hope), which is achieved only by means of time apart and NC for a considerable amount of time. Second, most people on here obviously have no idea what real relationships are built on and seek complete removal of their ex. If you two have been best friends prior to your commitment and during your relationship, it would be twice as painful for you to move on and heal, since good friends are always hard to find especially the ones that know you so well. Your feelings towards him will change over time. But you cannot give him a certain time and date when you become his friend again, since this only gives you false hope and set you back. Once you find yourself be reminded of him as a good friend and nothing else then you may initiate contact to catch up or hang out. But this may take months or up to even a year...

[sunnydayze]

yeah ive told him i dont wanna be friends, or it wont happen for a long time. he thinks i hate him now anyway lol