thatdog Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 My girlfriend and I have been going through a very rough patch (engagement broken but still bf/gf). She has moved out of our home for a couple of weeks to get some space so the only time we see each other atm is when we go to counseling. I have been saving all year for our anniversary and had made reservations at her favorite french restaurant (was proly gonna cost a week's wages) and had some other things planned but now she says that since we are supposed to be living apart over this period we should not see each other at all as it would defeat the purpose of us having space. I'm a massive romantic at heart though and I really hate the idea of not expressing my love in some way on such a special day. Do you think this NC plan means she will be upset or pissed off if I send her some kind of gift? Do you think expressing my love this way might help/hinder our efforts to fix things? If so, any suggestions on what to do?
0hpenelope Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 She's right. When someone's asking for space, give it to that person. If she requested specifically that you do not see each other as an explicit contingent of NC, then do not set up dates, do not show up at the door and surprise her. You have to go against your romantic side because - and I know you know this, but I just wanted to remind you - NC is an acronym of "No Contact." That means absence of communication save for your counseling time together. Unless she's the one who initiates a greeting in which you will have to reciprocate it, I think it's better that you don't greet her first. I think it's okay if you just acknowledge the third anniversary during the counseling session. That's your safe space with her. If she gets upset that you didn't acknowledge your 3rd anniversary, tell her that you remembered but you just chose not to say anything as you weren't sure if it was appropriate and gently remind her of her desire for space. And the silence from your end? That's respecting her request for space. Hopefully your counselor will be able to facilitate a productive discussion about what your girlfriend expects from you and you from her during the session. What were you thinking of doing? Flowers? A card? A phone call? Are you allowed to call her? If you are and you do, what's wrong with just ringing her up and saying a simple "Happy anniversary?" In any case, this is just an opinion from a stranger. I hope others will weigh in as well. Good luck! My girlfriend and I have been going through a very rough patch (engagement broken but still bf/gf). She has moved out of our home for a couple of weeks to get some space so the only time we see each other atm is when we go to counseling. I have been saving all year for our anniversary and had made reservations at her favorite french restaurant (was proly gonna cost a week's wages) and had some other things planned but now she says that since we are supposed to be living apart over this period we should not see each other at all as it would defeat the purpose of us having space. I'm a massive romantic at heart though and I really hate the idea of not expressing my love in some way on such a special day. Do you think this NC plan means she will be upset or pissed off if I send her some kind of gift? Do you think expressing my love this way might help/hinder our efforts to fix things? If so, any suggestions on what to do?
Author thatdog Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 well we were not supposed to see each other. We havent been talking either cos I thought I should elave the ball in her court. But she called today to say she would come over on the weekend to pick up some more clothes and didn't seem to mind if i was here when she came. I was thinking of maybe writing her a letter and getting some flowers and leaving them at the place she is staying while she is at work or maybe have it delivered to her workplace. Otherwise if that's too much maybe just a call or email or something to let her know I remembered and that I'm thinking of her.
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