Dims85 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I miss my ex so much. It's been 5 days NC and it's killing me. I want to hear her voice so bad and just want be with her. We were together for so long and were planning on getting married this year. I just can't figure out why and how she could do this. I know I'm driving myself crazy im just trying to stick to this NC and feel like I'm gonna give in
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Why do I have to call her? Tell yourself this. 5 days of NC is a good achievement, don't give in, unless you want to start all over again.
Author Dims85 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Thnx Fufu, we were together for 6 1/2 years and its just confusing. I am planning on continuing NC but it's definitely easier said than done. She will realize her mistake sooner or later if ever...
TryingtoUnderstand32 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Thnx Fufu, we were together for 6 1/2 years and its just confusing. I am planning on continuing NC but it's definitely easier said than done. She will realize her mistake sooner or later if ever... what if she doesn't think she made a mistake? will you be able to not contact her
Author Dims85 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 @ trying, that's why I am working so hard at the NC, i should have finished that thought which was I am gonna focus on me and it will eventually end up being her loss once I can fully heal and get over it. Whether she calls or Not
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 keep up to your NC, perhaps you can plan a small celebration for yourself. Like every 1 week or 2 weeks of NC, treat yourself good food and/or get a present for yourself.
Ginger Beer Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Stop thinking about her, go outside etc. Eat some nice food or listen to good music. Do whatever but don't sit there thinking about her bro.
geegirl Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Breaking NC will at some point get you right back to that ****ty place you once started at. Stay the course. You want to feel comfort but she can't comfort you. She is what is causing you pain. You don't say, "Ouch, I stub my toe and it hurts, let me stub it again to take away the pain." So if you want pain, you can break NC. If not, focus on getting one week of NC under your belt. Slowly but surely.
JasonRules Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I miss my ex so much. It's been 5 days NC and it's killing me. I want to hear her voice so bad and just want be with her. We were together for so long and were planning on getting married this year. I just can't figure out why and how she could do this. I know I'm driving myself crazy im just trying to stick to this NC and feel like I'm gonna give in Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you anymore? She made her intentions clear. Why don't you have some pride and keep your chin up? Instead of sitting at home sobbing, get dressed tonight and go out with your buddies at a lounge and start talking to women. You need a distraction now... Staying at home crying over spilled milk will not get you anywhere.
butterfly2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 LOL.... I likde the stubbed toe explanation....
Author Dims85 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Thnx guys for the slap in the face. Thats why I posted here instead of going with the first instict to call. Nice analogy with the stubbed toe geegirl. I will continue with the NC I am trying to keep busy its just always on my mind no matter what.. still in the stages of denial i guess
geegirl Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Denial is a normal stage of grieving and healing. It's expected so just go through the feelings but don't react on them. Just keep doing the work. Remind yourself why you are doing this and focus on where you want to be. Keep thinking of how great that feeling is going to be when you wake up one day and you feel you great about life. Keep thinking about what it is going to feel like when you find indifference and you can enjoy a beautiful day even if it is by yourself. Keep thinking about what it is going to feel like when you're out and about one day and realize you hardly thought about her. Imagine the relief of having that emotional freedom. These are your goals. And you will achieve them through NC. butterfly: I like that toe analogy too! Visualized it many times in my head when I wanted to break NC.
depplover_1980 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Dims, great advice given to you so far. It is all about keeping your head above water at this stage. I would recommend the 'one day at a time' philosophy. Wake up, telling yourself 'today I won't contact her', then get yourself out and about, get through that day, then repeat. Try not to think too far ahead, or it can just seem so burdensome and heavy.
Author Dims85 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I just cant seem to tell myself its over.... She is so confused our last messages to eachother were how much she loved me and wants to be with me she just has too much stuff going on and is really stressed out. I know she is messed up due to her family situation and is always worried about her life ending up like that. I know i messed up and did everything wrong during the 1 month break we had leading up the the split by calling and texting at least every other day. I am worried I pushed her away with that and am now depserately trying to get her back, and hoping the NC will do that. I know im probably wrong with my thought process I just can't give up on this yet.I just don't know what to do i'm so lost and confused also, she is on my cell family plan and I am trying to continue with the NC but I also don't just want to disconnect her line, I still have her keys to her house and her stuff and want to use these things as an excuse to call or talk to her. What do I do?
callsign Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 These things are sometimes quite clear, other times not so much. How did you break up? Future actions depend on that reason.
Author Dims85 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 when she left me on saturday, we had been on a break for a month already. I did everything wrong during that month as I called all the time wanting to work it out fix things blah blah blah.which she repsonded towards the end of the break that wasn't respecting her space. The break started because we had been arguing about how little we hung out and how i didn't feel like i was a priority anymore. sex life gone as of dec. i work 50 hr weeks, she works 40 hr weeks but spread over 6 days and goes to school 2 days and wants to have a life with friends. I understand that all, I just wanted 1-2 days a week to just hang out and have a good time. we would hang out 1-2 times a week but for a ocmbined total of like 4 hours sometimes which sucked since when she went with her firends it would be all night even staying at her g/f house overnight. i didn;t like one of her g/f who i think is a little slutty. we hung out 5 times 3 of those times i saw her p*ssy. Not the ideal friend for my fiance in my eyes she didnt agree"just cause my friend acts like that doesn't mean i do" So she says we need to take a break at the end of february after i asked her if she even misses not having sex anymore and how can we fix this. she says we need to take some time to fix us and ourselves how i am her number 1 go to person the love of her life and she only wants to be with me. a week later she feels like we are completely different people and we need to become friends in order to fix things. She thinks by me saying i am upset with things that she is not the person i want which is not what i said at all. she then tells me on st pattys day that she has decided to not have kids as she doesnt want to sacrifice her life. i was upset at her selfishness in making that decision alone, which she responds "ultimately its my choice: which i do agree with it was the fact she came to that decision without discussing it with me knowing full well i want children. last saturday we talked and she told me she has no time to be in a relationship its not the right time for her she is so busy and can't keep doing this to me and not giving me what i deserve. I told her we can work on thses things i'm understanding of her issues which she never stressed were so bad until this point. She said she loved me more than anything and would want nothing more than to be back together again sunday when i text her how i felt and she just said sorry its just not the right time i need to take care of a lot of things right now, i'm sorry if you think its a cop out its not. she told me she loved me so much and is proud of what i have accomplished at work and she hopes only for the best for me and wants me to be happy. She then text my mom saying how hard this is what is she doing she is so confused??? I know she has had a bad upbringing and her family life is messed up, thats what makes me believe she is just scared of this and is very confused. everyone who saw us together could tell how much we loved eachother and i'm not the only one who is confused by her actions. I don't know what to do anymore, im hoping the nc will bring her back but i dont know.
depplover_1980 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 It is such a helpless situation to be in right now, it is incredibly frustrating - believe me, we have all been there. You need to get her keys to her and anything else ideally tomorrow because while you have them, it always keeps your head backwards and planning. Only when you are free of her stuff and excuses can you go into real no contact. Have you read the guide by Gator and all the comments? There will be many guys on there who have been through just what you are right now - you are not alone in this Dim. You've already tried other methods of winning her back and as we all know, it has the opposite effect. Don't be fooled into her 'confusion', often dumpers will use such tactics because they can't be cruel enough to tell you the truth. You have to live by her actions and right now that is she wants to be away from you. So give her stuff back immediately and start putting some real space between you both. She needs to realise what the reality is of not having you in her life. She asked to be alone, so you should show her exactly what that means. I just cant seem to tell myself its over.... She is so confused our last messages to eachother were how much she loved me and wants to be with me she just has too much stuff going on and is really stressed out. I know she is messed up due to her family situation and is always worried about her life ending up like that. I know i messed up and did everything wrong during the 1 month break we had leading up the the split by calling and texting at least every other day. I am worried I pushed her away with that and am now depserately trying to get her back, and hoping the NC will do that. I know im probably wrong with my thought process I just can't give up on this yet.I just don't know what to do i'm so lost and confused also, she is on my cell family plan and I am trying to continue with the NC but I also don't just want to disconnect her line, I still have her keys to her house and her stuff and want to use these things as an excuse to call or talk to her. What do I do?
TheLoneSock Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Right now she doesn't think she made a mistake. If you call her, you will cement this in her mind forever.
Author Dims85 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 thats why not matter how much i cry complain about it, i post here instead. I want to so badly break NC but I know I will go back to square 1 if not further back. Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement.
Author Dims85 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 I know I need to give her things back....Do I cancel her phone plan without letting her know??? She has been on my plan the whole time we have been together and she pays for it, except for this last month where we were on a break (forgot to ask for it) I really don't want to break NC but I also don't want to be an ass and just kill the line one day. Any adivce on how to handle my current dilemma???
depplover_1980 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I know I need to give her things back....Do I cancel her phone plan without letting her know??? She has been on my plan the whole time we have been together and she pays for it, except for this last month where we were on a break (forgot to ask for it) I really don't want to break NC but I also don't want to be an ass and just kill the line one day. Any adivce on how to handle my current dilemma??? Are there any mutual friends that could take the things to her, or any of your friends to help you out or family? You could always let her know about the plan in an email, but one email detailing what is happening and no getting embroiled in her moaning about it, cos she will!
Author Dims85 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 I had my brother ask her for the money she owed since he manages the bill and he told her he is going to remove her from it and she said she already talked to my mom about it, which she never did. I don't know what games she is playing by trying to say she has taken care of it when she hasn't but its just weird. I am not cancelling her number i am only removing her from my contract but that requires her actually going in to change it...waiting to see if that occurs or else I will have to cancel the line.
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