dazzler824 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Hello, I'm a 26-year old male. I'll be 27 in a month. I had been dating my boss's daughter for the past year. We went engagement ring shopping in November. We were going to get engaged some time this summer. On Valentine's Day, she wrote me this beautiful card about how I was the best boyfriend she's ever had and could ever ask for. She said she was so blessed to have me as her boyfriend and best friend, and that she couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life with me. She's 22, by the way. Five days after that, she told she was having some doubts. A week later, she told me that we should not be boyfriend/girlfriend and just take a step back. Two weeks after that, she said we couldn't talk anymore. That's when I did all the wrong things and cried and begged and pleaded for her to stay in my life. I loved her and didn't want to be without her. After another week, she decided we could stay friends. A couple days after that, she decided we couldn't be friends and that she was cutting off all communication. I ran into her at the bookstore a few days after, and I made a desperate fool of myself, crying and begging her to come back to me. Since then, she's blocked me on Facebook and Skype. She says we can't communicate at all. She says not to email her or call her anymore. She says she won't be emailing or calling me either. She said she needs time to be alone and work on her relationship with God. For the past year, her and I were so close. We had such a strong bond and went through a lot to be together. Her dad wasn't happy about us dating. I also broke up with a girlfriend of 3 years to be with her. I was so in love and wanted to marry her so bad. She always said she felt the same, and now suddenly and drastically, she's completely out of my life and wants nothing to do with me. I've never yelled at her. I've never called her a bad name. I've always been so loving and respectful and kind to her. I've helped her so much with all problems, and she's always told me how incredibly appreciate she is about how giving and selfless I've been to her. I wish I wouldn't have pushed her these last few weeks. I never called her consistently. I'd always call her once and wait for her to call me back, sometimes she'd even answer on my first call. I even saw her at church just four days ago, and she called me 10 minutes after we talked to apologize for being awkward. Since then, she completely refuses to talk to me in any manner. She said that we rushed into marriage talk, which was all her idea to talk about it. She said she's not ready for a relationship like this. I can live with that, but I don't understand why she has completely cut me out of her life and is now treating me like she just found out I'm a serial killer. We were best friends for the past year and talked/texted all day, every day. We got along so well! What can I do??? Will she ever try to contact me again???
VJohnson32 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I know it hurts like nothing else ... i feel your pain. But at this point you really cant do much, you did all you could. Did all the wrong moves by begging and crying to her, however its completely natural and you shouldnt be ashamed. Emotions always take the best of us. By reading your story I would assume that she got cold feet and pictured herself being married to you and being with you for the rest of her life and she being younger than you (22) its perfectly normal at that age. Maybe she wants to explore some more before committing... but you never know and obviously she wouldnt give you a closure for some unknown reason. If she wants nothing to do with you then give her exactly what she wants...disappear from her life. NC. Even if she initiates, dont respond. Let her come to you ...in meantime take care of yourself and begin the healing process. Its easier said than done but this the only option you have.
Author dazzler824 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Thanks for your response. The pain has been incredible these last few weeks, and it seems like she's just going on without me like I never existed. We've spent a year waking up talking to each other and going to bed talking to each other. How can she turn so fast and not look back? According to her mom, she talks to her mom about everything, but she isn't talking about this at all. I would like to know why she can't communicate with me, and why she is being so cruel about making sure I don't talk to her. I can't think of one time where I was ever even kind of mean to this girl.
JasonRules Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Daz, Your ex girlfriend in all likelihood met someone else and dumped you.
VJohnson32 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Thanks for your response. The pain has been incredible these last few weeks, and it seems like she's just going on without me like I never existed. We've spent a year waking up talking to each other and going to bed talking to each other. How can she turn so fast and not look back? According to her mom, she talks to her mom about everything, but she isn't talking about this at all. I would like to know why she can't communicate with me, and why she is being so cruel about making sure I don't talk to her. I can't think of one time where I was ever even kind of mean to this girl. I know exactly what you mean. So many questions and no answers. No closure, its killing you slowly... you doubt yourself and feel like you did something wrong. But if you are one of the few lucky ones, like me ... you will get your answer. I was dumped for no reason out of blue and lied to for over a month and was given so many reasons as to why she broke up with me until recently I guess she decided to come clean and tell me she was with somebody else for over a month. Which didnt make things feel any better but at least I knew now why ... and felt a bit better about myself.
JasonRules Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I know exactly what you mean. So many questions and no answers. No closure, its killing you slowly... you doubt yourself and feel like you did something wrong. But if you are one of the few lucky ones, like me ... you will get your answer. I was dumped for no reason out of blue and lied to for over a month and was given so many reasons as to why she broke up with me until recently I guess she decided to come clean and tell me she was with somebody else for over a month. Which didnt make things feel any better but at least I knew now why ... and felt a bit better about myself. Isn't this usually the case 9 out of 10 times? Let's not be naive fools... Just because a woman doesn't have the courage to tell you doesn't mean she's not doing it.
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) I somehow can understand your pain. My ex bf and I bought engagement rings and planned to get engaged this end of year. However, he gave up on me. You have to ask yourself, Do you want to be with a person for life who treats you this way even before getting married? "Since then, she completely refuses to talk to me in any manner. She said that we rushed into marriage talk, which was all her idea to talk about it. She said she's not ready for a relationship like this. I can live with that, but I don't understand why she has completely cut me out of her life and is now treating me like she just found out I'm a serial killer. We were best friends for the past year and talked/texted all day, every day. We got along so well! What can I do??? Will she ever try to contact me again???" After dumpers left dumpees, typically there are only 2 types of actions they will do. 1. Still by your side but don't want to be with you again - They will contact you - They will answer your phone calls, your messages - They will still treat you like a "Friend", and some dumpees stay around hoping that "Friend" will change to "lover" - They keep you in their lives, however they don't have any thoughts to be with you again. 2. Avoid you at all cost (This is the total opposite from number 1) - Never initiate any calls to you - Never reply your phone calls and messages - Cut you off completely from their lives You have to think about this carefully, if she talks to you, treats you as her friend but totally has no wish to be with you again, do you want that? Do you want to be confused and stay in limbo for a very long period of them? No body likes to get dumped, abandoned, rejected. However, you have to start to see that unpleasant thing happened is a blessing in disguise. You typed it yourself, We were best friends for the past year and talked/texted all day, every day. We got along so well! All these are in the past, it does not represent how she treats and values you today.We got along so well and it is not we are getting along so well. "How can she turn so fast and not look back? According to her mom, she talks to her mom about everything, but she isn't talking about this at all. I would like to know why she can't communicate with me, and why she is being so cruel about making sure I don't talk to her. I can't think of one time where I was ever even kind of mean to this girl." It no longer matters why she is not communicating with you, she chose this path herself. Therefore, you can choose your own path to move on and be happy. Your happiness always come from yourself, you don't live your happiness from someone else. Now you believe she is meaning cruel to you, why do you want to put yourself in this unhealthy situation. It is not worth it, not for your well-being. What do you do? Seek NC right away. The sooner you start, the faster and earlier you recover, unless you don't mind being sad for a long time. - NC is not initiating any forms of contact with your ex-gf. - NC is not responding/replying to any of her messages, contacts, breadcrumbs (any signals from her will be completely cut off from you.) - NC is also not finding out what your ex-gf is doing, thinking and feeling. and do whatever it takes to maintain NC and be happy again. Edited April 1, 2011 by Fufu
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