lost.soul Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hi all, This is my firs post, I hope you can read it full. This is my first post, hard time in my life; I am in my 40’s that doesn’t seem to get me smarter and wiser. I meet this girl long ago, everything was just beautiful, just perfect, we saw each other for long time every day, sharing almost everything, I was careful since I leave my last relation because I was not happy with it anymore. So I move on. For the first year we were great just fantastic, we share every moment with passion and love, I felt totally immerse, grateful of being a gentleman for my lady, somehow she kept sending SMS and messages to me at all times, for some times I felt like a need some space, so I start to insinuate her to just take it down a little bit with the messages which were a lot along the day, I never guess that was a turn off for her, she accepted but never liked, then problems start, complaints about my dog, my space, many things of me, I was just telling her that we can solve it and work it out if we concede a little bit from each side, I love her so I didn’t want to hurt her or lose her. But her continuous complaints were cooling me down, I felt like we were fighting over and over the same details, we talk but never communicate, then I saw the first alerts, she start to separate, I was so scared that I talk her to be back to all those messages and details, I love to give her flowers, and more, but she just said it, “I think I need time far from you, to know if I can keep going.” I said no, if this can be fix we fix it together, so she accepted at the time, but things didn’t came better, last week I had to travel for one week, so I arrange a huge flower present for her, while I was absent, along that week in the distance I call her every night, she was sweet but colder, I notice it. When I came back, she didn’t pick me up at the airport, instead she went with her friends to some event and lunch, I came back home by myself, totally sad. She call me that night, was not even able to see me on the face, she said she wanted to talk and we start to argue when I let her know I was sad for her attitude, we argued more and agreed to talk Sunday morning, so I didn’t sleep well that night, I wake up at 3 AM and started to clean my apartment. In the morning she came in, she told me she loves me deeply but I have hurt her a lot when I didn’t let her send me all those messages, when she told me she didn’t like my dog at home and I ignore her. She thinks my dog is more important for me than her, that is not true, I tried to explain her that my dog is not an object that I should dump to the street just because I love a girl that doesn’t t like it, she never accepted my explanation. That Sunday she told me she needs time, but she didn’t want to keep me waiting for her, I told her that is not a petition of time, is one way to say good bye, then it hit me hard, I couldn’t hold it together any more, I cried, I beg, for her to stay, she tried to comfort me but I think it was more because of the way I cried so broken. I ask her to leave, I ask her to let me keep my dignity and not see me like that, without any value. She walk away, after few hours she send me SMS asking how I was, I reply a few times with I love you, then she call me, asking where I was, I told her at my home, she told me she was coming and she did, She stand up in front of me and told me “Don’t you ever dare to break my heart again” when she said that I felt on my knees and beg forgiveness for any action that might hurt her. She told me that not all is forgotten, I still have to give her time without pushing her, I accept, we went to my room and she ask me to make her love, I am embarrassed to said I could barely get an erection, that night barely sleep. Then I start to notice it, I sent her few messages telling her “I love you” some of them she responded with “Me too” but nothing else, I start to look for information to see what to do, I saw many books on how to deal with this situation, the common idea was “let her go, let her have her time and if she loves me, she will come back some day” but she don’t want to brake communication with me, I got cold and flu, so she was checking on me, but I Do love her with my life, so Tuesday I gather all my strength or what it was left and meet her for lunch I told her to take her time, I will be waiting for her when she is ready. But as soon I get home she send me a message asking how I feel, I started all over, couldn’t sleep a single hour, every time that I closed my eyes she was there, and I started to cry again. Yesterday I didn’t went to work, felt really bad without sleep, so I stayed at home trying to care of my cold, it was a horrible day, I couldn’t sleep at night again, same as the day before, every time I closed my eyes she was there with her magical smile, and I started to cry and beg God for help. Today I went to the doctor , my cold is nothing serious, but my emotional state has made everything worse, I have burning in my stomach, barely can eat without throwing out half of the food, doctor was nice and give me some tranquilizers to sleep, and told me to have faith, you are a good man, he told me, she cannot deny that, I went to my office to take care of some stuff and she call me again to see how I was doing, I told her what the doctor told me about my emotional state, she told me I shouldn’t do that, she was feeling guilty because of what is going on with me. Then I ramped on her, telling her that I don’t understand how she says she loves me and she is not willing to work out a solution for our problems, she told me plain and simple that my words were not helping at all, then I shut up and apologize again, I told her that I shouldn’t say that, and good bye. She sent me a message later that just said “Please relax” I answer with another message telling her how I am sorry, this is so new and difficult for me, but I didn’t mean to make her feel bad and that I love her. This has been the story, I been reading like crazy all kind of ideas on how to get her back, all the ideas basically explain the same, give time and distance, but none of them tells how to do it, how do I give her space when she fill my space all the time. We share a lot of time together, now I feel empty all around totally alone, I don’t drink, have only a couple of friends who are usually very busy, no one to talk. I also learn that this could take serious time, those who got their love back took from 2 months to years, and how you do it????? How you support yourselves for that time without feeling your guts explode or the stomach burn in pain every time you think on her??? How you control your anxiety to run to her and beg again??? She wants me to be solid as the man she knew, how can I be the same man after I’ve been destroyed totally??? Las thing she told me, she loves my messages, and she feel sad because is the only communication we have, but later she feel angry, for all that has happened, and she still need her time. For this who have been there. How you do it, how you gather strength to tell her good bye without thinking that she might never go back again. Pleas any idea?
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