First She Wants Me Back, Then She Tells Me Not To Talk To Her, Now She Misses Me.....

[TG4MJ]

So yeah, this is kind of tripping me out. I got back together with an ex, and she took me back with alot of enthusiasm, and things were going really well, then out of nowhere she got mad at me and told me to get a real job because she found it embarassing to date a delivery man, then I went and literally did as she told me (quit my job, applied and got hired at the very place she told me to work at). Then hoping this move would win her back, tried to just tell her I miss her. Rather than notice my awesome ability to overcome and adapt as well as my genuine desire to have her in my life, she chose to dwell on the fact that I violated her demand to not speak to her and proceeded to slap, punch, kick and elbow me senseless, (she was really bad about slapping me over weird stuff the first time we dated but promised she'd never do it again, guess that was a lie).

 

Now, out of nowhere, she's been txting me all week talking about how much she misses me and how she wants me back because guys who are "Sweet and romantic" like me are rare nowadays, and I just don't know what to think, I mean if you want to be with someone, then be with them, but if you don't, then leave em alone, but when she constantly changes her mind, it kind of wears on me mentally and emotionally. No idea what to think about this, what do you all think ?

[BlindRage]

She physically abuses you? That is not right at all. Why would you want that? I know you love her but theres a line here too -which she crossed-.

[TG4MJ]

Well not exactly, just some times I do things upset her or she'll see me talk to other girls and get jealous and stuff like that, so it's not like she hits me just to hit me, and of course this last time she did make it clear that she didn't want me to talk to her. In retrospect it was kind of my fault because let's face it, how would u like it if you told someone to stay away from you and they showed up on your doorstep uninvited and stuff ya know? I'll be honest, I'm still on the fence about going back to her, just think its weird how she goes back and forth from stay away from me to I miss you over and over again.

[BlindRage]

What you are doing now is justifying her behavior. It is NEVER okay for that to happen, even if you showed up unwanted, she could have just not answered to you.

[angelboots]

you sound exactly like any woman who has been in an abusive relationship.. regardless of the fact you are male and she is female, you are in an abusive relationship and that NEVER ends well.

 

over time you will make so many excuses for her behaviour that you will lose your sense of self. Your self esteem will plummet because you can never seem to get anything right.. eventually you will leave her or she will leave you and when you do you wont know how to function properly on your own because every time you try to do something for yourself the ex's voice will be triggered in your head telling you not to do, or that you are useless or pathetic, what ever they called you.

 

there are many different types of abuse, physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual, cultural...

 

if you stay in an abusive relationship too long it does set up a brain path pattern that will make you only attracted to other abusive women in the future also.

 

You need to tell this woman to go to hell n stay there,,

 

I know because I live it, I also grew up watching my dad run around after he's abusive ex wife for 17 years. She would hit him, call him names, leave him, come back, hit him some more. It got to the point he couldn't talk to anyone, wasn't allowed to have friends and in the end she also became jealous of us, his children and he left us too.

 

She used to cry after she had been abusive, tell him it wasn't her fault, she was a victim of a hard life, he couldn't leave her, she loved him, only he understood her etc, then she would seduce him and then bang the cycle of abuse would start again.

 

She eventually left him for another man and continues to control dad because now they have kids together. He has never had another relationship and still mourns losing her.. its horrible to watch as he is only in he's mid forties so with luck he still has many years left and i would hate to see him go through them alone because she destroyed his self esteem.

 

Get out while you can lol.. go watch the Eddie Murphy movie Norbert, Raspewsha is a great example of who your current g/f might turn out to be in the end. You deserve better then that.

 

good luck

xx

[Duckduckgoose]

WHOA NELLY she's physically abusing you?

 

Leave now. Its not cute, its violent. Don't take that ****. Let her beat up on someone else... or no one at all.

[D-Lish]

Dude, imagine if you were the one that slapped, puched and kicked her everytime you got upset... would that be okay? Would it be her fault, and could you justify her deserving it?

 

She be crazy... end it.

[silic0ntoad]

Tell this b*tch to get bent bro. Anyone can do better then a clear imbecile who implodes and beats people.

[Frank13]

I violated her demand to not speak to her and proceeded to slap, punch, kick and elbow me senseless, (she was really bad about slapping me over weird stuff the first time we dated but promised she'd never do it again, guess that was a lie).

 

I have never hit a woman and I never would, however, when a woman puts herself in a man's position by striking him, she deserves to be hit back.

[TG4MJ]

Dude, imagine if you were the one that slapped, puched and kicked her everytime you got upset... would that be okay? Would it be her fault, and could you justify her deserving it?

 

She be crazy... end it.

 

 

Well I guess I have a different idea of abuse from you all or something, see what you described was different. I'm a guy, guys aren't supposed to hit women, it forever stigmatizes a guy when he becomes known for hitting a female. When a girl hits a guy, its never really taken seriously, other women view the hitting female as some kind of hot shot heroine type who stood up to a man, and other men view the guy as well, lets face it, we're guys, to other guys a dude who got beat up by his woman is a little b****, and you hardly ever hear the phrase "abuse" or "beaten" to describe her actions, so, yeah, kinda shocked to see people who think its the same even if the hitter is the woman.

 

One last thing, and I don't know if this is of any relevance at all, but despite her flurry of hits and kicks, she didn't really do any real damage. Like there was visible damage on my face but it was minimal, quite frankly I've gotten worse rough housing with my friends but I just thought I'd mention that.

[angelboots]

http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm

 

Violence committed against men is reported less for exactly the reason you have said but it doesn't change the fact it happens or the fact that it is happening to you.

 

I dont think retaliated violence is the answer either but maybe our advice can help you put things in perspective. A person has no right to try to control another person and there should never be a relationship where both people CANT have equal power in the relationship.

 

The fact she expects you to change jobs to keep her happy, not talk to any other girl to keep her happy, to be at her beck and call to keep her happy... or this is the result

 

""I violated her demand to not speak to her and proceeded to slap, punch, kick and elbow me senseless, (she was really bad about slapping me over weird stuff the first time we dated but promised she'd never do it again, guess that was a lie).

 

I say F that bull and go find a real woman.

Edited April 3, 2011 by angelboots

[TG4MJ]

Sorry I never got back to you guys on this, I've been pretty swamped at work. Just started another block of cross training for another dept at my new job.

 

I thought alot about what you guys were saying and well, I tried to utilize it in telling her about how all of this makes me feel, and, as messed up as it's gonna sound to you all, I still don't know what to think. I told her how embarassing and degrading it is to have to show up at a new job with a beaten up face, and just generally how embarassing and degrading it is to come to the realization that I don't back down from any man, yet get *sigh* abused by a female. I kind of anticipated like a barage of emasculating and mean comments, but I got the complete opposite.

 

She basically sobbed uncontrollably, talked about how she gets scared that I'm gonna screw around behind her back like her ex husband, talked about all the insecurities she has about herself and how she misses me and how she misses little romantic things I would do for her and stuff like that. She swears that if I gave her a chance she'd never hit me again no matter what. I really don't know what to make of it because on one hand, you all say what she does is violent, but at the same time, I don't know violent people who cry and get down on themselves and stuff. It's kind of a trip. I mean I have a heart, I get some of where she's coming from.

 

Still just don't know what to think about any of this, I mean I figured if she was really a violent maniac she'd feel no remorse about what she did, but she seems genuinely sorry she did it. Still don't know what to think about all this, what do you all think ?