Butterfly5525 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) When first starting NC with an ex, do you think it's best to send them an email or something & let them know why you're going NC? Or, do you think it's best to just suddenly dissapear completely from their life with no explanation given? This is assuming you're hoping to be able to reconcile with your ex at some point.... I can see possible pros & cons of both ways of handling it, so just looking for others opinions on this. Edited March 31, 2011 by Butterfly5525
EmperorR Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I prefer to just disappear, mainly because say you do break NC, telling them your going nc then breaking it shows they still have the power etc., you couldn't be strong and not contact them. By disappearing say you do break NC that you should have not anyways at least they won't be thinking I knew she/he could not stop talking to me.
Layzie89 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 If you tell them youre going NC it takes away that mystery factor that you're going for. They wont be wondering why you havent contacted them bc youve already told them youre going NC. As emperor said, youre also giving them the power to initiate contact whwnever they please. Just disappear, no explanation needed.
Author Butterfly5525 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Thanks for the input Emperor & Layzie. What do you guys mean by "you're giving them the power to initiate contact whenever they please"? Sorry if that seems like a dumb question. It's been a long day today...
Layzie89 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 What I mean is like, by you telling your ex that you're going to start NC..it makes it much easier for them because they know exactly what you're up to. They know you're going NC and they know your reason for it. By not telling them you're going NC it allows your ex to wonder a bit about you. Why hasn't she called? Why all of a sudden has she stopped trying? It makes it harder on them, and they may start missing you. By telling them you're going NC what you're really doing is letting them know "Hey, I'm not going to try and be the one to initiate contact you but if ever you do feel like talking, contact me whenever you wish. I'll still be here" Kinda hard to put in words...but do you catch my drift? Sorry if it's a bit unclear, hopefully Emperor can clarify
Author Butterfly5525 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Layzie, Thanks for clarifying that for me. I totally get it now.
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Just disappear, why do you think of you guys may reconcile, this thought will just hinder you truly letting go of them.
ascoteton77 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 In my opinion, two ways of dealing with NC... 1) NC is great if you want to move on but have the door open just in case. In that case, sending a letter or something is a good way because then the other person will have you in their mind. If you drop off after a break, that's a sign you just want to move on and forget about the past. 2) NC is complete and utter garbage if you want to try reconcile with someone and you're emotionally strong. If you're emotionally strong, then it'll be easier to deal with rejection if you try to get them back. I guess my situation has been different then alot of people in that I've got an individual therapist helping me as well as a couple counselor who helped me and her at the same time and then just me alone. I think because I'm armed with this type of help, I've dealt with alot of crappy issues and has made me quite in touch emotionally. So these are just my two cents. I don't care if I'm right or wrong about this. I think in you situation # 1 is your best option here...
Andymack Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I wish I hadn't said that I wouldn't contact them again and just gone NC. My situ was a bit different as me and my ex were arguing on text and i was kind of backed into a corner and the only strong way out of it that I could see was to say I'd leave them alone and never talk to them again. Given my time over again I would just have disappeared as it gives you more options at a later time. If you say you're not going to talk to them and then break NC it shows that you were lying which I doubt will endear yourself to you ex. At least if you say nothing you've got nothing to go back on. I don't know if it's the same with you as it was with me but I was hoping for a response that never came, so if that's your plan I wouldn't do it as you'll probably be disappointed.
Frank13 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 When first starting NC with an ex, do you think it's best to send them an email or something & let them know why you're going NC? Or, do you think it's best to just suddenly dissapear completely from their life with no explanation given? This is assuming you're hoping to be able to reconcile with your ex at some point.... I can see possible pros & cons of both ways of handling it, so just looking for others opinions on this. NO NO NO. Never tell them. It is like telling the enemy that you have them in your sights and are about to pull the trigger. One of your best weapons is to let them wonder why. When you just disappear they get a kick in the @ss that maybe you don't need them. You the dumper suddenly become the dumpee. All sorts of things run through their mind including wondering if you are with someone else. If they dumped you, they didn't care about you so why should you care about them. By telling them why, they don't have to wonder and then they just move on. Never tell them why as it takes away your big advantage.
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