JamesDean5398 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hi, I been dating for 8 months. She is 43. I am 40. She has 3 children. I have none. We have talked about marriage. The problem is I drive one hour to work. And she has an 8 year who is hard to manage. I just don't think the mother can handle the daughter, and I am worn out just for the fact that I can only give ideas. My girlfriend accepts my ideas, but she is totally run over by her daughter. The ex is forever out if the picture because of domestic violence. I don't even know how to bring it up about breaking up. Thanks for help. I love her but I don't have the patience with the daughter. The mother wants to bring her everywhere with us. She brought her to a birthday dinner for adults. It was my girlfriends best friend. The little girl threw a fit. I want to break up but make it less painful as possible and be out of it.
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 No easy way to do it. Probably best to go to her place so you can just leave after you are done breaking up. Don’t make it about the kid. Just say you really liked dating her and she’s great but you don’t see this going any farther. Just say you’ve lost interest in the relationship. Stay vague and just say it’s not working out and its more about what you are looking for then something that’s wrong.
Author JamesDean5398 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Cool suggestion. I have been living since before Christmas. I have lots of possession there. I wanted to leave after Christmas, buy the family nice presents, then leave on a happy note. So, thus is how long that I been thinking about it. I was trying to make sure to give it another try, and I did many times. And it seems like the same old situation. Her son is 24 out of the house, and her daughter is 13 and paraplegic, who needs constant care, but then the8 year old wants to be the center of attention.
happily_ever_after Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 There is no easy way. Are you two living together?
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Cool suggestion. I have been living since before Christmas. I have lots of possession there. I wanted to leave after Christmas, buy the family nice presents, then leave on a happy note. So, thus is how long that I been thinking about it. I was trying to make sure to give it another try, and I did many times. And it seems like the same old situation. Her son is 24 out of the house, and her daughter is 13 and paraplegic, who needs constant care, but then the8 year old wants to be the center of attention. You’ve already expressed your dissatisfaction. The break up isn’t the time to fix that. If you want to work on it more I suggest you do that with out the threat of breaking up. Since you live together I suggest you plan it all out before hand. Pack up all your stuff in secret and move it to your new place. Then be ready for her when she gets home to let her no you are leaving. Your dissatisfaction has not been a secret even if she acts surprised. You're not doing any favors by breaking up and then continuing to live there while you figure stuff out. Be moved out when you have the talk. Then leave and break all contact other then to talk about bills or important things. Since you moved into her place you shouldn’t feel to bad about leaving it. If you think she has budgeted in money from you to make it through the month then just give it to her as a courtesy.
Author JamesDean5398 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Yes, she knows that I have been dissatisfied. She tries to make it better, and acknowledged to me that she doesn't know how to make it better with me. She says that I dont spend enough time with her daughter, and that I should try to understand the daughter. And what the the mother is going through. (the mother has to keep both of us separated in order for me to be happy.) My birthday is coming up and she wants to throw a party for me.
happily_ever_after Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Yes, she knows that I have been dissatisfied. She tries to make it better, and acknowledged to me that she doesn't know how to make it better with me. She says that I dont spend enough time with her daughter, and that I should try to understand the daughter. And what the the mother is going through. (the mother has to keep both of us separated in order for me to be happy.) My birthday is coming up and she wants to throw a party for me. You do not need to wait. If your girlfriend is keeping her daughter away from you to keep you happy, you should have been gone. Man up, pack your things, talk to her and move on. That is no way for anyone to live.
TryingtoUnderstand32 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hi, I been dating for 8 months. She is 43. I am 40. She has 3 children. I have none. We have talked about marriage. The problem is I drive one hour to work. And she has an 8 year who is hard to manage. I just don't think the mother can handle the daughter, and I am worn out just for the fact that I can only give ideas. My girlfriend accepts my ideas, but she is totally run over by her daughter. The ex is forever out if the picture because of domestic violence. I don't even know how to bring it up about breaking up. Thanks for help. I love her but I don't have the patience with the daughter. The mother wants to bring her everywhere with us. She brought her to a birthday dinner for adults. It was my girlfriends best friend. The little girl threw a fit. I want to break up but make it less painful as possible and be out of it. You need to do this ASAP. My bf of 8 months just ended things with me. We were supposed to move in together in 2 weeks. He waited until the last hour to end it with me, AFTER I had already turned my life upside to live with him. Turns out he had major reservations about me in general a long time ago, and they are just now coming out. Be 100 percent sure this is what you want. Because you say you love her, you don't want to regret your decision, AFTER breaking her heart. My bf didn't love me so for him I doubt there are any regrets.
TryingtoUnderstand32 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Cool suggestion. I have been living since before Christmas. I have lots of possession there. I wanted to leave after Christmas, buy the family nice presents, then leave on a happy note. So, thus is how long that I been thinking about it. I was trying to make sure to give it another try, and I did many times. And it seems like the same old situation. Her son is 24 out of the house, and her daughter is 13 and paraplegic, who needs constant care, but then the8 year old wants to be the center of attention. You wanted to leave at Christmas? Why on earth are you still there?!!I don't understand why people do this. Some of us dumpees would be in a lot less pain and inconvenience if dumpers grew a set and ended it SOONER. Ridiculous.
Author JamesDean5398 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 I was out the door on Christmas night with my jacket after everybody left. She said to come inside and let's talked. We talked, and she aknowledged that get daughter us difficult, and she understands that I am tired. She asked me if I live her. I said yes. So, that is how we need together. I still love her. I made the effort to talk with the daughter. So, I want to work things out but when it comes to her daughter, I would prefer not tone around her at all. I like the idea of giving her some money to pay for a couple months. It really Is just a matter of days. I wish that I can do it today.
TryingtoUnderstand32 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I was out the door on Christmas night with my jacket after everybody left. She said to come inside and let's talked. We talked, and she aknowledged that get daughter us difficult, and she understands that I am tired. She asked me if I live her. I said yes. So, that is how we need together. I still love her. I made the effort to talk with the daughter. So, I want to work things out but when it comes to her daughter, I would prefer not tone around her at all. I like the idea of giving her some money to pay for a couple months. It really Is just a matter of days. I wish that I can do it today. Well here daughter is her daughter! She is a package deal. Please do this woman a favor and end it NOW. Let her find a man that she deserves. Because NOBODY deserves to be led on.
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Well here daughter is her daughter! She is a package deal. Please do this woman a favor and end it NOW. Let her find a man that she deserves. Because NOBODY deserves to be led on. Stop putting your own hurt into this. He didn’t lead any one on. He needs to think about himself, and do this for himself. He was this woman’s boyfriend of 8 months, there was every chance in the world this would not work out for a million different reasons. Breaking up doesn’t make him or the woman he is seeing a bad person. I agree the sooner the better if he is determined. Give her the money she may have been depending on for the rest of the month. Tell her face to face that you were sorry it didn’t work out and that she has given you some fond memories. Don’t expect her to be happy. Just leave.
TryingtoUnderstand32 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Stop putting your own hurt into this. He didn’t lead any one on. He needs to think about himself, and do this for himself. He was this woman’s boyfriend of 8 months, there was every chance in the world this would not work out for a million different reasons. Breaking up doesn’t make him or the woman he is seeing a bad person. I agree the sooner the better if he is determined. Give her the money she may have been depending on for the rest of the month. Tell her face to face that you were sorry it didn’t work out and that she has given you some fond memories. Don’t expect her to be happy. Just leave. First of all my opinion is MY opinion. I was not putting "my hurt" into it. I stick by what I said. She deserves to be with a man that actually wants to be with her, not one with doubts.
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 First of all my opinion is MY opinion. I was not putting "my hurt" into it. I stick by what I said. She deserves to be with a man that actually wants to be with her, not one with doubts. He’s aloud to decide the daughter thing isn’t working out for him. He owes this woman no favors beyond being honest, and we have no reason to accuse him of being anything but. Whether she finds another man, or him another women isn’t the issue, things aren’t working from his perspective. He’s entitled to that opinion. He’s just looking for a good way to end things if that is even possible. That doesn’t mean he is leading her on. They worked through their Christmas argument but the issues keep coming up. He’s aloud to break up with the woman without being talked to the way you have.
TryingtoUnderstand32 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 He’s aloud to decide the daughter thing isn’t working out for him. He owes this woman no favors beyond being honest, and we have no reason to accuse him of being anything but. Whether she finds another man, or him another women isn’t the issue, things aren’t working from his perspective. He’s entitled to that opinion. He’s just looking for a good way to end things if that is even possible. That doesn’t mean he is leading her on. They worked through their Christmas argument but the issues keep coming up. He’s aloud to break up with the woman without being talked to the way you have. That is your opinion.
WorldIsYours Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hi, I been dating for 8 months. She is 43. I am 40. She has 3 children. I have none. We have talked about marriage. The problem is I drive one hour to work. And she has an 8 year who is hard to manage. I just don't think the mother can handle the daughter, and I am worn out just for the fact that I can only give ideas. My girlfriend accepts my ideas, but she is totally run over by her daughter. The ex is forever out if the picture because of domestic violence. I don't even know how to bring it up about breaking up. Thanks for help. I love her but I don't have the patience with the daughter. The mother wants to bring her everywhere with us. She brought her to a birthday dinner for adults. It was my girlfriends best friend. The little girl threw a fit. I want to break up but make it less painful as possible and be out of it. I do agree that if this is bothering you a lot, that you should probably leave. Is she not giving her kids enough discipline? But whatever is going on that girl is a child, and children will behave like all children do and they have a lot of energy. With that said just understand that your girlfriend will not compromise her relationship with her children for you. Maybe this problem is stemming from the fact that you have no experience with children, and need to learn how to be patient with them.
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 That is your opinion. Yes, and your opinion makes negative judgments about the OP.
Author JamesDean5398 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Thank you everyone for the kind post. Well, I broke up with her Friday morning, just before going to work. I didn't hardly sleep Thursday night. she asked for an explanation. And I gave it to her. She wanted a discussion. We discussed it. Thanks again everybody who posted.
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