SingVoice Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I have been thinking about this a lot today. I have gotten a lot of support from LS...and great advice. I think that one of the mistakes people make when they get dumped is not allowing themselves to grieve. I think we all tell people "Go NC! Keep yourself busy! Try something new!" Then after a month...they break NC. I think it is absolutely necessary to allow yourself a few days of "Crazy." (Keep it to yourself though!) I think people need to ALLOW themselves to grieve...to cry....to call their friends for support....to have a big pig out session...to cry some more. I think some of us feel like we have to put on this brave front for everyone...and pretend we are fine...when inside we feel like s***. (I'm not saying you need to let your EX know you are hurting.) For me...some of my most profound realizations have come from allowing myself to indulge in my feelings. To think about what went wrong. To process it all. To cry...to feel out of control. Obviously you don't have to be obsessed about it...but I think we try to convince ourselves that we are "fine" when we should be processing it all. If you just ignore it and pretend...well..then you aren't really dealing with the issues...and you aren't going to come out of it a better person. Again...this shouldn't go on for months...and you shouldn't be excessive about it. But allow yourself the time to talk about it. That's why this forum is great...because I think it allows people to indulge in what's REALLY going on inside of them without the judgement of those around them. I know for myself...I am REALLY good at pretending I am fine. And with my last breakup...I was SO afraid that I was going to do that. But I didn't. I MADE myself deal with things. I FORCED myself to feel things that were unpleasant. And I have learned SO MUCH about myself in doing that.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I agree. I also found that making a list of the pro's and con's was so very beneficial. You'd be surprised at how that can really straighten your head out.
Beeotch Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Indeed... I think you should ask all the questions and be "crazy" within reason for a time and THEN decide to leave it alone and go NC. But pretending you feel nothing, hopping into some rebound scenario and ignoring your ex from day one usually doesn't work....it is normal to have a weaning off process. So definitely I would allow myself that then make the resolve to move forward and start that by NC.
lapse Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I completely agree. I think sometimes we want (or encourage others to) just brush it under the carpet - "drop it". I'm guilty of attempts at avoidance and wishing I could just grab someone's pain and banish it via amnesia. But true... It's really important to work through the feelings. It's also a way of honoring and respecting yourself.
waynebrady Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 What do women have to grieve about? It's always you who ends the relationships, women are always the one who breaks up with the guy not the other way around... I'd think you'd be happy if a relationship ended, you got what you wanted.
lapse Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 What do women have to grieve about? It's always you who ends the relationships, women are always the one who breaks up with the guy not the other way around... I'd think you'd be happy if a relationship ended, you got what you wanted. wayne, yer being a real bonehead.
Beeotch Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I completely agree. I think sometimes we want (or encourage others to) just brush it under the carpet - "drop it". I'm guilty of attempts at avoidance and wishing I could just grab someone's pain and banish it via amnesia. But true... It's really important to work through the feelings. It's also a way of honoring and respecting yourself. Beautifully said
Author SingVoice Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 What do women have to grieve about? It's always you who ends the relationships, women are always the one who breaks up with the guy not the other way around... I'd think you'd be happy if a relationship ended, you got what you wanted. You're right waynebrady. All of these message boards are full of ONLY men who got dumped. There aren't HUNDREDS of women who are hurting because they got dumped. In fact...me who posted this and those who have commented...we didn't get dumped either. We just made it all up. Seriously....what a messed up idiot.
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 We will have to advice the dumpees to seek NC, however they have to be the one to truly convince themselves to start NC. Everyone also has their own ways to get better, cry, eat a lot, shopping, which is fine but there are still people who put themselves in the past too much as they keep on wondering and thinking what their exes are doing, why they are doing this to them, why they are not contacting them and some even still initiate contact with their ex, and some respond to their exs' messages and calls. Going NC is more than just not initiating any contact with your exes. It is also not responding to any of their contact and breadcrumbs and also start to do whatever it takes to think of yourself, your personal well being than wondering what they are doing, thinking and feeling. They leave you, they dump you, they abandon you, they forsake you.......... for dumpees: do you want to leave yourself, dump yourself, abandon yourself and forsake yourself?
Recommended Posts