optimistgirl Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I've been complete NC now for a little less than 2 weeks. I am going out of my mind!! One minute, I'm cursing the ground he walks on and in the next minute, I miss him and I start reminiscing about all the good times we shared together. Does this, or has this happened to anyone else??? This feels like torture. With the exception of one time, I've resisted the urge to contact him, but dealing with all these ups and downs is so difficult. It's driving me insane and all my attempts to put him out of my head have failed. To make matters worse, I have a very important exam I need to pass for work, and I can't concentrate on studying....not one bit. The timing of this breakup couldn't have come at a worse time. I guess I'm making progress since I've stopped crying over him. Does anyone have any NC advice. Just needing a little support today. I feel terrible.
SingVoice Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Some days are better than others. There can be 10 days in a row where you say to yourself "UGH I am SO much better off without him." And then out of nowhere that 11th day comes....and you wake up...and you MISS him. And even though your head says "Hello idiot don't feel this way!!!" your heart says "remember when he held me in his arms..." blah blah blah. When I have had a tough day...thats when I reach out to my friends more. I do allow myself to miss him...but I also keep the negative thoughts in my mind. It's over. And no amount of missing him is worth the pain of having to start the healing process all over.
Author optimistgirl Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Singvoice, Thanks for the words of encouragement. I really needed that. Btw...I read your new thread on allowing yourself to grieve. Well said! That's just what I'm going to allow myself to do. I can't keep pretending like everything is ok, when it's not.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 You'll get there. Time, time,time. Don't beat yourself up for having these feelings. I've seen alot of people post on the thin line between love/hate. That's almost exactly what it feels like in the beginning, especially if they have done something hurtful or broken our trust. Make a list if you need to, write down the pros and cons. That helped me tremendously. I also spent alot of time talking to my friends. What I found, as time passed, was that those conversations with my friends started turning into conversations that didn't include his name. Didn't even realize it was happening. Hang in there!!!
Author optimistgirl Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Hang in there!!! Thanks DollyGirl...I'm trying, I really am.... I'm so glad I found this forum.
Beeotch Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) I've been complete NC now for a little less than 2 weeks. I am going out of my mind!! One minute, I'm cursing the ground he walks on and in the next minute, I miss him and I start reminiscing about all the good times we shared together. Does this, or has this happened to anyone else??? This feels like torture. With the exception of one time, I've resisted the urge to contact him, but dealing with all these ups and downs is so difficult. It's driving me insane and all my attempts to put him out of my head have failed. To make matters worse, I have a very important exam I need to pass for work, and I can't concentrate on studying....not one bit. The timing of this breakup couldn't have come at a worse time. I guess I'm making progress since I've stopped crying over him. Does anyone have any NC advice. Just needing a little support today. I feel terrible. I can empathize...although my breakup was 2 years ago, I do still vividly remember how I felt. Like you, my ex broke up with me during my midterm exams and not only that, 2 days before my birthday! It was soooo upsetting to me, my stomach was constantly upset, I had no appetite, I was crying and felt like I couldn't concentrate; however, I made sure to compartmentalize and prioritize. I had friends that helped to keep me on track and just tried to bury myself in the work I was doing so I didn't think of him too much....ofocurse you still will, but having something to do will help. Take study breaks to also vent on here or with a friend or even to yourself....then do something nice for yourself, like get a treat and continue studying! Your ex is not worth you failing your exam for. I would say that the rollercoaster is the WORST aspect of a breakup and really does you in...but overtime you eventually get off it. But while going through it what helps is to KNOW that it does subside. When I was going through a downward spiral, I'd cry, journal, talk to my bestfriend and just ride it through...because just like when it is night eventually you KNOW the morning comes if you stay up long enough. You're gonna miss him....it's not a crime, you just have to embrace whatever feelings you have and realize, they're just feelings and they do pass. I love the quote: "Don't make permanent decisions on temporary emotions". We're all going to at some point esp during a breakup, phone up our ex, text, or do something on a whim but for the most part as much as you can ride out those feelings of contacting your ex and distract yourself with something else.It feels like the hardest, most impossible thing BUT each day you don't contact your ex it builds your confidence more and more and you begin to feel less and less like you "need" to contact this person. Edited March 31, 2011 by Beeotch
Author optimistgirl Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Your ex is not worth you failing your exam for. You can say that again. I would say that the rollercoaster is the WORST aspect of a breakup and really does you in...but overtime you eventually get off it. . I want off of this rollercoaster now. But while going through it what helps is to KNOW that it does subside. When I was going through a downward spiral, I'd cry, journal, talk to my bestfriend and just ride it through...because just like when it is night eventually you KNOW the morning comes if you stay up long enough. You're gonna miss him....it's not a crime, you just have to embrace whatever feelings you have and realize, they're just feelings and they do pass. I am coming to term with things....slowly. I'm struggling through the discomfort. When I was in my 20's, I probably would have started dating again to ease the pain, but now that I'm in my 30's I realize how important it is for me to heal before going back out into the dating world. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes... I'm one of those women who usually has a guy around, so this is exceptionally difficult...but it's the journey I have to take at this point in my life. I love the quote: "Don't make permanent decisions on temporary emotions". We're all going to at some point esp during a breakup, phone up our ex, text, or do something on a whim but for the most part as much as you can ride out those feelings of contacting your ex and distract yourself with something else.It feels like the hardest, most impossible thing BUT each day you don't contact your ex it builds your confidence more and more and you begin to feel less and less like you "need" to contact this person. That really is a great quote. I'm glad I can count on others to help get me through this rough patch. Journaling has helped me too... Everything I want to say to him, to ask him---I just write it down and release it onto the page. Has worked wonders so far...
SingVoice Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Agree with you about the age thing. I think we put more expectations into our relationships once we get older. (I'll be 30 in a few months). Don't you find dating more difficult though? The older I get...the more I know what I want...yet the less I seem to find of it! Haha. And yeah...I feel like getting back out there too. I took some time to have my crazy and be upset...and I am ALMOST at the point where I want to start dating. There is a part of me that says "ugh I don't want to date right now. I just want to be alone." But I know that ultimately my goal is to find a partner...so when I'm ready I'm gonna go back out too. Anyday now I hope!
VJohnson32 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Agree with you about the age thing. I think we put more expectations into our relationships once we get older. (I'll be 30 in a few months). Don't you find dating more difficult though? The older I get...the more I know what I want...yet the less I seem to find of it! Haha. And yeah...I feel like getting back out there too. I took some time to have my crazy and be upset...and I am ALMOST at the point where I want to start dating. There is a part of me that says "ugh I don't want to date right now. I just want to be alone." But I know that ultimately my goal is to find a partner...so when I'm ready I'm gonna go back out too. Anyday now I hope! Your ultimate goal shouldnt really be about finding a partner. Its about being selfish and taking care of yourself. Alot of men/women make enormous mistake by dating and trying to find a partner constantly because we feel pressured by society that this is a norm and not to be with a partner isnt normal. Single people are seen as loners or inadequate to be with someone, basically a loser. Finding a partner should come naturally. You dont go out there and date aggressively until you come acress somebody you "think" likes you and you like him and down the road he appears to be someone completely different. We dont always appear what we really are especially when it comes to dating ... we make ourselves be that person that we are not and hope somebody will fall for it and bite the bait and at the end we get hurt because we felt betrayed and lied on. Instead, be yourself and dont look to date, have no intentions of dating ... be selfish and think how much you love you, doesnt matter how old you are or how much time you got left ... let nature take its course. Right when you dont expect or never even thought it would happen that person will fall on your lap. We all date and look for partners for all the wrong reasons, because we feel lonely or because all of our friends are in committed relationships ... no, statistically speaking breakups and divorces outweigh happy relationships/marriages. We live in a different age now, where majority can pick a date only a mouse click away or just go to a social gathering where people "hunt" for partners So dont follow ... let nature and YOU take its time, nobody has ever died of loneliness. Dont be afraid to be alone ...and once you get over that fear someone will walk right up to you.
sweetblubrry Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I just posted a thread about this too. I am on 5 weeks of no contact and its killing me. I've been having lots of little mini breakdowns like when I am driving home from work. I just can't help thinking about the good times and missing him. It hurts so much. I don't even know what to do right now but I can emphatize with what you are going through.
Beeotch Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Your ultimate goal shouldnt really be about finding a partner. Its about being selfish and taking care of yourself. Alot of men/women make enormous mistake by dating and trying to find a partner constantly because we feel pressured by society that this is a norm and not to be with a partner isnt normal. Single people are seen as loners or inadequate to be with someone, basically a loser. Finding a partner should come naturally. You dont go out there and date aggressively until you come acress somebody you "think" likes you and you like him and down the road he appears to be someone completely different. We dont always appear what we really are especially when it comes to dating ... we make ourselves be that person that we are not and hope somebody will fall for it and bite the bait and at the end we get hurt because we felt betrayed and lied on. Instead, be yourself and dont look to date, have no intentions of dating ... be selfish and think how much you love you, doesnt matter how old you are or how much time you got left ... let nature take its course. Right when you dont expect or never even thought it would happen that person will fall on your lap. We all date and look for partners for all the wrong reasons, because we feel lonely or because all of our friends are in committed relationships ... no, statistically speaking breakups and divorces outweigh happy relationships/marriages. We live in a different age now, where majority can pick a date only a mouse click away or just go to a social gathering where people "hunt" for partners So dont follow ... let nature and YOU take its time, nobody has ever died of loneliness. Dont be afraid to be alone ...and once you get over that fear someone will walk right up to you. Looooooove this! My sentiments exactly. It is the greatest peace of mind to be soo inlove with you and so full and complete within your own life that when you find someone else it is icing on the cake and not that you had just an empty tin and were just waiting for a whole cake and icing to be dumped in I am on that journey myself. Yes I would like partnership one day...but for all the right reasons. I want that person who I can 100% be myself with and who I don't have to shapeshift for and I believe that only happens when you truly have developed and loved yourself and can view relationships in a different light. As you said...I think msot people in the world have it all wrong so relationships are going to hell in a hand basket because they're not founded on the proper grounds anyway and I'd rather be alone to be honest than simply "booed up" for the sake of it.
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 2 weeks is doing great... why don't break this NC Unless you want to go back to DAY 1 of NC and start all over again. In life, we always look forward and not backward. Time passes, it doesn't go backward. You are in the fantasy stage, the thinking and dreaming of him. You will walk out of this stage, however you have to convince yourself and put your heart and mind into it. You can do it, maintain NC, you are getting better and better.
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