Why she is not answering my phone calls or text? This is killing me!!

[suzukilove]

First, sorry for my broken english. Is my second language. To make it quick this is my story: My ex girlfriend move out 1 week ago and told me that she is not ready for a relationship. We been living together for 1 year with some small relationship issues. She is 24 and Im 35. I did the big mistake of crying, beggin, asking her to come back, telling her I will change, called her every two minutes, texting het every three minutes etc.... I tryed the NC for 2 days but I cant do it!!! I want her back so bad!! She is telling our friends that she "goes back and forward" and she need to make a decicion for herself and no because shee feels bad or people telling her that she will need to give me a second chance. I understand completely. The only thing that hurt me the most is all her clothes, jewerly, perfumes, shoes are still here. I did pressure her to give me an answer after the 200 phone call and she told me to "move on". She is telling our friends that she loves me very much. But I dont understand why she cant call me or answer my phone call if she said that she loves me very much. She knows Im broken hearted and in a very sad and hurt mood. I will never do that to her if I was the dumper. I emailed her few times asking her to give me a chance but I have not got any response. Can someone explain. This is really killing me inside and I dont know what to do.

[Fufu]

You don't have to apologize for your English Some of us type pretty casually too.

 

 

"I tryed the NC for 2 days but I cant do it!!! I want her back so bad!!"

 

You tried, but you didn't do your best.

Do you try to sit down? ........ or do you sit down?

 

You feel NC is impossible because you think NC is not worth to maintain.

 

You don't want her, you don't want people who is not reciprocating to your sincerest feelings to them.

 

Ask yourself this, are you being happy now? Obviously you are not right?

So start doing things that will make you happy and not put yourself in the past.

 

She has already made it clear to you that she wants you to move on, what are you waiting for?

 

"I will never do that to her if I was the dumper. "

 

How do you know what you will do or not as a dumper?

 

Say for example:

 

If you are the dumper, you ignore her because you totally don't want to be with her anymore, she will be the one being depressed and angry over your ignore to her.

 

If you are the dumper, you still remain contact with her, she will be confused by your actions because she will be thinking you are sending mixed signals to her that you are still being confused, but actual in fact you are not confused, you know you want to end this relationship and you are just remaining contact with her because you only treat her as a friend now and not interested to work things out with her and be with her again.

 

Stop doing things that make you feel sad and depress, unless you enjoying doing this to yourself over and over again. Whatever she thinks and feels do not matter to you. She is not confused, you are confusing yourself.

 

Please start NC again, you can do much better than first time.

 

You may wish to read one of my thread on how to get into NC Mood,

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271118/

Edited March 31, 2011 by Fufu

[suzukilove]

Thank you for your reply. What about all her stuff? If she wants out do You think she will take all her stuff with her. She is staying with a friend so I know she can move her stuff. I know.... im holding on any little chance thinking that she will be back.

[2011]

Listen the more you push the more she'll retreat and your constant contact will make her validate her decision even more about breaking up with you was the right thing. I have been VLC 2 - 3 months (never mind 2 days) with my EX and NC since about 3 weeks ago. It is very very hard to do but please try and detach yourself because if you want to ever have any chance with this in the future NOW is the time you can make or break that future new chance. If you keep pushing pushing pushing her she will run and NEVER EVER look back. Trust me.

 

You need to get in a frame of mind that you are more of a man and less of a boy, you can handle this and don't need her in your life, you want her in your life, but you shouldn't need her. I am now getting to this stage with my ex and actually am realising I do not need her in my life, yeah I would want to have her back but not NEED.

 

I know exactly what you are going through I have been there and done it, and am still doing it, but you need to try your hardest to detach yourself. Do not repeat do not contact her ever again for anything - ever! You will need to think that it is over and you need to move on, and here is the crux: You never know if she will come crawling back right she may never, or she may in two weeks or 5 days? And you should not sit about waiting, you should assume it is over for good - and it might well be - so pluck up the courage to move on for now.

 

So here's your plan, follow it to the letter:

 

Tell her you do not want any further communication as you need to heal and move on from the break up. Say you do not mind being civil but you do not see the both of you being just friends in your eyes. Lay it on the line make her aware of what you want.

 

Get all her stuff and either put it in a friends house or at her family's house and tell her where she can pick it up. Or if she beats you too it and arrives make it short and let her get the stuff and tell her you need to go out now, don't let her hang about and do not say anything, unless it is the above first point - or you can do this by email.

 

Delete everything you have of her's as a reminder, pictures, email, online chat, facebook - tell her you need to do this to move on.

 

Than move on.

 

Can you do this?

 

2011

[geegirl]

Suzukilove,

 

Reading your post made me sad. It made me remember the desperation and hopelessness I was going through when I knew it was all over.

 

You don't "try" NC. You do it. You feel this intense pain. It's almost as if you want to jump out of your skin. The discomfort is unbearable. And when you start to feel this way, you want to find comfort badly. And you feel that she is what will provide you with that comfort. If I go talk to her, reach out, it will soothe my pain, it will subside. Yes, temporarily. Just for a little while. Then you get back to square one again because reality is that she's moving on and you realize you have to be alone again and NC again. So you NC again. Discomfort starts again. You look to her for comfort and you break NC again. The thing is she is YOUR SOURCE OF PAIN. She CANNOT comfort you.

 

Breaking NC doesn't take you anywhere but to that same painful spot you were just in.

 

You have to do it. She has asked you to move on. The more you text, email at the rate you are doing, the more you are pushing the person away. Stop the madness. No amount of texting or emailing is going to change her mind. She will change her mind when SHE wants to do it. You can't force a relationship down her throat. For your sake, please stop it.

 

You can't project your actions if you were a dumper on her. She is doing the best way she knows how to deal with ending the relationship and there may be reasons why she can't respond to you. Maybe she is hurting too and doesn't know how to deal with your emotions. Maybe she feels guilty. Maybe she doesn't know what to say and talking to you may seem as if she is leading you on. You don't know. It doesn't suit you well and you think it's unfair because you're the one devastated and hurt.

 

As for her clothes, jewelry and what not, if I were you I would pack everything up quickly so it is out of sight, and have her pick it up right away and do this when you are not around. Or you can tell her to come and get her stuff, and again, when you are not around. The least amount of interaction, the best at least for now since you are very emotional.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's the worse feeling.

[suzukilove]

thank you for all the replys. is weird that i feel that calling her or texting her 30 times a day she will answer and said "ok.. Im coming home now". I cant understand how my brain is thinking that way. is like looking for an answer. also, i feel that texting her what i feel makes her realize that she have someone that loves her very much. This is crazy!!

[suzukilove]

Also, I feel with the no contact she will think that I dont care anymore about her and my love is over for her and in the reality I want a second chance.

[geegirl]

thank you for all the replys. is weird that i feel that calling her or texting her 30 times a day she will answer and said "ok.. Im coming home now". I cant understand how my brain is thinking that way. is like looking for an answer. also, i feel that texting her what i feel makes her realize that she have someone that loves her very much. This is crazy!!

 

No, you are texting her because you are in denial. "Say it isn't so" x 50 times a day. It's just pushing her away. And I'm sure as of text #5 and as of email #2, she knows you love her very much. Reaching out this many times is definitely not for her benefit, but for more yours because you are the one trying to hold on. So, she knows you love her so stop with the emails and texts. You're doing more harm to yourself than good.

[geegirl]

Also, I feel with the no contact she will think that I dont care anymore about her and my love is over for her and in the reality I want a second chance.

 

No Contact is for YOU. It's not about her perception of what your need for NC is. It is not about how it will affect her. It is not about getting her back. Remember, she left you. She knows you care for her and that you love her. NC is for YOUR healing. It is to slowly remove you from a painful situation. If you are so afraid of her perceiving you don't care or love her which in turn will jeopardize the possibility of getting back when you go NC, then explain, short and sweet that you are hurt, and in pain and have to cut contact because you need to heal. Tell her to please respect your wishes and to please allow you to move on. Then NC. You get a second chance if and when she wants to come back and if you want to take her back. In the meantime, you get to NC.

[suzukilove]

Geegirl-Thanks so much for the reply and for everybody support. I will try my best!

[Fufu]

You will be fine, always believe in yourself that you will be happy again.